loss of interest

Former Member

when me and my bf got together we had sex like all the time, we are 4years in and i just dont have interest in sex anymore.
and if i do get in the mood for sex he comes way before im even "feeling it"

the last time we had sex was like a week ago, im sure some people are like thats not that long ago but it is when you used to do it all the time pretty much.

any tips on making it funner, i mean we even went to a hotel to have time to our selves even then i did it because i know he wanted to

Former Member

There are natural highs and lows in any sexual relationship, if the sex is becoming a problem you need to try and work out what the problems are and what you can do to solve them. Going away for a dirty weekend can put a sticking plaster over the problems but usually won't solve them.

The usual questions first: are you tired? Stressed? Starting a new job? About to lose an old one? Doing exams? Worrying about money?

Do you like the idea of sex still? Do you masturbate, or has your libido died completely? Does the idea of sex with your boyfriend repulse you? If so, why? Do you still kiss each other or cuddle each other?

On a more practical level, it sounds like you need to take more time with sex to enjoy it, especially if he comes quickly. Get him to slow down, if he always comes too soon without focusing on your needs its no wonder you're bored and can't be bothered.

Start by building up intimacy again. Spend time kissing, stroking and cuddling without moving on to sex. Even if you don't want sex spend time every day having a good snog and a cuddle. Concentrate on intimacy and then work onwards. Foreplay is important, get him to slow down, get him to go down on you or masturbate you before he penetrates you.

Talk about what you both want from sex. Talk about your dirtiest fantasies.