Breaking up

Former Member

do you think that when you are in a relationship, you should know deep down in your heart when you should break up with someone?

i'm having trouble with it all...in some respects i feel like i should end things with my boyfriend but in other ways im much too scared to. im scared, in case i make a mistake in doing it and then it'll be all messed up. also i still feel like im in love with him but that hes just not good for me. and when i think of the nice bits of our relationship it makes me want to stay with him but the bad things outweigh the good at the moment :[ my mum and a few of my friends have said i should end it but you can't listen to them can you, even though sometimes they know best.

im so confused, i guess this is a bit rambly, i think i just want to know off people with more experience than me what they think about ending relationships. ta.

Former Member

FireyFirenze wrote: »

do you think that when you are in a relationship, you should know deep down in your heart when you should break up with someone?

i'm having trouble with it all...in some respects i feel like i should end things with my boyfriend but in other ways im much too scared to. im scared, in case i make a mistake in doing it and then it'll be all messed up. also i still feel like im in love with him but that hes just not good for me. and when i think of the nice bits of our relationship it makes me want to stay with him but the bad things outweigh the good at the moment :[ my mum and a few of my friends have said i should end it but you can't listen to them can you, even though sometimes they know best.

im so confused, i guess this is a bit rambly, i think i just want to know off people with more experience than me what they think about ending relationships. ta.

All of my family were on at me to leave my ex. Then after a year of trying but still being unhappy, i left him.

I think if things are meant to be, if u leave him, you'll come back together.

I also think, you're scared of being lonely? I was that for a long time. Now I love it

Former Member

i'd say it depends what the bad things are and how bad they are... if they're things you think could be improved then try that first. if you've tried that and the bad things are still there, maybe it's time to split up.

Former Member

Always go with your gut feeling. Usually when you want to break up with someone then the feeling of doing so will build up gradually and you'll keep wondering if it's the right thing to do until you finally build up the courage.

Former Member

Hi there, it is always hard to decide whether breaking up is the right thing to do. Here is an article about breaking up that might help. Perhaps weigh the pros and cons and see how you feel. Also talk to your partner about this and see if things can change. Good luck

Former Member

thanks girls.
things wont change so i did it. feel so upset though :crying:

Former Member

FireyFirenze wrote: »

thanks girls.
things wont change so i did it. feel so upset though :crying:

Bless you. I know that feeling, and it's rubbish, but you know it was the right thing to do, and it gets better.

Hope you're feeling happier soon :yes:

**helen**

Massive hugs Firey, breaking up can feel physically painful even when you know deep down it's the right thing for you both, especially when you still have strong feelings for them. It takes courage to let go, but in time you're bound to feel much stronger and glad you listened to your instincts.

Take good care of yourself.

Former Member

It took me years to do this.....same reason, I was scared of being on my own! But I have just ended it and we both realised that it is defo what we want!

Former Member

breaking up

my wife left me after 15 years and I was devastated. I thought I was happily married. 18 months later, and after having much time on my own to really look at things, I have to realise that we weren't. time lends a different perspective to all things, and now I don't quite know how we manged to keep it going so long ? if it's wrong, it's wrong. this isn't a practise run, babe... you only have one life. whatever decision you make, Life will always make it the right one. my wife did me a favour, though I'll probably never let her know that. And there are other worlds out there ...

Former Member

**Helen** wrote: »

Massive hugs Firey, breaking up can feel physically painful even when you know deep down it's the right thing for you both, especially when you still have strong feelings for them. It takes courage to let go, but in time you're bound to feel much stronger and glad you listened to your instincts.

Take good care of yourself.

aw thanks helen (& everyone else)

apparently im not that good at breaking up with people because now we're on a a 'break' whatever that means, just some time so we can decide how we feel properly, he really needs to change a bit for us to get back together though and start treating me a bit nicer. he text me today saying he missed me and now i feel like we're not even broke up at all even though iv not seen him. ahhh its so weird.

Former Member

Awww hun *hugs*

FireyFirenze wrote: »

aw thanks helen (& everyone else)

apparently im not that good at breaking up with people because now we're on a a 'break' whatever that means, just some time so we can decide how we feel properly, he really needs to change a bit for us to get back together though and start treating me a bit nicer. he text me today saying he missed me and now i feel like we're not even broke up at all even though iv not seen him. ahhh its so weird.

I did that when I tried breaking up with an ex...ended up wussing out and saying we should go on a break...she just spent the whole time texting me anyway so it was like we were still together, just didn't see eachother for a few weeks. It didn't work, we got back together even though I didn't want to, I cheated on her and then we broke up..
Just make sure that if you are on a break, that you are on a real break if you want to give it a chance to work. PM me if you wanna talk xxxx

Former Member

Love, it was the best thing. You know he wasn't giving you everything you deserve. I don't think this 'on a break' thing is best right now, cause it's clutching at whatever few straws are left and I don't think (from what you've said previous) that he's worthy clutching any of your straws.

You can chew my ear anytime. x

Former Member

If you are going to have a break then it needs to be done properly or its really pointless. No contact of any sort for a month.

Former Member

FireyFirenze wrote: »

aw thanks helen (& everyone else)

apparently im not that good at breaking up with people because now we're on a a 'break' whatever that means, just some time so we can decide how we feel properly, he really needs to change a bit for us to get back together though and start treating me a bit nicer. he text me today saying he missed me and now i feel like we're not even broke up at all even though iv not seen him. ahhh its so weird.

I hope you can do it! you'll feel so much stronger as the days go on x

Former Member

budda wrote: »

If you are going to have a break then it needs to be done properly or its really pointless. No contact of any sort for a month.

ahh do you really think so? a whole month? :nervous: iv lasted 4 days so far and im already considering caving in

he was the one who suggested the break. we broke up then 3 hours later he text and asked me, i probably scared him or something. ahh relationships are so annoying.

Former Member

GhostGirl wrote: »

I hope you can do it! you'll feel so much stronger as the days go on x

thank youuu, iv got lots of things planned for the next week or so, so i cant spend time brooding about it. hmm.

Former Member

FireyFirenze wrote: »

thank youuu, iv got lots of things planned for the next week or so, so i cant spend time brooding about it. hmm.

I just kept myself busy busy busy! its just hard when they text and u have to ignore!

Former Member

I don't know the details about this, nor do I have any wish to know. However, breaking up is generally hard to do, but sometimes, it must be done. Still, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Former Member

FireyFirenze wrote: »

ahh do you really think so? a whole month? :nervous: iv lasted 4 days so far and im already considering caving in

he was the one who suggested the break. we broke up then 3 hours later he text and asked me, i probably scared him or something. ahh relationships are so annoying.

Yep, if the relationship has a good foundation a month will be hard but it wont change your feelings for each other. If however its in trouble you'll know and can split for good.

But if you are forever texting each other you might as well just keep dating and the relationship will drift on and you wont get the answer you obviously need.

Former Member

good luck and keep strong.
breaking up is one of the hardest things in the world