How do you cope when parents die?

Former Member

Hi

How does someone cope when their parents die?, the people who have brought you up, supported you and the ones you've always been able to turn to when things got bad ...... i suppose in a way those of us that have had the above should be thankful since not everyone does ...... although i can't imagine that brings about much relief.

My mum is currently sat in hospital with both her parents who doctors think only have hours / days to live. My grandad has lost his mind a bit so don't really know whats going on in his head. My grandma however, who although her organs / body is failing her, her brains still in fully working order. Shes fully aware she doesn't have long left and has been saying how she doesn't want to leave us all but knows that she will soon.

Andy

Former Member

grief is funny as it affects everyone diifferently. and everyone copes differently with it. though i imagine it helps to have family and friends around you for support. bearing in mind other family members would be going through the same thing. other than that it's just about giving it time.

Former Member

My Dad died when I was 9. I can't claim to have dealt with it well though. I suppose I really handled it properly when I was 23 - 24 and able to put those feelings in perspective. At the time I pretended he'd gone away on a long term business trip where he couldn't contact me and gradually extended that till Iwas used to him not being around. As I got older I grew to accept he wouldn't ever be coming back. But I think because my mum's way of handling him dying was to show us no emotion and so on it made it harder for me to handle because I was cut off from my remaining parent as well. As I've got older I've learnt to handle the fact and just get on with my life knowing full well there are people far worse off than myself out there.

But everyone handles things differently and we all have our own ways of dealing with grief. There isn't one set routine for it and no right or wrong way of handling the situation.

Former Member

you cope the best you can, which isnt always well...but there's nothing wrong with crying or laughing

if you wanna have a big huge cry sesh...do it

if you find something you read/see/hear funny, dont feel guilty...laugh

life MUST and DOES go on

you never get over the loss of a parent...and to be honest i dont think it gets any easier, but you learn to accept and deal with it...in your own time

it sounds weird, but in a way your mum is lucky, she is getting to say her goodbyes, getting to let them know how much she loves them, that's one of the best and worst things all rolled into one, but it sure as hell beats being unprepared for someone's death

i hope she (and you) do ok....but i'm sure yas will...big hugs x

Former Member

i don't really want to think about it but i'm pretty sure that if either of my parents died i would fall apart for a while

i'm really close with my parents and still live at home so would be a real shock to the system

Former Member

Littleali wrote: »

you cope the best you can, which isnt always well...but there's nothing wrong with crying or laughing

if you wanna have a big huge cry sesh...do it

if you find something you read/see/hear funny, dont feel guilty...laugh

life MUST and DOES go on

you never get over the loss of a parent...and to be honest i dont think it gets any easier, but you learn to accept and deal with it...in your own time

:yes:

I'm really unsure how I'd react, as it's something I've never experienced before.

Former Member

When my dad died I never coped in one particular way. I went through a variety of emotions and have attempted to combat that horrible feeling you get when you have a good time and realise they aren't there to be with you. It went from making very lame jokes about death to crying over photos. What I would advise is to let yourself cry and allow yourself time to do so. Even doing an activity that conjures up memories of the person who has died. It's sometimes therapeutic to just get the tears out but then go do something else and don't dwell. Just as you allow time to mourn also remember to allow yourself time for yourself and focussing on other things in your life. Maybe I'll find more ways to 'cope' as it's only been 3 years.

I'm babbling!! But what others have said really.. There is definitely no right or wrong way and don't feel bad about the way you deal with it. Grief touches everyone at some point and people will be sympathetic. Friends and family are also a big help when/if you feel like talking.

Indrid Cold

I'm always afraid that when it happens, I won't feel bad enough...

Former Member

I wouldn't be afraid about not feeling bad enough...people cope in different ways, and sometimes the best way to grieve is to celebrate and to live for them.

Former Member

I sometimes get a panic attack when I think of losing my parents. I get a hollow sick feeling in my stomach, my mind reels, and a grey cloud comes down over me through which I can never see beyond that day. I will be truly devastated. I will be a mess. I love and adore them with all my heart and the world will never be the same again without them. The selfish side of me hopes that I will die first so I don't experience the grief of losing them - but I suspect that the death of a child must be even worse than losing one's parents. In which case, the grief must be unfathomable.

Former Member

Just thinking about it now is bringing a tear to my eyes. I don't know how I'd cope tbh I'd probably fall apart like someone else has said.
My parents are my life...

Elena

Hi Andy, :wave:

I understand what you must be going through. My own Gran is quite unwell these days and I often wonder how my Mum copes/will do when the dreaded day comes.

It might help for you to take a look at the information we have on dealing with death on TheSite.org. There are also some specialist organisations you could speak to such as CRUSE on 0844 477 9400 or RD4U - an bereavement support organisation especially for young people - on 0808 808 1677.

I hope this is usefful and wish you and your family all the best.

Take care,

S x

Former Member

My dad died when i was about 13. As some kids do, i kind of went a lognw ith things like it never happened, but i got a nervous twitch and my personality changed but not consiously.

As harsd as this might seem, i think the real way you cope is by accepting it and trying to think of ti in a positive way. I kind of felt happy about his death, not because he was dead, just in a way that he had reached the final part of his life and it's a process that happens to everyone, he's finished his journey. I wish he was here but i never lost him.

Former Member

Hi Andy, i dont have any advice for you, but all i can say is that i hope you can get through this and have some one who you can lean on..
hope your grandparents are as well as can be expected and not in any pain... (sorry if that sounded daft..im not too good as expressing stuff like this, but thought i would tell you how i feel)

xx tc

Former Member

Hi

Hi

Thanks all for your comments. Sadly my grandma has now died. Been to visit my grandad today who is very unsteady on his feet but managed to tell me how barmy all the other residents seem to be in the nursing home he has now been put in, made me laugh !!.

Thanks
Andy

Former Member

Goes without saying but i thought i'd mention it anyway. Just be there for each other, order a chinese or something and take each day as it comes.

My thoughts are with you are your family.