Missing your mates

Former Member

I don't really know what I want people to reply to this but I think I realise why I've been feeling so down recently.
Ok so when I finished college, there were alot of people that I'll probably never see again who I got on with, and alot of my best mates went to Uni. I still get to see my mates who went to Uni when they come back for holidays so that's cool, but either way it kinda sucked.
Anyway, some of you might know that in January I go travelling for a few months which will be wicked. The problem is, my other best mate who I didn't go to school with, but who I work with so see every day, is going travelling for a whole year. Then by the time he get's back, I'll be at Uni in Southampton so I'm really not sure if I'll ever really see him again? This sucks so much, as although I haven't known him that long in the scheme of things, we pretty much see eachother every day and we've been through so much shit together. I don't know, I just hate knowing I have a countdown til I won't see my best mate for a year, maybe longer. And even when he comes back, it just won't be the same. :crying:
I just can't accept all the changes that are going on in my life at the moment, I know that they are exciting and neccesary, but I hate the fact that everything's changing and the people that I've been spending pretty much all my time with, are basically going to become strangers to me. It really hurts thinking about it, I would die for my best mates.

Former Member

Not a lot I can say, other than I empathise. I guess it's a rite of passage that the majority of people do go through, losing friends, friendships losing their intensity, people moving on, away, onwards, upwards.

There's no reason why you won't maintain a friendship with your best mate, but friendships definitely do metamorphise, change and grow as people go their own ways and follow different paths. I find it really sad to think that most of my friendships are irrevocably changed now by circumstances (mainly the fact that I'm not getting wrecked every weekend) but the ones that survive these changes - both personal and changes in circumstance - are the really important ones. To coin a really cheesy platitude. Friendship is a tough nut to crack, literally, but it undoubtedly changes. You need different things from friendship as you grow up, I've started to think, and that's why some friends drift away... and you become closer to people you never thought you had a whole lot in common with. Or something like that.

Anyway, I hear what you're saying, I'm sure LOADS of other people feel/have felt/will feel this way too. I don't want to patronise you by saying it's normal and something everyday... but I think it is. It's hard to accept, I guess. I wondered when I was younger why my parents only had a few really good friends between them; I'm starting to understand it.

Of course some people go through life maintaining a huge social group... and it tends to, er, grow rather than decline during Uni life. Fear not!

Former Member

No it's cool, I hear you. Thanks.
I know that everyone goes through this and that there's nothing I can do about it, I'm also sure that I'll meet loads of great new people whilst travelling and at Uni.
I'm just finding it really hard knowing I have a countdown until pretty much everything in my life changes forever.

Former Member

Look at it as a countdown to travelling, mate, not a countdown to the end of things as they are. Obviously it's both, but sometimes you need the rose-tinted specs. You are going to have the time of your life travelling... I'll be surprised if you make it to Uni in September

It's definitely hard knowing there's a specific time frame for things changing though, I suppose for a lot of people the changes and shifts in circumstance and friendship are gradual and they don't even notice until they wake up one day and everything is completely at odds with the way it was. That's probably easier, kind of. Way it goes, anyway...

Former Member

briggi wrote: »

Look at it as a countdown to travelling, mate, not a countdown to the end of things as they are.

Lol Yeah I know, that's the way I'm trying to look at it. I've been getting so excited about travelling and counting down the days until I leave, until now. It's only just kicked in, I think because of an emotional and in-depth conversation I had with my mate whilst we were on MDMA the other night. lol :rolleyes: Cheers drugs...

I found it kind of hard when all my mates who I've known since I was like 4 went straight to Uni, but I've kind of come to terms with the fact that I still get to see them when they come back for holidays. It's just my mate who's going travelling for a year, he's been like my rock recently and it just really sucks. Hmmm.

Former Member

Drugs! That explains it

You'll stay mates. Maybe you'll have to work at it. Doubtless things will be different but that's no bad thing... he'll change a bit, you'll change a bit, the friendship will change a bit. Then you'll get loaded and it'll be just like old times...

Former Member

briggi wrote: »

Drugs! That explains it

You'll stay mates. Maybe you'll have to work at it. Doubtless things will be different but that's no bad thing... he'll change a bit, you'll change a bit, the friendship will change a bit. Then you'll get loaded and it'll be just like old times...

Haha yeah, I think we're both on a really long, mentally depressing comedown. We've even decided to quit the hard drugs for the rest of the year to try and save some money e.t.c.

I hope so, thanks alot you've made me feel alot better.

Former Member

Things do change as you grow up and move away, but true friends will stay friends for life, and it will feel the same when you meet.

I don't see my best friend very often as she has 2 children and works night shifts, but when I do, it's not any different.

Other friends, you come to realise, were just friends for a certain stage of your life, eg. college, and neither of you will make the effort to stay in touch. That can be sad but sometimes friends are just there to share a certain time of your life and once that's gone, it's over.

You'll make new friends when you travel and when you go to uni, plus still have your old mates to go and visit and see when you go back home. You can never have too many friends.

And it's great keeping friends who you've known for years and years and who remember you being a gawky teenager and all those moments and things you did together.

It's kind of bittersweet but try to embrace the changes.

Former Member

you'll come to deal with it mate, obviously at the time you think these people mean the world but you come to realise its not all there is out there.

i have no contact with the people who i classed as my mates during college or my Uni years, but however am still best buddies with the people i grew up with, went through school with, went out drinking with etc..

i still see them when i can and its as good as ever.

looking back tho, you'd see me with my college buds all the time, but i guess that was just for ease.

if you want to stay friends you'll make a way, trust me.

good friends are forever.

P.S. you are a complete bastard for getting to go travelling, i hate you. (not really)

Former Member

Aah you might see him couldn't you meet up for a drink and that ? I see what you mean though it probably wouldn't be the same.

I think friends are suited to the life you're leading at the time. So when you go travelling (lucky sod!!) you'll meet travelling best friends who you'll probably keep in contact with either for a few months after when you get back or for a long time and go travelling with them again.
When you're at Uni that's supposedly the time when you meet your life long friends.
But you'll always still have your mates back home as long as you still have their numbers whenever you come back you can give them a text or something.

Former Member

I empathize with you...although the 'best mates' I had back home, I miss, yet I'm the one making all the effort and these girls just aren't bothering.

My had been bottling up how I felt, and I know we've all got our own lives now and that they're busy, but it doesn't take 5 mins at the end of the week to reply to a simple text or an email I sent, does it?

I don't have anyone I'm close to here, I cannot relate to anyone. It's horrid.

If you fancy a chat, just send a PM

Former Member

Yeah takes abit of getting used to mate. Friends come and go, i havent seen alot of people i thought were good mates at school for a good year or so now. But my close, best mates are all over the country at different uni's and we still stay in touch and even after months being away at uni, when we meet over holidays its like we havent been away at all.

Like Koe said, your best mates stay with you forever. Look forward to your travels, unlike me you actually managed to sort it out over your gap year, lucky bastard You'll love it

Former Member

Yeh, drifted a part with a few of my good mates but it's all part and parcel of growing up.

I'm lucky enough to have all my closest friends back home so I see them every weekend.