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Need some help (pregnancy)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Found out this morning my sister is pregnant, but my mum and her bf are being a bit useless about it all. She said she wants a termination, but she's not sure because basically my mum has said she is getting one full stop. Not only that, but my sister had to walk in the cold today all the way to the doctors surgery on her own because her bf was in bed, asleep and mum had gone to her boyfriends.
It's just a bit ridiculous really, here she is needing help and support and they've basically abandoned her. I said to her it's her decision and so did the doctor, and now she's not really sure. I'm slightly worried that I'll end up talking her out of a decision she's made, but at the same time up until now she has felt like she only has one option and that everyone will hate her if she doesn't do that?
My mum really gets on my nerves sometimes. I'm 100 miles away and can't leave right now, but everyone at home is being so useless. Are they any good helpline numbers or anything at all I can give her that can provide a bit more support and some help in making the right decision for her. She's really scared about regretting it and becoming depressed (as she's suffered with that before) and really she should feel that whatever decision she makes we'll all support her.
It's just a bit ridiculous really, here she is needing help and support and they've basically abandoned her. I said to her it's her decision and so did the doctor, and now she's not really sure. I'm slightly worried that I'll end up talking her out of a decision she's made, but at the same time up until now she has felt like she only has one option and that everyone will hate her if she doesn't do that?
My mum really gets on my nerves sometimes. I'm 100 miles away and can't leave right now, but everyone at home is being so useless. Are they any good helpline numbers or anything at all I can give her that can provide a bit more support and some help in making the right decision for her. She's really scared about regretting it and becoming depressed (as she's suffered with that before) and really she should feel that whatever decision she makes we'll all support her.
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Sorry to here that your sister's getting so little support at home at what must be an incredibly stressful time for her. Even though you're 100 miles away, I?m sure that the fact that she can talk to you, and the fact that you've said that you?ll be there whichever decision she makes, will mean a huge amount to her.
Does she have a trusted adult she can talk to in her local area? Someone who can accompany her to the doctor's appointments or just talk things through with her afterwards.
If your sister's under 25, she can visit her local Brook centre for face-to-face counseling, alternatively she can call their helpline (0800 0185 023) or use their online ask Brook service. If you're not familiar with Brook, they?re a service which provides free and confidential sexual health advice. You can find out more on their website here.
Family planning also has a confidential helpline which can talk people through the options open to them. Their number in England is 0845 122 8690 - more info about the service here.
I'm sure she's already had her options explained to her by a doctor, but if you think it'd be helpful, you could direct her towards TheSite.org's pregnancy section.
It's not an easy one, but keep talking to your sister. Encourage her to take some time to come to a decision that she thinks work out best for her in the long term. Again, I'm sure she'll be grateful for your support.
Okay, some of what I am about to write could be construed as cruel, but there we go. First of all, your sister is going to need a lot of support to make a decision about this. Does she carry on with the pregnancy, or does she have an abortion? Make sure that she seeks as much advice as possible in order to make the right decision. There are plenty of places, online and offline, to find this out. To ShyBoy himself, I commend very highly your response to all this. Your support will be exactly what your sister needs is, and she is very lucky to have you as a brother.
The mother in question must be told, in no uncertain terms, to shove it. It's not her body that this baby is growing in. She may well think that she has her daughter's interests at heart - forcing someone to have a termination, whether they want one or not, is certainly not in anyone's interests but the mother's. If your sister wants to have a baby, that's something for her to decide, and attempting to pressure someone like that is simply outrageous. As for the boyfriend, someone needs to tell him firmly to buckle up - his conduct simply isn't on. I don't especially care if he's in denial or whatever - his girlfriend is pregnant and needs him right now. It sounds like heads need knocking together, and fast.
Next week: ShyBoy becomes new middle east envoy as he can seemingly resolve any dispute.
And much thanks for the info links, I think she's going to go private so will get the little extra support.