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Relationships thousands of miles apart
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok so I just wanted to ask what people thought about my situation and potentially future situation, sorry for the length. Here we go;
I'm at uni, and now in my final year. Next year I'm either looking at getting into a theatre school close to me, else taking a year out to earn some money. Before I left for America over the summer I met someone on my course and we started seeing each other over the course of 6 months and it got pretty intense for the last 2 months. He's an American whose now finished his time at my uni and has gone back to his part of the world. I didn't originally want to engage in this relationship because it had an expiry date, but it was so...fantastic in the end. It really stung to go away for the summer (though I had an amazing summer away) and not come back to him, but we decided to give it a shot. He's 26 and has been married, and I'm 20. Having taken an MA here, he now can work here for a year in the UK so we thought maybe there's a way we can make it work.
So a week in after I've left the country, after emailing essays everyday saying how I was his world, how he was completely destroyed without me...he breaks up with me with an email. Now I'm at camp, 5000 miles from home with strangers finding my feet and he does this. Well it hurt a lot but I was mainly angry with him for letting me down. But head up, nothing I could do and maybe I'll never see him again. So just under 2 months later, he's seeing someone from his home. She flies to England, spends a week together than fly back to America where they officially announce they're a couple.
I come back from America at the start of September, having met a nice guy at camp where a few transpired between, who I found out has a longterm girlfriend :grump: and he's talking to me again. So for the next couple months it's back to I love you, I'm destraught without you, you're the one (!) etc...and I'm there hurting and missing him like crazy. So last week he breaks up with this girl apparently after telling her everything about how he feels about me. He's visiting in January for his graduation and I'm all...confused.
Basically I feel at a pivotal point in my life. I've stayed single since he and I split and am excited to see him as I do love him, but I don't know if this is a lost cause. He's a 10hr flight away. I want to go to a theatre school and want to go into the acting profession as does he, but he also is a very intense person. He gets carried away with how he feels till he's trying to get me to go to America to be educated, throwing in ideas about him moving near me, building a life together. To be honest, I think he's depressed a bit, just because his comments sometimes mirror the things I used to say to an ex when I was depressed and his life isn't great at the moment. Saying I'm the reason he exists, that he will never love anyone like he loves me, that if I would be happier with someone else then he could live knowing I was happy but would feel empty without me, but if that's for the best it's ok for me to let go...but he loves me more than any one else could.
I don't know, I'm sorry for the long post. I suppose I feel like with all decisions I have to make this one is too big, this one I can't rationally say yes to. Somedays I feel like he is the man I will marry, then I consider how young I am and how I haven't met any of the people in my future yet and they could make more sense. They won't live thousands of miles away, we wouldn't have to make sacrifices to be together. I'm also close to my family, who dislike this guy as you can imagine. I also consider everything thats happened. The guy I met at camp lives where I'm hoping to audition, by coincidence just cause he lives in a big city. It makes me feel like the next segment of my life could mean I met someone amazing again - I don't want to regret the things I never did when I am old, I am rational and feel sometimes love is not enough.
Can anyone suggest anything?
I'm at uni, and now in my final year. Next year I'm either looking at getting into a theatre school close to me, else taking a year out to earn some money. Before I left for America over the summer I met someone on my course and we started seeing each other over the course of 6 months and it got pretty intense for the last 2 months. He's an American whose now finished his time at my uni and has gone back to his part of the world. I didn't originally want to engage in this relationship because it had an expiry date, but it was so...fantastic in the end. It really stung to go away for the summer (though I had an amazing summer away) and not come back to him, but we decided to give it a shot. He's 26 and has been married, and I'm 20. Having taken an MA here, he now can work here for a year in the UK so we thought maybe there's a way we can make it work.
So a week in after I've left the country, after emailing essays everyday saying how I was his world, how he was completely destroyed without me...he breaks up with me with an email. Now I'm at camp, 5000 miles from home with strangers finding my feet and he does this. Well it hurt a lot but I was mainly angry with him for letting me down. But head up, nothing I could do and maybe I'll never see him again. So just under 2 months later, he's seeing someone from his home. She flies to England, spends a week together than fly back to America where they officially announce they're a couple.
I come back from America at the start of September, having met a nice guy at camp where a few transpired between, who I found out has a longterm girlfriend :grump: and he's talking to me again. So for the next couple months it's back to I love you, I'm destraught without you, you're the one (!) etc...and I'm there hurting and missing him like crazy. So last week he breaks up with this girl apparently after telling her everything about how he feels about me. He's visiting in January for his graduation and I'm all...confused.
Basically I feel at a pivotal point in my life. I've stayed single since he and I split and am excited to see him as I do love him, but I don't know if this is a lost cause. He's a 10hr flight away. I want to go to a theatre school and want to go into the acting profession as does he, but he also is a very intense person. He gets carried away with how he feels till he's trying to get me to go to America to be educated, throwing in ideas about him moving near me, building a life together. To be honest, I think he's depressed a bit, just because his comments sometimes mirror the things I used to say to an ex when I was depressed and his life isn't great at the moment. Saying I'm the reason he exists, that he will never love anyone like he loves me, that if I would be happier with someone else then he could live knowing I was happy but would feel empty without me, but if that's for the best it's ok for me to let go...but he loves me more than any one else could.
I don't know, I'm sorry for the long post. I suppose I feel like with all decisions I have to make this one is too big, this one I can't rationally say yes to. Somedays I feel like he is the man I will marry, then I consider how young I am and how I haven't met any of the people in my future yet and they could make more sense. They won't live thousands of miles away, we wouldn't have to make sacrifices to be together. I'm also close to my family, who dislike this guy as you can imagine. I also consider everything thats happened. The guy I met at camp lives where I'm hoping to audition, by coincidence just cause he lives in a big city. It makes me feel like the next segment of my life could mean I met someone amazing again - I don't want to regret the things I never did when I am old, I am rational and feel sometimes love is not enough.
Can anyone suggest anything?
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Comments
Don't bother with him. I've read what you've said on LiveJournal about this over the last few weeks, and I pretty much think you're onto a loser here. As you know full well, I think you're an absolutely bloody stunning woman. You could get the attention of almost any bloke. And just about all of them would be proud to call you his girlfriend. There's a man out there who'll absolutely love you. But I don't think this is that guy. Sorry.
I really think you should stay well clear.
Hey malteser monkay, it sounds like you have a very strong head on your shoulders and have thought about this very carefully.
If this last paragraph that I've quoted relates to your gut feelings about this situation then often these are the feelings to follow. It sounds like the two of you had an amazing and intense romance, but I tend to believe that relationships like this will happen against all odds and you shouldn't actually have to make serious sacrifices in your own life. Only you can really know what feels right for you - but I'm sure the words of your friends on TheSite will help you see things in perspective.
Hope it's helped to get all your feelings down! Take care and best of luck
Yes I have intervened with a 'he meant for you to forward it to me' but needless to say I was pretty pissed off. He said he wanted to put everything right do good by me, but I just can't believe he overlooked me. I can't believe he did this. I am a pretty private person and my family relationship is close in the sense I get on with my mum but I don't share personal details. That is my business, so I feel pretty...pissed of with him. He wasn't even going to tell me. How mortified would I be...
Thank you again everyone, I need to think things through still but thank you, for the most part of know what makes sense it's just following through when I'm emotionally attached.