lonely

Former Member

i dunno why im writting this really, i guess i just want to vent.

i feel ever so lonely right now, well actually not even just right now, always.

i cant seem to hang onto friends. and i dont know why.

i'm 21 now but when i was at school i had a group of 5 friends and we were all close. now they remain close to each other but none talk to me anymore. we didnt fight or argue, i continued to make the effort with them but got nothing in return.

at my previous job i made what i thought were good friends, i then left my job but continued to stay in contact with them, continued to make the effort but again got nothing in return.

i had one close friend who for a year was my best friend, we did everything together and i thought we would always be friends. and i will admit it was the best year of my life. then she met someone and within 6 weeks had moved away. we stayed in touch for a few weeks but now she ignores my calls and texts. again we didnt argue or fight, i continued to make the effort but got nothing in return.

i have been at my current job since febuary and i love it, i get on well with everyone. i even went on a night out with one girl and had a great time. we still talk at work but if i ever suggest going out she says no.

so i just feel alone now. i have no one to turn to and no one to talk to. ok i have a few people online who i talk to, but they are so far away and its just not the same. i dont know what to do anymore, i try my hardest, i make the effort but i'm still on my own.

and people say to me 'oh why dont you go out here' or 'oh why didnt you go out on new years?' or 'what did you do on your birthday?' and when i say i have no one to go out with and that i just stay at home they look at me like im joking. and its so hurtful. its like no one believes me, no one understands just how lonely i am.

i dont even know what i want from writting this, i just needed to get it out i suppose.

i'm sorry.

Former Member

Aw that's really shit to hear. I don't know why you're having this problem...maybe it's just because you and your old friends grew apart. Also, with work colleagues, sometimes people like to keep it just as that - work, with the occassional nights out but..still work. I don't know! You seem like a really nice girl perhaps you just haven't found the right friends yet.

Former Member

i just feel like i cant be bothered to make new friends anymore. atleast if i dont try i cant get let down again

Former Member

Friends will probably stay friends longer and stronger if they have a common belief system of some sort that shapes the kind of person they want to be - rather then being friends just because you happen to work in the same place.

For example if you're a goth and meet other goths then you have something in common, or really into art or literature, I know people really into climbing and there you've not only got a common interest but your new friend could have your life in their hands one day, so you build up trust.

Former Member

blonde__batman wrote: »

i just feel like i cant be bothered to make new friends anymore. atleast if i dont try i cant get let down again

Thats only going to make you feel worse. Believe me!

The hardest things are usually the things that are best for us. You need to make more friends. Join clubs, societies or take up an activity to help you meet more like minded people.

I know its hard when you feel left down time after time, but hiding away and not bothering just creates worse problems in the long run.

Its a new year, so make a new start, but dont hide away and not bother. All the best :thumb:

Former Member

Oh that is terrible to hear. I feel your pain, its really the worst. Up until about half a year ago, it was probably around 2 years since I had been out or really even had a friend of my own. And it does feel like people look at you weird when you say it. Or they'll say something like, well go join a club or a group of some kind, its easy. But its really not often just that easy.

Have you ever tried something online? More people than you'd think are in the same boat, whether they just drifted apart, moved or what not. One day I got fed up and went onto craigslist to the personals part and looked for girls and hanging out. One girl sounded nice so I messaged her and and a couple weeks later six girls met for lunch, four of us went out for drinks and pool afterwards and we've been hanging out since. I made real good friends with one and we go out almost every weekend now.

Theres alot of nice, normal, average, sane people out there lonley with noone to hang out with too. It might be worth a shot Even if you don't get along, it might be nice to have just a meal or something one night with a few. Might raise your spirits a bit

Former Member

I found that since i left school ive found it harder to meet friends as now when you are at uni or work you dont HAVE to be friends, while at school you dont really have other means of making friends.

The next time you are out with another person (like that girl at work) i would suggest trying to scout for potential friends, i have made some friends that way

Former Member

Simba T Lion wrote: »

Or they'll say something like, well go join a club or a group of some kind, its easy. But its really not often just that easy.

:yes: thats what everyone is saying to me, but its not that easy. i have 0 self confidence right now so its practially impossible for me to walk into somewhere and start chatting with people!

what you said about meeting friends online sounds quite interesting, what website did you go on?

some people say to me i need to be happy on my own before i can start making friends, but they dont seem to understand that i need people around me, i just cant be happy being on my own all the time.

Former Member

Yeah you do need other people in your life.
I've been in your situation in the past. Isn't there any way of getting back in touch with some old friends, perhaps via facebook or just drop them a text and ask if they fancy meeting up?

As for making new friends, there are lots of ways of doing so. When I moved to a new city, I did a search on live journal to see if there were any people who lived there who I could ask about things. The first girl I found has ended up being one of my best friends!

Another thing I've done lately is join a book group, which is organised through a website called meetup
That's been a great way to meet people, and it doesn't matter if you're a bit quiet because you don't HAVE to join in the conversation, some people just sit and listen and then come for a drink after/in the break.

Good luck.

Former Member

katchika wrote: »

Isn't there any way of getting back in touch with some old friends, perhaps via facebook or just drop them a text and ask if they fancy meeting up?

i have tried to get back in touch with people. i have them all on my facebook but when i suggest meeting up they just dont reply.
i even text the girl who moved away, i told her how low and lonely i am feeling...got no reply. nothing at all. she was once my closest friend and now doesnt care enough to give me 5 minutes of her time.

Former Member

Oh Chelle I really do feel for you. You seem such a nice person I cant imagine why people wouldn't want to be your friend! Meeting people online like Simba suggested sounds like a good idea. Have you found out if you've got into university yet? I know it's far away but once you go to university you really will make tons of friends in halls and on your course and you'll all be in the same boat because they won't know people in the area either. One of my housemates said she had no friends at home because they all drifted away after school and was in the same situation as you, and now she's got tons of friends and said she is so glad she came to university. Sorry if this isn't much help for now but at least it gives you something to look forward to :yes: Remember I'm always here on on LJ if you want to talk x

**helen**

Hey, like others I'd say you come across as a lovely girl who deserves to have good friends. Please don't give up as will a little effort things will look up for you.

There's already been lots of good advice, but you may find our Q&A in the askTheSite archive which is about a similar situation helpful too - here

Finally, although we often believe that our friends will always be there for us when we're feeling low, sometimes people can back off when we tell them we're lonely as they're not quite sure how to respond to it or don't have the courage to be the person to help us out. I think I've probably been on both sides of this situation in the last ten or so years - and one thing's for sure - it is not a negative reflection on the person feeling low at all. What it's more a sign of is that one person can't be all things so the benefits of allowing yourself to become close to more than one good friend can't be underestimated.

Former Member

Some friends just aren't going to be there all your life..it's a shame but sometimes they are just there while you share something together like school or a particular job.

It's rare to find a friendship where both parties make the effort even after you no longer share something in your life.

Former Member

aleox wrote: »

Have you found out if you've got into university yet? I know it's far away but once you go to university you really will make tons of friends in halls and on your course

I havent found out yet, i've sent my application but as of yet not heard a thing!
The only thought which is keeping me sane right now is that in a 9 months time i will hopefully be starting uni and i pray i will make some friends there.
the fact that i will meet lots of new people is actually one of the main reasons i have applied to go.

Former Member

**Helen** wrote: »

There's already been lots of good advice, but you may find our Q&A in the askTheSite archive which is about a similar situation helpful too - here

Thank you for showing me that, its actually a great relief to know others feel the same as i do!

Former Member

i'm feeling a bit better at the moment. my friend who moved away just called me and we talked for 45 mins, she is coming up here tommorrow and we're going to go out for a drink she apologised for being such a bad friend and said she didnt realise how upset i'd been

Former Member

**Helen** wrote: »

Finally, although we often believe that our friends will always be there for us when we're feeling low...

It's a myth. Most people are just acquaintances who pose as friends. The moment you genuinely need someone to help you, these frauds suddenly disappear. It's at the difficult times in one's life when a person finds out who their true friends really are. They are the ones to be cherished. And as for those who did a Macavity when you needed someone to talk to, or maybe a shoulder to cry on... I'd tell them to shove it. Nobody needs losers like that in their lives.

True friends are rare. Too fucking rare.

Former Member

You sound just like me.... I still haven't found the answer yet.

Former Member

blonde__batman wrote: »

i just feel like i cant be bothered to make new friends anymore. atleast if i dont try i cant get let down again

But if yoiu don't try then you won't make new friends.

People walk in and out of your life... Probably most people don't keep in touch with all their school friends and collegues.

Former Member

blonde__batman wrote: »

i dunno why im writting this really, i guess i just want to vent.

i feel ever so lonely right now, well actually not even just right now, always.

i cant seem to hang onto friends. and i dont know why.

i'm 21 now but when i was at school i had a group of 5 friends and we were all close. now they remain close to each other but none talk to me anymore. we didnt fight or argue, i continued to make the effort with them but got nothing in return.

at my previous job i made what i thought were good friends, i then left my job but continued to stay in contact with them, continued to make the effort but again got nothing in return.

i had one close friend who for a year was my best friend, we did everything together and i thought we would always be friends. and i will admit it was the best year of my life. then she met someone and within 6 weeks had moved away. we stayed in touch for a few weeks but now she ignores my calls and texts. again we didnt argue or fight, i continued to make the effort but got nothing in return.

i have been at my current job since febuary and i love it, i get on well with everyone. i even went on a night out with one girl and had a great time. we still talk at work but if i ever suggest going out she says no.

so i just feel alone now. i have no one to turn to and no one to talk to. ok i have a few people online who i talk to, but they are so far away and its just not the same. i dont know what to do anymore, i try my hardest, i make the effort but i'm still on my own.

and people say to me 'oh why dont you go out here' or 'oh why didnt you go out on new years?' or 'what did you do on your birthday?' and when i say i have no one to go out with and that i just stay at home they look at me like im joking. and its so hurtful. its like no one believes me, no one understands just how lonely i am.

i dont even know what i want from writting this, i just needed to get it out i suppose.

i'm sorry.

Duh, life is tough. Maybe you should try and grow a backbone instead of having any "friends".

Former Member

kiddranc wrote: »

Duh, life is tough. Maybe you should try and grow a backbone instead of having any "friends".

Did you read the thread?

Former Member

kiddranc wrote: »

Duh, life is tough. Maybe you should try and grow a backbone instead of having any "friends".

Perhaps now you've been banned, you'll have more time to follow your own advice?