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This is so depressing

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
My girlfriend's parents told her to go to Dubai, her uncle has a job there waiting for her. The news was so sudden to us, she told me 2 days ago. Until now I couldn't take the news. She told them she doesn't want to go, but it isn't her choice, they say. Which is stupid coz she's 22! She's old enough! I'm so depressed coz she's gonna be so far away, and I can't do anything about it.. I don't know what to do anymore, we love each other so much and have plans for our future, and now... *sigh*

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like your girlfriend needs to divorce her parents. 22 for christ's sake.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ilora-Danon wrote: »
    Sounds like your girlfriend needs to divorce her parents. 22 for christ's sake.

    I guess it depends on the family's culture though.

    For example, I have a mate who's from Bangladesh (he moved here to study) and he was staying at my place after work's Christmas dinner. Anyway, he told his Mum that he was staying at my male flatmate's place.

    It's something that is to do with family morals, I was talking about it to some friends too. We take it for granted that as Westerners, we have freedom from a relatively young age.

    However, the lady in question may be a Westerner, is she?
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    No matter the culture, if she's 22 it's very legal for her to go anywhere she wishes. In this country at least. If she really doesn't want to go, no one can force her. Simple as that. If she does go then she wants to go, even if not entirely.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :banghead: :crazyeyes :nervous: :grump: :no: :shocking:

    that's all I could do right now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Indrid Cold wrote: »
    No matter the culture, if she's 22 it's very legal for her to go anywhere she wishes. In this country at least. If she really doesn't want to go, no one can force her. Simple as that. If she does go then she wants to go, even if not entirely.

    Innit.

    That sucks man, but I'd seriously try getting your girlfriend to reconsider and stick up for herself, if she really doesn't want to go.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Indrid Cold wrote: »
    No matter the culture, if she's 22 it's very legal for her to go anywhere she wishes. In this country at least. If she really doesn't want to go, no one can force her. Simple as that. If she does go then she wants to go, even if not entirely.

    Legally noone can make her go but socially her parents could make it a complete nightmare for her if she refused. I guess it depends on how she has been brought up and what kind of relationship she has with her parents.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Indrid Cold wrote: »
    No matter the culture, if she's 22 it's very legal for her to go anywhere she wishes. In this country at least. If she really doesn't want to go, no one can force her. Simple as that. If she does go then she wants to go, even if not entirely.

    :yes:
    But it depends a lot to on cultural / relationship issues in her family which without knowing more is difficult to comment on. but if she didn't want to go, from a legal standpoint her parents would be powerless to make her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Indrid Cold wrote: »
    No matter the culture, if she's 22 it's very legal for her to go anywhere she wishes. In this country at least. If she really doesn't want to go, no one can force her. Simple as that. If she does go then she wants to go, even if not entirely.

    well, i give namaste that.

    in some culture that might be a real disgrace for your whole family. If you are brought up that way I guess it's a lot more difficult than any of you can imagine.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    well, i give namaste that.

    in some culture that might be a real disgrace for your whole family. If you are brought up that way I guess it's a lot more difficult than any of you can imagine.
    Of course it would, but even then if she goes it means she wants to. "Even not entirely" as I said. On some level, she wants to.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cultural reasons? Oh, how I hate that argument. Because it may be for "cultural reasons", we somehow have to respect it? Right... female circumcision is seen as almost compulsory in some cultures. Does that mean I should respect this hideous genital mutilation of women for extremely dubious reasons? Absolutely not.

    If my parents tried to force me to move to another country/marry someone of their own choice/whatever, I'd be very quick to tell them to fuck off.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote: »

    If my parents tried to force me to move to another country/marry someone of their own choice/whatever, I'd be very quick to tell them to fuck off.

    I think thats a very nieve statement.

    There are many examples of girls in the UK being killed by thier parents for refusing to do as thier parents wanted. Even if your parents are unlikely to kill you it could mean the whole of your world being turned upside down, never being allowed to see your parents, sibilings and other family members again. Not getting access to your inheritance or even getting your allowance cut off could also make you think twice about saying no to a parental request.

    I have on occasion (obv when i was much youngr) told my parents that they can't tell me what to do - but i've also have friends who have been paranoied about being seen talking to boys at university for fear of how thier parents would react.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wyetry wrote: »
    There are many examples of girls in the UK being killed by thier parents for refusing to do as thier parents wanted. Even if your parents are unlikely to kill you it could mean the whole of your world being turned upside down, never being allowed to see your parents, sibilings and other family members again. Not getting access to your inheritance or even getting your allowance cut off could also make you think twice about saying no to a parental request.
    You call that a request. I call it blackmail and bullying.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote: »
    You call that a request. I call it blackmail and bullying.

    Telling them to fuck of is hardly likely to abate the situation though is it
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wyetry wrote: »
    Telling them to fuck of is hardly likely to abate the situation though is it
    It still doesn't change the fact they have no right to tell her what to do - and "cultural reasons" isn't an excuse that I'm prepared to buy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote: »
    It still doesn't change the fact they have no right to tell her what to do - and "cultural reasons" isn't an excuse that I'm prepared to buy.

    Well then your lucky that your *culture* allows you to do so
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    stargalaxy wrote: »
    You call that a request. I call it blackmail and bullying.
    Absolutely correct.
    Wyetry wrote: »
    Telling them to fuck of is hardly likely to abate the situation though is it
    Also absolutely correct.
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