WTF? Family break up...

Former Member

So it's finally happened.

My mum is going to get a divorce from my stepfather... I found out he's basically fucking lied to her and is in a shitload of debt.

Thing is, my Mum isn't on great wages and won't be able to live and pay the mortgage, I have no idea how she'll be able to live. It's bizarre, she's talking about maybe moving back down south to be closer to her family too...

Thing is, there's no way on her wages she can afford a 3 bed, I don't expect her to get an extra room 'in case' I decide I want to move back, that's more money for her... I doubt she could afford it.

But at the same time, I feel like... Well I don't know how I feel.

As much as I hate the place, I have a lot of close friends back home who I will have to move away from. And you know... There goes the whole childhood thing that so many of us desperately cling to.

I am so glad she's spreading her wings... But I don't know how to feel, is that weird?

1. What will happen to my stepdad? As much as I never felt close to him, he's been around for ten years and is part of the furniture.
2. It'll be so bizarre that in maybe a year or two I won't live in the same place I've always lived...
3. Wow... I actually have to be an adult?
4. I plan on staying down south, having my Mum moving here (and I know she will) will just be strange... I mean I'll potentially actually see and maybe even build relationships with that side of the family. That is SCARY.
5. I just feel... Lost.

You know that feeling that you get as a kid when you're told your parents are splitting? I mean the whole "what the hell is going on???" feeling and that heaviness in your head and that confusion...

I mean I don't know what to say. I knew it would happen, I want my Mum to be happy... But I just feel shocked and scared.

Is this natural? Or self-obsessed?

Former Member

I think it's natural that you are feeling overwhelmed and lost, it's a lot to take in especially when the thing that you have taken for granted in terms of security and solidity change suddenly.

Might be nice having your mum live nearer to you though

Former Member

The same this is happening to my boyfriend, his mum is finally leaving his stepdad who is a lazy arse and has gotten himself into loads of debt for the second time. She's been seeing another guy and is basically going to up and leave and move in with him, then go back and ask for a divorce. Baring in mind she'll have to leave her son behind. I don't really know how he feels about it, he doesnt really like to talk about it but he said he wants to be there when she explains all.
When my parents split up it was a kinda 'wtf, my life will never be the same again' You gradually get used to it, chances are you have friends who have gone through the same thing.
Just tell your mum to look after herself and not worry about you. It's probably better to wait and see things pan out first as it's always too early to be sure of anything.

Former Member

Ballerina wrote: »

The same this is happening to my boyfriend, his mum is finally leaving his stepdad who is a lazy arse and has gotten himself into loads of debt for the second time. She's been seeing another guy and is basically going to up and leave and move in with him, then go back and ask for a divorce. Baring in mind she'll have to leave her son behind. I don't really know how he feels about it, he doesnt really like to talk about it but he said he wants to be there when she explains all.
When my parents split up it was a kinda 'wtf, my life will never be the same again' You gradually get used to it, chances are you have friends who have gone through the same thing.
Just tell your mum to look after herself and not worry about you. It's probably better to wait and see things pan out first as it's always too early to be sure of anything.

Yeah, I went through the whole divorce when I was 10... it's just weird that I'm 23 and it's happening again.

Former Member

I don't think you're self obsessed at all. It is probably quite a shock but it sounds like your mum is prepared for the big change which sounds like a relief.

Former Member

clementine_the_tangerine wrote: »

I don't think you're self obsessed at all. It is probably quite a shock but it sounds like your mum is prepared for the big change which sounds like a relief.

Yeah... Stepdad was lying to us all the time... Twat.

Former Member

Hi there, i am sorry you have to go through this again, here is an article about dealing with divorce that explores different emotions you might be feeling. Hope this helps.

Former Member

I have an idea how you feel - When my dad sold the familly home I really felt like I was drifting - even though I'd lost my room to my little brother several years before

Former Member

You might have seen from a thread I posted a while back, my mum and stepdad also look like they're on the rocks...he's been having an affair for the past 6 months and while Mum seems keen to sort things out divorce could still be on the cards...

You're not selfish at all for how you feel. I'm 26 and am still struggling to accept it. I think it makes it worse in some ways being an adult when these things happen as you're able to see more clearly what's going on and have to address the issues whereas when you're a kid a lot of it's taken care of without you needing to really be involved if that makes sense. Just be there for your mum as much as you can and lean on your friends and other family members for your own support. It will get easier with time, as things settle down and you adjust to it all.