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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've posted a bit about my break up recently (see my previous threads), sorry to keep going on about it but I'm still a bit unsure what to do....
About a month ago we agreed we shouldn't speak any more. It was the only thing we could do really, she's depressed about a lot of things, and I was finding it too hard to stay in touch because of still having feelings for her. I still wonder how it might have been if not for her other problems getting in the way. That conversation she sounded the most down I'd ever heard her, saying she couldn't see the point of anything any more, was feeling suicidal, didn't see the point of trying CBT (which had originally been her idea), and so on.
So we didn't talk for three weeks, and then I bumped into her a week ago when I was back at my college for my graduation. I asked how she was, to which she initially replied that even though our last conversation had been a bit dark, she wasn't really that depressed and everything was ok really. I was surprised by this and said that that actually made me feel quite angry, because if her problems aren't really that serious then she has less of an excuse for some of her behaviour. When I said this she said that actually things were still bad, she had just said that because she didn't want me to worry about her, but that she was feeling very down and lonely, and she mentioned suicidal again too. We then had a quick drink together, having agreed not to talk about anything too serious, we just had a good chat and a catch-up, and then I left before I got too drunk.
So I'm a bit worried about her saying she's feeling suicidal. I don't get the impression that she's actually going to do it but you never know. There were positive parts of the last conversation, for example she said she's trying to start over with a clean slate. I know she's also looking forward to a holiday at Christmas with her mum. But I'm still worried that she's mentioned suicide to me twice now, and obviously it would be so awful if something did happen. I don't know if she's talked to anyone else about it, she feels that she hasn't got many friends around her at the moment, and she doesn't have much family.
From my point of view it's hard, because I still have feelings for her. I still wonder if us breaking up wasn't really an effect of her other stuff. She said she wonders too, but that she can't contemplate it right now. Clearly it's best for both of us that we're not together right now, but I'm worried about her. But it's hard for me to separate my worries about her from my feelings about the relationship. I don't know what's best to do. I know that she needs to be on her own in order to sort herself out, but if she were actually to do something silly while going through that then it would be terrible. At the same time, my hunch would be that I don't think she's actually going to do it, and I shouldn't use it as an excuse to get in touch again just because I miss her. At least, having bumped into her and talked I know we can get on if we do see each other. I kind of feel like I want to keep in touch with her on an occasional basis so that I can both keep half an eye on her (even though I know I should let go of that because it's not my responsibility) and also so that she doesn't forget about me completely, because I still harbour some hopes about starting over again some time (also probably unwise).
Sorry to go on about this, and that I'm not more concise about it all, it's just confusing. Any advice?
About a month ago we agreed we shouldn't speak any more. It was the only thing we could do really, she's depressed about a lot of things, and I was finding it too hard to stay in touch because of still having feelings for her. I still wonder how it might have been if not for her other problems getting in the way. That conversation she sounded the most down I'd ever heard her, saying she couldn't see the point of anything any more, was feeling suicidal, didn't see the point of trying CBT (which had originally been her idea), and so on.
So we didn't talk for three weeks, and then I bumped into her a week ago when I was back at my college for my graduation. I asked how she was, to which she initially replied that even though our last conversation had been a bit dark, she wasn't really that depressed and everything was ok really. I was surprised by this and said that that actually made me feel quite angry, because if her problems aren't really that serious then she has less of an excuse for some of her behaviour. When I said this she said that actually things were still bad, she had just said that because she didn't want me to worry about her, but that she was feeling very down and lonely, and she mentioned suicidal again too. We then had a quick drink together, having agreed not to talk about anything too serious, we just had a good chat and a catch-up, and then I left before I got too drunk.
So I'm a bit worried about her saying she's feeling suicidal. I don't get the impression that she's actually going to do it but you never know. There were positive parts of the last conversation, for example she said she's trying to start over with a clean slate. I know she's also looking forward to a holiday at Christmas with her mum. But I'm still worried that she's mentioned suicide to me twice now, and obviously it would be so awful if something did happen. I don't know if she's talked to anyone else about it, she feels that she hasn't got many friends around her at the moment, and she doesn't have much family.
From my point of view it's hard, because I still have feelings for her. I still wonder if us breaking up wasn't really an effect of her other stuff. She said she wonders too, but that she can't contemplate it right now. Clearly it's best for both of us that we're not together right now, but I'm worried about her. But it's hard for me to separate my worries about her from my feelings about the relationship. I don't know what's best to do. I know that she needs to be on her own in order to sort herself out, but if she were actually to do something silly while going through that then it would be terrible. At the same time, my hunch would be that I don't think she's actually going to do it, and I shouldn't use it as an excuse to get in touch again just because I miss her. At least, having bumped into her and talked I know we can get on if we do see each other. I kind of feel like I want to keep in touch with her on an occasional basis so that I can both keep half an eye on her (even though I know I should let go of that because it's not my responsibility) and also so that she doesn't forget about me completely, because I still harbour some hopes about starting over again some time (also probably unwise).
Sorry to go on about this, and that I'm not more concise about it all, it's just confusing. Any advice?
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