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Jealousy? Help Please
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all,
Got something to get off my chest. Im at work, no one to really talk to and this is just eating me up inside. I keep telling myself theres nothing wrong and its just me with some extremely negative thoughts.
Basically, i have been going out with this girl for 4 months or so. Everything has been going really well, and when im with her it makes me happy. Around a month or so, an ex of hers (call him A) text her just saying 'ello'. I knew immediately what he wanted, as the last time the spoke was around 3 years ago and he told her to have a drugs overdose, and before that he used her whenever he was bored. She then replied, and then wondered why i was wasnt happy with it. i explained what i just put and she agreed. He then text her again later on to meet up and she sent him a long and detailed message, which in short meant 'Fuck Off'. I was obviously glad that she didnt meet him, but understood how hard it was as they go way back.
Then a second person (call him
randomly added her through bebo (although this is before i was on the scene). They were going to meet up but never did. He then start texting her one night to meet up, and im obviously pissed of that someone comes along and wants to meet up, but i know she wouldnt do anything, but these two have never even met so im a bit confused over that. The GF and me talk and i get my feelings known to her and she understands, but its the random messages on bebo, and she sent him one message bout a day ago (he just set up a new account) that 'here have some luv, youve not got much' then added the luv thing at the end.
is it me being paranoid or stupid or jealous? I really dont know. Id liked some help in what to do. She is the best thing to happen to me, but i always think the worst. I only feel like this cos of how used she was in the past, im worried someone will take advantage. the only time im really negative and have these thoughts is when ive not heard from her for a length of time, with no reason. But she usually has a good reason (sleeping, no credit etc).
Grr- How to be more positive?
Thanks (Sorry for the long post, i needed to get it out)
Got something to get off my chest. Im at work, no one to really talk to and this is just eating me up inside. I keep telling myself theres nothing wrong and its just me with some extremely negative thoughts.
Basically, i have been going out with this girl for 4 months or so. Everything has been going really well, and when im with her it makes me happy. Around a month or so, an ex of hers (call him A) text her just saying 'ello'. I knew immediately what he wanted, as the last time the spoke was around 3 years ago and he told her to have a drugs overdose, and before that he used her whenever he was bored. She then replied, and then wondered why i was wasnt happy with it. i explained what i just put and she agreed. He then text her again later on to meet up and she sent him a long and detailed message, which in short meant 'Fuck Off'. I was obviously glad that she didnt meet him, but understood how hard it was as they go way back.
Then a second person (call him
randomly added her through bebo (although this is before i was on the scene). They were going to meet up but never did. He then start texting her one night to meet up, and im obviously pissed of that someone comes along and wants to meet up, but i know she wouldnt do anything, but these two have never even met so im a bit confused over that. The GF and me talk and i get my feelings known to her and she understands, but its the random messages on bebo, and she sent him one message bout a day ago (he just set up a new account) that 'here have some luv, youve not got much' then added the luv thing at the end.is it me being paranoid or stupid or jealous? I really dont know. Id liked some help in what to do. She is the best thing to happen to me, but i always think the worst. I only feel like this cos of how used she was in the past, im worried someone will take advantage. the only time im really negative and have these thoughts is when ive not heard from her for a length of time, with no reason. But she usually has a good reason (sleeping, no credit etc).
Grr- How to be more positive?
Thanks (Sorry for the long post, i needed to get it out)
0
Comments
Firstly, it sounds like there's really good communication between you and your girlfriend - the fact that you can be honest with her about how you feel generally in these situations is really great and it sounds like you're able to resolve things in a mature way - and that she really respects you. Don't underestimate how important that is.
What's not so good is your worries about this random guy who has turned up on Bebo. I guess one of the main things to remember is that throw away comments on social networking websites usually are just that. Often when someone is in a relationship it's nice from time to time to get attention from someone else - not because the person is unhappy, but because it's nice to have a little harmless fun and know that it's not going to go anywhere. Also, it's worth noting that people can become good friends, even if it's just online as a way of getting support/combat loneliness, feel like someone cares - perhaps that's what this guy is doing.
Furthermore if you look on the majority of people's comments on these websites, people use language that's overly 'lovey' if you like, all the time. Kisses, and "lots of love" are in abundance!! It's easy to read into these comments and you're not being stupid at all, but the fact they're public comments may well enforce the fact there's nothing to worry about - she's not going behind your back to communicate with this guy - it's all out in the open and almost sounds like she feels a little sorry for him.
Anyway, I think I'm probably waffling now! So, how to be more positive?
You may find the BBC's article on understanding jealousy useful. Also, take strength from the fact that you are listening and learning to understand each other. I hope this helps a little, but I'm sure others will have lots to say.
Take care
My mate has it even worse than me, he has quite serious problems, he'd have his girlfriend on a leash if he could.
I'm not quite as bad but I hate it when boys start texting them or when you read facebook messages from guys you know complimenting her on how hot she's looking in her facebook picture, and then you can't help but read that fucking wall to wall and read what she wrote back... which always sounds worse to you than it is. :mad: Damnit, I hate getting jealous.
Yeah thats exactly how i feel, that pretty much sums up my huge post from before!
Helen- Many thanks for that from another point of view. Really helpful post, helps me understand more whys she does post on other walls etc. I know she wouldnt do anything, its just the people in her past who have used her before.
Thanks!
Seriously though jealousy is a bugger. Its definitely one of the most destructive emotions. I know its hard to 'try and not be jealous' but you have to try and forget about it. Your girlfriend is with you for a reason. Out of everyone in the world she chose you.
Yeah, its bloody hard though! I keep walking round at work by myslef, and thinking really negative thoughts- for no reason! Im working on it though, and that last line is very true and ill keep that in my head for today at least!:thumb:
My missus is off on holiday with her mate. Didn't really think about it before, but she's called me up a few times, once to tell me some guy tried to kiss her when she was out, but she didn't want him to so went of and chatted to a nice spanish guy she'd met, then last night to tell me how some guy she'd been chatting to had bought her flowers. Couldn't help but be upset by this and she could tell over the phone. But I thought there's no need to kick up a fuss. Will try and speak to her when she gets back about how I feel (although I predict this wont go too well as she'll get really defensive and start going on about how she'd never cheat) and that's what I want to do really, just let her know how I feel. Not moan, or say she's done anything wrong (although I am starting to think maybe she leads guys on) I just have a lot of feelings and want to get them off my chest. If you can do this then that definitely helps.
Used to get jealous before with an ex, but she was great, just talked it thorugh and felt loads better after. Towards the end the realtionship was great, nothing really phased me, and I put that down largely to being able to talk to her about all my feelings.
I guess the moral is that you should be able to talk to her and share you feelings (good and bad) but you also need to try and keep a check on them yourself.
Mate that's the worst. When they call you up and they're drunk or something and telling you about all the guys who have been buying them drinks e.t.c and you're not even there to do anything about it, or know if anything's happened. And no matter how much trust you have, I can never trust a drunk girl. Espescially when they're not even in the same country, you feel so helpless! You just wanna get over there and fuck everyone up who looks at her!
Yeah I'm not feeling nasty but I can't help but think those sort of lines are bull shit. She may just be with you because no one else good looking enough was on scene and you've given her what she was craving at time. She may once she had her ego boost and feeling good about herself drop you like a lead weight.
Think some blokes need to stop seeing women as angel and how they bless their lives for the better. These women need blokes just as much and if it seems that she being overly friendly with other blokes have a word. Shouldn't allow yourself to feel that your not worthy of her by any means.
Yes I'm single, bitter and lonely but I'm allowed to vent god damn it!!
Ok I'm not complete arsehole (there are bits missing!) - She is with you now, live in the now. Don't plan ahead with bad thoughts or think the worse. Enjoy the moment...sure, if things she does or says don't add up then write them down then call her up on it. She seems keen on you so cut her some slack and enjoy what you have and see where it goes!