What should I do?

Former Member

I have a friend who quite clearly has a problem with the way she sees herself and is taking dieting to an extreme and is just denying she has a problem. Everyone is really worried about her and keeps trying to help but she just says she is fine despite being clearly not fine! She needs some help and I don't know how to help her.
I'm at a loss as to what to do - she's going to destroy herself if she keeps on.
help help help.

Former Member

Talking to her doesnt seem to be helping. Do you have any mutual friends who can see the problem as well? Try getting them to talk to her as well. With this sort of problem the sufferer is often in complete denial and it can take them a very long time to see what they are doing to themselves and get help.

You have to keep supporting her though, because she really will need all the help she can get at the moment.

Former Member

There are other mutual friends who can see the problem as well, and she doesn't take any notice of them saying it either.
I hope she knows that I'm there for her and I do try to support her but it's so hard watching her go through this and knowing that the only way she is going to get better is if she realises that she has a problem and actually WANTS to change.

I've never had an eating disorder myself and I've never known anybody with one and so I'm at a complete loss as to what to do.

Former Member

just be there for her to talk to.

if she doesn't want to be helped then she won't be helped. as painful as it is, all you can do is wait for her to be ready.

Former Member

The one thing I'll say that's good is the fact that the cries for help are there. When I had issues with food it was like a secret that I guarded with my life, an incredibly guilty, guarded secret.

It's difficult to advise. There's not a lot you can do in the friend capacity other than encourage her to seek help, be there for her, keep reassuring her that she's not alone and help is there.

Former Member

thanks guys.

Bunnie

You need to just be there for her unfortunately there isnt a lot that you can do unless she realises she has a problem.

It is all dependent on her personality. If she is stubborn often the best bet may be to just have it out with her.

If she is often a bit dramatic and often 'attention seeking' you need to let her play it out, as nasty as that sounds.

Does she talk about it, even if it is in a back handed way, if you know what I mean?

Like does she mention she doesnt like her body a lot, and that she is dieting all the time, or does she keep it to herself and you have noticed from her eating habits and weight loss?

In this kind of situation the remedy differs from person to person.

Former Member

.

Former Member

done

Former Member

omg hi wrote: »

if she doesn't want to be helped then she won't be helped. as painful as it is, all you can do is wait for her to be ready.

:yes:

It's difficult. I know what we're talking about here, but I'm going to give you general advice/personal experience.

When I was at my worst, there wasn't a damn thing anyone could have done for me. And the worst part was that the people who meant the best and who really thought they were helping, weren't. Telling me they were worrying about me just made me impressed that I had made people worry, so I carried on. Telling me I looked too thin just reassured me I was on the right path, cause I singlemindedly wanted to be too thin, at the expense of everything else. Telling me I was going to die had no effect, because that was part of my intention as well. Telling me to get help was an idea I simply brushed off, because I didn't WANT help. The ones who tried to force me to get help put me in an impossible position: a choice between the friend and my ED. And to be perfectly honest, I chose the ED.

With something like this, you don't get help. You are helped when you decide to help yourself. You can go to the doctor (read: be taken to the doctor) and get therapy, weigh-ins, counselling, drugs, whatever, like I did. I also lied my way through the therapy and cheated my way through the weigh ins. Not a single thing changed until I stopped being so damn impressed by what I was doing and chose to eat. That is the long and the short of it.

Former Member

I was in a similar position to you KHSS, but years back now, and like others have said, absolutely nothing worked until one day something clicked in my friends head and she realised that actually there was a problem and she did need help.

Recently she's said to me that the turning point came when she suddenly realised how much she was missing out on, not eating was making so many other things not possible and it clicked that to get back to 'normal' things were going to have to change.

Look after yourself, and be a friend, but sadly there's nothing you can really do until she decides she wants to do something. Only thing I would say is try not to pander to it. If you and some friends would have gone out to dinner, and she won't come, go anyway. If you're doing something that needs some stamina and energy, do it anyway and let it show that you enjoy it.

Big thing though is don't let it take over your life.

Former Member

I've been in a similar situation to your friend and tbh, there's not alot you can do. I was constantly being told that I need help and there was nothing my friend could do. To make everything slightly worse for me, he decided that it was all too much for him (I was really clingy) and because of this, he couldn't talk to me, which made everything worse.

All you can do is be there for her. Don't pressurise her into doing something she's not ready to do.

Former Member

to be perfectly honest unless she wants help there is absolutly nothing you can do, as frustrating as that might be for you.