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Worries
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sorry if this ends up long and rambly.
I've had a shit year so far. It started off in hospital with C.dif from antibiotics I was given in December.
I was off work for 6 weeks with that.
Two or three weeks ago I had a scan and gynae appointment and was told I have two masses on my left womb. I have strange anatomy... I have two wombs which share the same cervix... however my left womb has no outlet, and I have no ovary on my left because of an endometriotic cyst I had removed when I was 14.
I also have a lot of adhesions because of the endometriosis and surgery so thins are stuck together in there.
Anyway. At my gynae appointment I was told the next step would have to be more surgery, and because of me getting the complications with adhesions and stuff they didn't want to do that until really nessassery; so I was told to wait 6 months, see them again and go on from there.
I've had pretty much constant pain since that appointment... But I'm used to that and it was bearable.
However Monday I came on my period. Tuesday I had some pain; took some ibuprofen before work and tried not to over-do it at work (although that's a bit difficult cos I work in a clothes shop and am on my feet the whole time).
I finished work at 2 o'clock... had lunch and more painkillers; had my pill check up at my doctors and then my mum picked me up and we went to the supermarket. Despite having had the painkillers I was getting worse and worse... So mum sat me down in the cafe and got me some paracetomol.
I went back to work because there was a meeting 6-7... But during it my pains were just getting worse and worse and worse and I was told I looked deathly white. My friends helped me down the road to where my mum was picking me up... and when I got home I slept on the sofa for a while. My mum made me some dinner so that I could take more painkillers. I sat up and had about 4 mouthfuls before I started getting these extreme spasms and I was just hunched up on the sofa, not really being able to breathe very well. So she decided to take me to A&E, cos she thought it might be a cyst bursting or something.
The pains were a little better by the time I got to the local hospital. They checked that my tummy didn't feel like anything had burst and because I'm not under them for my problems they sent me home with co-codamol, and told me to get in touch with the hospital who treat me for my gynae probs the next day.
However, as soon as I sat back down at home (about an hour after having the stronger pain relief), the pains set off again and then I threw up.
Mum spoke to A&E on the phone and they told her to bring me straight back.
They gave me diclofenac and codine when I got there and sent me up to the gynae ward and said they wanted to keep me in for pain management.
I was given temazapan and paracetomol or something to get me to sleep when I'd been given an internal and so on.
The next day I was on codine all day; but nothing was getting ontop of the pain and I ended up throwing up again later that day. So eventually they desided to give me a small dose of morphine with my antisickness injection; and that finally seemed to get ontop of the pain, so that the cocodamol could keep ontop of it the next day.
They sent me down for a scan yesterday to check that my remaining ovary was still OK, because they said as we already knew there were things wrong and they couldn't really treat me for that, they wanted to make sure it was OK and then they could send me home with a pain pack, and get intouch with the other hospital I'm under to get the ball rolling. Fair enough.
The desided my ovary was OK... although they spent quite a lot of time trying to deside if what they were seeing was it or not because it appears to have moved somewhat to the left... aparently they can do that.
So anyway... I was discharged and given a copy of the letter they were sending to my GP.
When I got home I read it... and as far as I can work out, it says I have something 'in' not 'on' my ovary... it says it could be blood or a polyp.
It says ' within left cavity - mixed echoes and fluid. Could be blood or polyp'
Anyway... Sorry about going through all that but it's hard to explain it all quickly.
So it looks like I'll have to have an operation sooner rather than later.
A couple of weeks ago, I thought the op would just have to be to get rid of these cyst type things on my womb and trying to sort of my adhesions a bit... but now I'm thinking it's more likely they'll want to get rid of my left womb... But that terrifies me.
The problem is I've got a real catch 22. If I don't have the useless womb removed and come off the pill to try for kids (eventually), then the likelyhood is that within 2 or 3 months I'll be too ill to try for them.
However if I have the womb removed I have a horrible feeling that it would affect the good womb because they're attached.
I'm just feeling a bit useless as a human being... and undesirable. And generally low and I've got so many worries, about my health and my life. Things were just looking up at work; being asked to do management training and so on... But now I'm worried that the more time I have off work the less they'll think I'm up to doing things and put me to the side.
And I don't even know if I can carry on working in a job where I'm on my feet all the time... it seems to make my pains worse.
I just needed to off-load without worrying my mum or moaning to people I know because I hate myself when I feel like all I can talk about is how shit things are.
I've tried so fucking hard to be positive and get over the depression I was in when all this started when I was 14... and I thought I was doing really well... But now I feel like I'm going back to square one. I just feel like everything's falling apart again.
I'm wondering about looking into getting some more councelling... But I don't know if it would help.
:crying:
I've had a shit year so far. It started off in hospital with C.dif from antibiotics I was given in December.
I was off work for 6 weeks with that.
Two or three weeks ago I had a scan and gynae appointment and was told I have two masses on my left womb. I have strange anatomy... I have two wombs which share the same cervix... however my left womb has no outlet, and I have no ovary on my left because of an endometriotic cyst I had removed when I was 14.
I also have a lot of adhesions because of the endometriosis and surgery so thins are stuck together in there.
Anyway. At my gynae appointment I was told the next step would have to be more surgery, and because of me getting the complications with adhesions and stuff they didn't want to do that until really nessassery; so I was told to wait 6 months, see them again and go on from there.
I've had pretty much constant pain since that appointment... But I'm used to that and it was bearable.
However Monday I came on my period. Tuesday I had some pain; took some ibuprofen before work and tried not to over-do it at work (although that's a bit difficult cos I work in a clothes shop and am on my feet the whole time).
I finished work at 2 o'clock... had lunch and more painkillers; had my pill check up at my doctors and then my mum picked me up and we went to the supermarket. Despite having had the painkillers I was getting worse and worse... So mum sat me down in the cafe and got me some paracetomol.
I went back to work because there was a meeting 6-7... But during it my pains were just getting worse and worse and worse and I was told I looked deathly white. My friends helped me down the road to where my mum was picking me up... and when I got home I slept on the sofa for a while. My mum made me some dinner so that I could take more painkillers. I sat up and had about 4 mouthfuls before I started getting these extreme spasms and I was just hunched up on the sofa, not really being able to breathe very well. So she decided to take me to A&E, cos she thought it might be a cyst bursting or something.
The pains were a little better by the time I got to the local hospital. They checked that my tummy didn't feel like anything had burst and because I'm not under them for my problems they sent me home with co-codamol, and told me to get in touch with the hospital who treat me for my gynae probs the next day.
However, as soon as I sat back down at home (about an hour after having the stronger pain relief), the pains set off again and then I threw up.
Mum spoke to A&E on the phone and they told her to bring me straight back.
They gave me diclofenac and codine when I got there and sent me up to the gynae ward and said they wanted to keep me in for pain management.
I was given temazapan and paracetomol or something to get me to sleep when I'd been given an internal and so on.
The next day I was on codine all day; but nothing was getting ontop of the pain and I ended up throwing up again later that day. So eventually they desided to give me a small dose of morphine with my antisickness injection; and that finally seemed to get ontop of the pain, so that the cocodamol could keep ontop of it the next day.
They sent me down for a scan yesterday to check that my remaining ovary was still OK, because they said as we already knew there were things wrong and they couldn't really treat me for that, they wanted to make sure it was OK and then they could send me home with a pain pack, and get intouch with the other hospital I'm under to get the ball rolling. Fair enough.
The desided my ovary was OK... although they spent quite a lot of time trying to deside if what they were seeing was it or not because it appears to have moved somewhat to the left... aparently they can do that.
So anyway... I was discharged and given a copy of the letter they were sending to my GP.
When I got home I read it... and as far as I can work out, it says I have something 'in' not 'on' my ovary... it says it could be blood or a polyp.
It says ' within left cavity - mixed echoes and fluid. Could be blood or polyp'
Anyway... Sorry about going through all that but it's hard to explain it all quickly.
So it looks like I'll have to have an operation sooner rather than later.
A couple of weeks ago, I thought the op would just have to be to get rid of these cyst type things on my womb and trying to sort of my adhesions a bit... but now I'm thinking it's more likely they'll want to get rid of my left womb... But that terrifies me.
The problem is I've got a real catch 22. If I don't have the useless womb removed and come off the pill to try for kids (eventually), then the likelyhood is that within 2 or 3 months I'll be too ill to try for them.
However if I have the womb removed I have a horrible feeling that it would affect the good womb because they're attached.
I'm just feeling a bit useless as a human being... and undesirable. And generally low and I've got so many worries, about my health and my life. Things were just looking up at work; being asked to do management training and so on... But now I'm worried that the more time I have off work the less they'll think I'm up to doing things and put me to the side.
And I don't even know if I can carry on working in a job where I'm on my feet all the time... it seems to make my pains worse.
I just needed to off-load without worrying my mum or moaning to people I know because I hate myself when I feel like all I can talk about is how shit things are.
I've tried so fucking hard to be positive and get over the depression I was in when all this started when I was 14... and I thought I was doing really well... But now I feel like I'm going back to square one. I just feel like everything's falling apart again.
I'm wondering about looking into getting some more councelling... But I don't know if it would help.
:crying:
0
Comments
hugs and best wishes, hope it all gets sorted out for you xx
Ilora, near the beginning of the post Lu_C explains that she has two wombs. She doesn't mean ovaries, just to clarify.
she has two wombs, it says in the original post.
big hugs Lu_c, think counselling might be an idea too. hope you aer being suppoerted.
x
Honestly I think your one of the most inspiring people i've ever met (well virtually rather than physically) - you never seem to come accross as feeing sorry for yourself - even now your worrying about upsetting your mum rather than allowing yourself to wollow which you have every right to do.
Despite being ill you must have impressed everyone there if you have been reccomended for management training - which is hard enough if your not in pain every day
Massive Hugs - I think you have to focus for a bit on what is right for you and what will give you the best quality of life. if you can't have your own children but are no longer in constant pain its not the end of the world then there are still millions of other children in the world that need your love
I am sorry you are going through such a tough time... *hugs
When you say two wombs (also known as your uterus) do you know if it is 'bicornuate' - you might have heard this term. If this is the case then it is actually one womb with a wall down the middle splitting it into two cavities. One cavity is closed off and the other leads down to the cervix.
If this is what you have then have they actually said they plan on removing one side? The body is a wonderful mechanism and if they decide that this is the best plan then it doesn't necessarily mean you will lose your chance to have kids. If one side of your uterus has a working ovary then I would hope that it would still be a possibility for you.
You have to sit down with your Consultant and ask as many questions as you need... they may not have solid facts for you with regards to future fertility but they can be honest with you about your chances...
I am sorry that you will have to go through so much but keep focussed on the other side - you will get there *hugs
Knowing that, I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what it must like to want kids and not know if you'll be able to have them.
I suppose all you can do is talk about it, and I suppose, grieve.
I've told you before and I'll say it again, you're a very attractive girl and you've been so strong I know you can do it again.
I think having the operartion sooner sounds like a good idea, if you're worried about it affecting the other womb, then just ask your doctor and if you're still really uncertain, seek advice from other medical clinics and make a decision. Councilling might be a good idea, they may have some of the answers you need.
As for your job, you shouldn't worry about what they think, get a doctors note or something... and I think it might be a good idea to get a job where you aren't on your feet the whole time, even if it's just for now until you're feeling better and recovered from the operation.
Good luck, you know where I am if you need to talk.
You've no idea how pathetic I feel moaning on about this. I get into this self-hate feeling whenever I hear myself complaining; and I know I have every right to feel shit about the stuff that's going on. But I also know being down in the dumps about it isn't going to help any.
They originally diagnosed it as this... But they have sinced changed their minds and it is actually a didelfic uterus... meaning that both halves are different wombs. I think the difference being that the wall down the middle has the same kind of tissue that a normal 'whole' womb should have and is stretchy and so on; which is better really.
I'm probably being totally paranoid and worrying over nothing.
The thing is... When I was a little kid and me and my sister would play with dolls; she'd always pretend they were her children; whereas mine were always adopted. I was always admament that I couldn't have children. I know there is no way I could have known really... But it's always made me wonder if I had some kind of innate knowledge of what was wrong with my insides.
Then I hit puberty and I think hormones and mothering instincts started kicking in and I decided I was the kind of person who wanted kids and began to hope that one day I could have my own family... And then all this crap kicked off.
I was told at 14 that I would need IVF to have children - back when they thought it was one womb split down the middle... because they would have to implant the egg in the right part of the womb or something.
Since then they've told me I should be able to concieve naturally... But like I said in my OP; if I come off the pill I'm going to be too ill to try.
Since I found out about my left womb I've known it would probably have to come out some day... I just thouht it would be further down the line. But now I don't know if I can carry on living with it causing so many problems.
I've tried to banish the self-pity talk now anyway. I'll let myself wallow for a little while, but now I've got to get back to thinking positive.
People put up with a lot worse.
What will be will be. I can't change anything, so I might as well get used to what I've got to live with. It's just hard to keep reminding myself of that sometimes.
Seeing my GP on monday for a sicknote, so I'll talk to her about counselling then. But I don't think my surgery can refer patients to counsellors as there aren't any working for them or anything. I might have to find one myself.
And thanks Wyetry for your kind words; well and all of you.
I would imagine that is definately better from a surgical point of view - it will hopefully mean that your remaining uterus will be able to work normally with your ovary...
Please don't apologise for needing to talk about any of this - I think you are a remarkable person and please do not think less of yourself for needing a bit of a helping hand...
*hugs again
I really don't know what to say about the main subject, other than that I hope that after they do whichever they will things will be a lot better.
But, don't feel bad about needing to vent, or needing to cry, or anything... You're a person like all of us, we all need these things at times. I'm sure you know that already.
And you're not useless or undesirable either. I'm sure there are people who like you very much (myself included) and people who look up to you a lot (myself included as well).