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A pondering about my relationship
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't have a real question to ask, I'm just airing how I feel.
My relationship with a blokey who lost his girlfriend of 14yrs to cancer in 2005 is not easy and I don't know what I was expecting being with him.
Most of the time I can handle talk of her and support him loads and yet other times I find it really exhausting/draining.
Oh what am I saying? I don't know where this relationship is going. Sometimes I can see us staying together for a long long time, and yet at the back of my heart I have this knowing sinking feeling that he isn't as happy as if he'd be when with her.
Of course I cannot expect him to think of her less (I wouldn't/couldn't expect him to even if I wanted to) but do you think he would tell me 100% honestly that he doesn't want me? I know I've helped him through some dark times, are we just together because I'm helping him grieve?
Or are we together because we get on like a house on fire and have some amazing times together?
What do I know?!!
My relationship with a blokey who lost his girlfriend of 14yrs to cancer in 2005 is not easy and I don't know what I was expecting being with him.
Most of the time I can handle talk of her and support him loads and yet other times I find it really exhausting/draining.
Oh what am I saying? I don't know where this relationship is going. Sometimes I can see us staying together for a long long time, and yet at the back of my heart I have this knowing sinking feeling that he isn't as happy as if he'd be when with her.
Of course I cannot expect him to think of her less (I wouldn't/couldn't expect him to even if I wanted to) but do you think he would tell me 100% honestly that he doesn't want me? I know I've helped him through some dark times, are we just together because I'm helping him grieve?
Or are we together because we get on like a house on fire and have some amazing times together?
What do I know?!!
0
Comments
Having never been in that situation I can only guess, but it is hard to try and compete with a ghost, he will possibly remember the good times and the hurt at losing her but that doesn't mean he can't love you just as much.
I think if you get on like a house on fire and have amazing times, theres not a lot to worry about. Maybe he tells his friends how wonderful you are when you are not around and describes all the lovely things you do together and for each other.
Love is wonderful thing, It's not a one time only special offer for a golden ticket holder.
I hope that you feel better soon xx xx xx xx
Maybe a silly question, have you suggested grief counselling to him? Of course everyone deals with it in their own way but if he's still struggling to be happy in himself 3 years on maybe some professional help would be beneficial.