what should i say

Former Member

I ended up doing something really silly over xmas, went out with friends and my ex was there and we all went back to party and he told me he missed me etc, anyway ended up sleeping with him but the next day i knew it was wrong thing to do so told him i just wanted to be mates and he agreed.

Then sat just gone we all meet up again for drinks ( we share same friends) i was drunk and ended up sharing same bed as him and he started talking about old times etc, but i turned over and went to sleep and a little while later i woke up and he was having sex with me, i didnt no what to do and just kinda froze and went along with it.. i know its half my fault but i cant believe he did that. He pretended he couldnt really remember what happened the next day, but he was well able to take my pj's off and put a condom on himself without me waking so i think he does remember. should i say something to him??

Former Member

sorry hon but to my mind, this is rape-its certainly sex without your consent, isnt it?
it isnt your fault AT ALL.
i have been in that situation, i felt to blame because i just lay there-v groggyn didnt really get it. It happened to me over a period of months with a boyf, and I blame myself for letting it happen through that time, without ever saying anything. It still haunts me now, I have dreams where I wake up in a complete panic, not being ableto breathe because I have nightmared it happening again.
I dont know what else to say, ecept am sorry this has happened to you.xx

Former Member

Yes...

"Were not sleeping in the same bed again!"

**helen**

Lankygirl wrote: »

it isnt your fault AT ALL.

:yes: INDEED.

Sex with an ex can be complicated at the best of times, but this case is a definite breach of your trust. Whether or not you say something to him depends on how comfortable you feel, but this should give you a chance to think seriously about giving yourself some real space away from him. It can be tough when you have mutual friends, but now might be the time to think about widening your social circle as you deserve 100% better.

Former Member

If a guy's honestly prepared to do that to a drunk woman, it speaks volumes about the sort of man he really is. Get rid of this loser.

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote: »

If a guy's honestly prepared to do that to a drunk woman, it speaks volumes about the sort of man he really is. Get rid of this loser.

:yes:
it wasn't consensual sex from what you've said. its sounds like date rape. no one has the right to do that to you. if i were you i wouldn't have anything more to do with him.

Former Member

thanks guys, i have spoke to few other people about this and they all basically said that it was my fault and that i should of told him to stop the minute i woke up or else i was letting him think i wanted it ( i agree that i should of told him to stop, but how could he think i wanted it when i was asleep for most of it )

'He rang me last night and asked me if i wanted to go out fri but i told him no that we needed to stay away from eachother for a while and that i couldnt trust him after what he did sat and he just went quite and then said ok.. so he no's what he did otherwise he would of asked me what i was talking about

Former Member

At the very least you shouldn't see him again. Guy sounds like a cunt.

Former Member

Whowhere wrote: »

At the very least you shouldn't see him again. Guy sounds like a cunt.

:yes: like I said, but much more succinctly

Former Member

angelgirl wrote: »

thanks guys, i have spoke to few other people about this and they all basically said that it was my fault and that i should of told him to stop the minute i woke up or else i was letting him think i wanted it ( i agree that i should of told him to stop, but how could he think i wanted it when i was asleep for most of it )

:eek2: What lovely people! (that was sarcasm by the way!) I fail to understand how it can be your fault when you were asleep for most of it. Ignore them. Its not your fault at all.

Stay away from that guy. He sounds like a jerk.

Former Member

Yup.

And while you're at it, I'd find some new friends as well. It's hardly your fault and anyone that told you it was should be shot. Or something.

Former Member

Personally I'd have been tempted to scare the shit out of him and talk about going to the police with this... Although I understand with the circumstances you not wanting to... But it would be a perfectly ligitimate thing to get him arrested for.
He absolutly should know that it is never acceptable to have sex with someone while there asleep. I just hope he's not been doing it to anyone else as well.

My friend got raped while she was asleep in her own bed, and now the guy is in prizon with an 8 year sentence.

You are absolutly not to blame, and don't be beating yourself up about not saying anything when you woke up and realised what was happening... you were obviously in shock and sleepy.

Former Member

Franki wrote: »

And while you're at it, I'd find some new friends as well. It's hardly your fault and anyone that told you it was should be shot. Or something.

:yes: I was trying to think of a nice way of putting it, but I'll just nick Franki's instead