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Advice needed URGENT help hubby up to something!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
Cant go in to too much with it being public.Anyway its come to my attention my hubby has got two loans of over 11k in total behind my back .We struggle as it is though are not in debt !
Anyway i thought something was amiss with his behaviour so snooped about .
I applied for a credit card to transfer our balances and was refused .My husband knew i applied. I was told "We HAD TOO MUCH CREDIT ". This baffled me hence why i snooped.
Both loans were took out within the last 6 month.
We already have loans and havnt a clue where this 11k has gone.
Like i said im married have been for 10 year !
Im fuming.He does have an ex girlfriend and a child to her we pay her maintance every month she is always pestering for more even though she gets £300 quid from us.
I dont know where the money has gone he is paying over £200 a month back on these loans it affecting my credit .I know his ex wanted a horse but taking food from my kids mouths is not on.
Im so upset as after the years weve ben together he is being decietful .
Advice please urgently .I feel like packing his bags.
We manage to get by everymonth and ive been working extra hours and im so annyed he can go do this and spend this without even asking or telling me.:impissed:
Cant go in to too much with it being public.Anyway its come to my attention my hubby has got two loans of over 11k in total behind my back .We struggle as it is though are not in debt !
Anyway i thought something was amiss with his behaviour so snooped about .
I applied for a credit card to transfer our balances and was refused .My husband knew i applied. I was told "We HAD TOO MUCH CREDIT ". This baffled me hence why i snooped.
Both loans were took out within the last 6 month.
We already have loans and havnt a clue where this 11k has gone.
Like i said im married have been for 10 year !
Im fuming.He does have an ex girlfriend and a child to her we pay her maintance every month she is always pestering for more even though she gets £300 quid from us.
I dont know where the money has gone he is paying over £200 a month back on these loans it affecting my credit .I know his ex wanted a horse but taking food from my kids mouths is not on.
Im so upset as after the years weve ben together he is being decietful .
Advice please urgently .I feel like packing his bags.
We manage to get by everymonth and ive been working extra hours and im so annyed he can go do this and spend this without even asking or telling me.:impissed:
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Comments
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.html?f=76
But ...he would have to forge your signature.
So ...he's planning to run off.
Take what you can ...stitch him up good style ...chuck his belongings in the charity shop.
Point is not the loans , he's on a good wage the point is when you are married you dont go get 11k behind your partners back and spend it on whatever without discussing it .
Like i said i applied for a store card , always had good credit the store said i could have one but with £200 limit.I was shocked as normally i get offered high amounts.The store card was to transfer stuff on 0% only .This had me thinking why only £200 limit so i snooped and found out hes had two loans in the last 6 month totalling over 11k.Like i said hes made payment back to all on time.
To me he isnt in debt other wise there would be debt colectors round etc he's spent it on something .I dont think its right to do this when you are married without discussing first.
In this case you really do just have to ask him about it. You're not going to solve the problem here.
Even though your husband has been paying the debts on time, the real issue here is perhaps that he took them on without telling you in the first place. Different people have different feelings about debt and what it's important to spend money on - which is perhaps why, so many couple argue over finances.
Although you feel like packing your partner's bags at the moment, you first might want to have a conversation about what he's done and what the money has been used for. Remember that it may come as a shock to him that you even know about these loans, so it may be best to choose a time or place where you can discuss the issue calmly and explain how your suspicions were raised and why you chose to snoop.
It sounds like the money that your husband gives his ex is an issue of conflict for you. Whether or not this has something to do with the 11k loans, it might be something you wish to explore in the future. There are many sites which offer advice on how to deal with conflict. The BBC Relationships website, for example, has an article called Productive Arguing which gives ten tips on how to stop your arguments or disagreements from becoming destructive and painful. You also might find this article on TheSite.org about Communicating as a Couple a useful read.
However, even with the best intentions, couples sometimes find it difficult to work these things out on their own. If this is the case, you and your partner may want to consider talking the issues through with a relationships counsellor. There is more information about how this form of counselling works on the BBC relationships website. If you're interested in exploring relationship counselling further, one agency that you might want to talk to is Relate, who provide low cost counselling sessions face-to-face and via phone and email.
Wishing you all the best...