Getting back my motivation

Former Member

Sorry for yet another moaning thread, just had to get it out.

I've finally decided to leave my boyfriend, and am in the process of moving out. I'm just finding it hard to get the motivation to pack up all my stuff and go. Over the past few nights I've been staying at a friends (where I'm moving into) and she's really pressuring me to get everything over there. I know she's only doing what's best as I know the longer I drag it out, the worse it will get. I just haven't got any drive to do it.

I'm sitting here at my boyfriend's place, amongst the masses of stuff that I have to move, and all I want to do is go to sleep. I know if I don't go to my friend's tonight she'll be angry, as it's not the first time I've said 'tonight's the final night'.

It doesn't help that his parents want me to stay.

Just blah really, and apologies for the whining.

I know I need to just think 'stuff it' and go, but it's not that easy. Any ideas how I can get my motivation back?

Former Member

Sure this is what you want then if your stalling?

Former Member

It's what I've got to do. He doesn't seem to be the nice person I met four years ago. I had him screaming at me down the phone until 4am this morning, and again tonight. I can't live like that.

I think maybe I'm wondering whether I'm the one in the wrong, and all this is a mistake. I just don't know.

Former Member

Just go and don't think...

That's what I do in such situation. When my reasoning is unreasonable, I just do it, force myself to the decision, and weigh pro vs contra in the aftermath.

It may sound stupid, but that's what I do in complicated situations. If you have the freedom to do everything it's the hardest part to do anything at all, so I just burn down all the bridges instead of one, I WILL have to take then.

**helen**

Hey there,
Making a decision to put a halt to a relationship when you still have strong feelings is hard enough, but when you're living with the person it definitely adds another dimension. On the upside, it sounds like you have good friends around you, so don't be afraid to let them take care of you during this tough time.

As for motivation - I think you've hit the nail on the head right here:

seriouslyunique wrote: »

I had him screaming at me down the phone until 4am this morning, and again tonight. I can't live like that.

It sounds like unless you take a leap of faith then you won't know whether or not there is anything positive left about the relationship for you to try and salvage. Some space away from the situation may well help you to see things from a new perspective, gain some independence and get some confidence back.

Take good care of yourself and don't feel you have to apologise for posting about it here - it's what were here for.

Former Member

Hey I just want to add my 2p.

I know it's tough, and you question whether it was the right decision, but you either live your whole life like this too worried to go and take a leap of faith, or you pack your stuff, put it in the car and go.

I like to think of the saying 'Fortune favours the bold'. Stepping into the unknown is scary and it's oh so easy to put it off because not taking action is safer than taking action - but you'll find that when you do start to take a chance and do things that good things will happen.

Sorry, a little over the top, but I went through this not long ago, ending my relationship of 3 or something years. It was a good move for me, and since then I've gained a lot of confidence, and done more stuff, but I know it's difficult to get going in the first place.

Former Member

Thanks everyone.

Now he's taken to crying down the phone at me and saying how much I mean to him. It's just really hard. People have said that he's just manipulating me, but I really don't know.

The support on here is such a help.

Former Member

It does sound like he is manipulating you from what you have said.

Having to pack up and move stuff probably doesn't help either as that can be stressful enough without the added pressure of the circumstances.

Your friend is probably only pressuring you because as you say, the longer you drag it out, the worse it will be and she has you in mind.

Stay strong, take care of yourself

Former Member

Yes...it's still going on and I'm still dragging it out.

My friend has given me a deadline of tomorrow to move in with her, or stay where I am.

I suggested to my boyfriend that maybe I should go and stay with her for a while, but stay together, as it might help us work things out, with a bit of space and perspective. He's turned around and said no though, that I would be leaving him with nothing, and he doesn't want me to go. He says if I do then that's it with us. Makes it all harder, as I do love him, but don't think I can live here anymore.

I really need to stop messing my friend about, but I have no idea whether I'm doing the right thing, and whether it'll all backfire and I'll regret it.

I've had soooo much good advice but I just don't know how to do it. It's like, I know what I should do, but I don't know if it's right.