Sexual abuse

Former Member

So I just found out that my mum was sexually abused by her dad throughout her childhood. I'm kinda freaking out. Any one have any advice about how I'm supposed to absorb something like this?

Thanks x

Bunnie

I am sorry to hear that hun.

I dont have any advice, but be there for your mum, it must have been hard for her to bring it up and tell you.

But remember to have time for you, just chill and out and try and get your head around things.

Possibly even speak to someone who is trained, e.g. the samaritans.

thinking of you

Former Member

You'll have to give it time. Must be really hard to find out something like this. Take care.

Former Member

It's difficult to accept, and absorb. Without knowing the circumstances, regardless, it must've been a big decision for your mum to tell you that. It's very difficult to share such things. Of course, it's just as hard to be on the other end of that conversation. It is certainly a common response to retreat and feel totally freaked out, to run the gamut of emotions from horror to anger to disgust to real sorrow.

The important thing is to figure out how to move on, it's dreadful and I can understand that, but it is the past. Is there a reason she's told you at this point? You say you "found out" so I guess it's possible that your mum didn't even tell you herself, or if she did that doesn't necessarily mean you talked about it. I don't mean talked through the abuse, but talked through the way this is making you - and her - feel.

It's hard to know what else to say, other than I'm sorry you had to hear this about a loved one. It's brutal, but your mum has been strong for years now and you can be strong on hearing this, too. I wish you all the strength and luck in the world; talk to your mum, be good to each other, be there for each other.

Former Member

Time. It must have been very hard for your mum to tell you.

Samartians or another support group will help if you want someone to talk to.

Former Member

Thanks for your replys,

she didn't plan on telling me it just sort of came out after an argument. I knew that she had been abused but she is extremely closed about it and I had got it into my head that she wasn't sexually abused.

I have had some similar experiences, which she doesn't know about, so I guess that I was freaking out about that too.

Former Member

I found out about my mum in the exact same way and for only the second time in my life i saw her cry. It was strange but the only thing i could think of doing was to hug her and apologise for the whole arguement.

My mum has always been really vague about her childhood and barely ever mentioned her father, so i knew something had happened but i never imagined something like that. So although it came as a huge shock to me, it did help me understand a lot about my mum and her personality/why she avoids getting too close to people etc.

I guess the best advice i can give to you is not to bring it up unless your mum wants to talk about it. Be there for her if she needs to talk to someone and if you need to talk about it, perhaps talk to someone you trust or as has been mentioned a helpline.

Former Member

I'm so sorry to hear that! I wish you best of luck dealing with what happened to you and your mum. Maybe it'd be good to talk to your mum about your experiance too, but only if you feel that both of you are ready. It might make you feel better.