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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

After around a month of arguements with my bf over a mate of his that i didnt like, he decided he needed to be single so we split up, after around 18months together. i was very upset and he told me he wanted to stay friends (which we had to as we work together) but that he also thought that i would still be the girl he married in the future and things would be different. After a few weeks apart i asked him how he felt & he said he still loved me but wasnt sure if he was in love with me.
After he heard rumors at work about me and another guy (which werent true) he appeared to be upset by it and kept asking questions.
Im still in contact with his family who live quite far away who are now very worried about him. Hes started going out getting drunk alot and is frequently borrowing money. We recently spent a day together and i thought we got on really well, like we use to, and thought he felt the same but i havent heard from him since.

Im not sure if this is just him gettin being single out of his system and will still want to get back together in the future or if he doesnt care anymore. Its been over two months and dont know whether i should look for another job (i only work part time) to get some distance to get over him.

Any advice greatly appreciated x


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Honestly from what you've said, it doesn't seem like he's overly bothered.

    I really think the best way to get over someone is to put space between you so maybe getting another job would be a good idea then you wouldn't be involved/ aware of what he's getting up to so you wouldn't have to worry.

    It sounds like he's going through a bit of a phase how old is he?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hes 25 and is always sayin hes gettin too old for the party scene but thats what hes gone back to. It just confusing when he said all those things when we split but now has completely changed. Think his family really want us 2 get back together which is probably why i keep hanging on to lost hope. Wasnt sure if he would want 2 get back together once hes got this party phase (and the annoying mate) out of the way
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi. It sounds like a difficult time for you. Obviously you care about this guy- but he is giving you quite mixed signals. When he broke up with you because he wanted to stay single he still told you that he might want to be with you in the future. He has also said that he is not sure if he is in love with you or not. This is making it very difficult for you to move on and perhaps start a new relationship, or for you to just enjoy being single yourself, because you think that there might still be a chance for you to get back together.
    From what you have said, he doesn't sound ready to settle down, and he can't expect you to wait around to find out if he might be ready in the future.
    It sounds like you could both use some distance from each other, so you can both move on from the relationship. This might include having time apart from contacting his family too- they care about him and want you to be together but their opinions on the matter might just end up confusing you further.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Think you got it bang on! I just sometimes wish i could see into the future to see if there is going to be an future with us. From what ive said do u think its likely he'll want to go back into the relationship?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As I see it, he's pretty confused himself. Will he go back into the relationship? Maybe not in the nearest future. But I believe that if he loves you, he's willing to straighten himself up. For the meantime, set some distance between the two of you, preoccupy yourself with other things. Thinking too much about the situation will do you no good. Use this time apart to love yourself.

    We all want to see what the future holds, but because we can't we just have to trust what fate will bring us.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how long would be good go get some space? i dont want to leave my job if i dont have to, so i worked out i can avoid him for a few weeks as my shifts are flexible but i realise i cant do this forever. would a bloke need a very long time to work out if he still wants a relationship or will he know?
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