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When a parent starts drinking again...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My dads had an alcohol problem on and off for years. Hes been on AD's for the 18 months or so and has hardly touched a drop in that time. Hes now off them and has started drinking again. It been so long since hes been drunk that I'd forgotton how much I hate it when he does. He changes from an okay guy to a complete utter twat, hes rude, hes abusive and he refuses to accept that the alcohol is the problem.
I cant stand him when hes like this (so much then when I'm home and he drinking I stay in my room well out of his way) and for some reason my mum will just turn a blind eye to it.
I cant stand him when hes like this (so much then when I'm home and he drinking I stay in my room well out of his way) and for some reason my mum will just turn a blind eye to it.
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See if you can record some of his behaviour ...without him knowing ...at his worst.
Build yourself a small collection of these recordings ...burn them to disc ...and present them to him as a gift.
I don't think that's a good idea, as threadstarter mentioned he had abusive tendencies when drunk. In the worst case, he will be be anguished and may try to hurt TS.
Also, it might just be illegal to record people without their consent, even if it's apparantly for a good reason. He may use that fact against her, weaking her case.
To TS, I hope you find the strength to seek some help if you haven't done so already. I see that you write that your dad has tried to get help for himself, but perhaps it is a good idea for you to see a psychologist or other health professional about it as well? It might be good to speak to an objective 3rd. party.
You have probably talked to your mum about it numerous times already, but you have to let her understand how his drinking affects your life.
If he has hurt you, your mother and you also needs to get away.
As for your dad, he also needs help to get back to the AD programme and to stick with it, but he has to want it for himself. There's only so much one can do up to a point, it's not possible to help someone who doesn't want it.
Hope you will be doing ok.
The drunk isn't and is unlikely to be listening ...but to hear his own rants played back to him ...even better to be able to see ...himself being a complete twat is likely to have some impact ...impact being what i would be after here. Mother aint listening ...probably given up.
Anyone listening? ...not by the sounds of it. Getting the drunk to listen and to watch himself sounds like a good plan to me.
When you say ADs I assume you mean Antidepressents? Alcohol combined with depression can be a horrible combination and it sounds like you're having to deal with the problem with little, if any support, from family members.
While morrocan roll's suggestion may be an option, I think it's difficult for any of us to really vouch for it without actually knowing your Dad - while it's likely to have an impact, the humiliation may be too much for him to bear?
T-Kay's suggestion to seek outside support is a good one. You may find some of the following resources specifically of use:
National Association for Children of Alcoholics
Drinkline offers support to the family and friends of people who are drinking.
Helpline: 0800 917 8282
Best time to telephone: 9am - 11pm, Monday to Friday
You may also want to seek out a local Alcohol Advice centre - you can search for services using our Local Advice Finder.
Take care and remember you can always post here for more support, or just to let us know how things are going.