mixed up emotions...what to do??

Former Member

So i just started my first semester in grad school, and i was hoping to meet someone when i moved away but i have realized that isn't an option unless i get my exboyfriend out of my mind. see, i dated this guy senior year of high school until i went away to college and then the distance just made it too hard to keep seeing each other. we stayed friends, and this last summer were together all the time, but nothing developed because we knew we would both be leaving again. now that i am away from home and away from him, i can't get him out of my mind. we are far apart, yet we talk online at least a few times a week, and i get butterflies like a high school girl whenever i have messages from him. i have no idea whether he thinks we are just good friends (i always have stayed friends with most guys i date) or if he would ever want anything more. i have dated guys since him, but nobody compares. i have had feelings for him for the last 3 years and haven't been able to tell him because i'm afraid i will lose the friendship we have built up since we broke up. that might sound weird that we are such close friends now, but we are just two compatable people. i know that was kind of a long explanation, but i guess i just need to bounce my feelings off other people. if you were in my situation, would you tell him and possibly make things awkward? is it worth showing my feelings towards him when we will be so far apart for at least the next two years except on holidays when we both go home? i just don't know whether i should be happy to have him as a friend at all, whether i should just face the fact that i need to move on, or whether i should test my luck and see if he still has feelings for me too...

any ideas?

Former Member

i broke up with my gf about 2-3 months ago and it took my a while to get over her, I still think about her a bit but only as a friend.

Its normal really to still think about your exs! just go out and meet new people, if you still have feelings for your ex try talking to them!

Good luck whatever you do!:thumb:

Former Member

i've been in a simillar situation with my first G/F we didnt split up cos the love was gone just for other reasons, we were compatible but not if that makes sense, we are still good friends and i'd lie if i said i dont ever think on her in that way, but it just wouldnt work out ,

for you however te problem is just distance, i certainly think that you should just remain friends until your both done with college, its the reason you broke up so until its gone its unlikely that there will be any solution, if you try it again and it doesnt work out it may damage any chance of you guys getting together when things are more appropriate, i know its hard but keep your chin up

Elena

Hi chic2203 :wave:

First of all, welcome to TheSite.org discussion boards! I hope we can help.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling a bit confused at the moment. It’s always difficult when a relationship ends and I understand why you are feeling a bit low, but I think it’s really important that you focus on the positives. You have found someone you really get on with who obviously really enjoys your company. It’s really special that you have managed to maintain a really close friendship with this person despite the distance and your history together. The fact that you have managed to remain friends under the circumstances shows how strong a bond you have and that’s great! :yes:

The most important thing for you at the moment is enjoying your time at college so, if you can, you should try and focus on this. Enjoy each others’ company when you are together, but try not to complicate things at the moment. Enjoy your friendship and, if things develop later down the line when you’ve finished college and have more time to focus on a relationship, that’d be great. Until then, just enjoy yourself!

We have some articles on TheSite.org that you might find useful in the meantime. Our article on long distance relationships might help you think through the issues you might face if you were to go down that route, and our info on meeting new people could help you boost your social life at college

I hope that’s helped.

Good luck!

S x

Former Member

I think if you really have feelings for the guy you should tell him, afterall distance shouldnt keep you apart if you really want to be together, one of my best friends only sees her boyfriend in the holidays from uni as they live so far apart at the moment, but what youve got to consider is whether you would rather be with him just on the few occasions youd be able to see him or have someone else all the time, i dont know if that makes any sense. But even if you are in a long distance relationship it shouldnt intefere with your studies any more than any other relationship would, infact i find being in a long distance relationship makes it easier to study cos theres no one there to distract you.
Personally i think if you like him and you dont tell him you could regret it in years to come when hes with someone else and youve missed the opportunity....