Getting Back Together

Former Member

Does anyone have any experience in getting back together with an ex?

Basically, she dumped me over a year ago after our 6-month relationship between January and July last year. She did the deed by text, which I think is awful. We didn't speak for several months after that, and I think I got over her more-or-less completely. In the months after that, we met up again occasionally and several times one thing led to another and we ended up having sex again and behaving like a couple, holding hands in public and stuff. Recently she's told me that she still has very strong feelings for me (she never got over me) and wants to get back together. My feelings have come back too, although I don't think I could say i'm in love with her again.


One major problem is that she lives 5/6 hours away from me (i'm not at uni anymore, but she lives up there). She's at uni but i'm a graduate, on a gap year at the moment. I'm going travelling for several months in February. Then I might do a masters/get a job. I don't really see myself moving up there or anything in the forseeable future.

I need to give her a concrete answer but i'm so unsure. On one hand I have really strong feelings for her but on the other hand it's gonna be so hard to keep a (permanently) long distance relationship going. It was also her who dumped me so it seems like a bit of a weak move on my part to get back together on her wishes. She text me last night saying "I love you xxx" - the first time she's said this since we were together.

Any advice anyone?

Former Member

I think that if you did get over her in the past then you should know now that your feelings aren't cluttered by past memories. So if you do go for her you aren't doing so because you are pining for her.
In my opinion if you feel strongly for her then you should go for her, it sounds like you are almost in a relationship so you will have to deal with not seeing her regardless of if you date her or not.

GOOD LUCK!

**helen**

Hey there,
This must be tough for you since she is the one who ended it the first time round so it's hard to say "try and remember why you broke up in the first place." But one thing to say is - you have got over her and moved on and your in a position to meet lots of cool new people - maybe this is just a source of potential stress you don't need?

While only you can decide what the best move is, one thing you probably do need to do is get her to open up about why she's had this change of heart. For instance, has she been treated badly by other men and is suddenly worried she won't meet anyone as nice as you again? While I don't doubt she's into you, what you need to find out is whether or not she is clear on exactly why she would want to get back with you. If her response is wishy washy and it comes out that she's just feeling lonely then it will be easier for you to make your decision. On the other hand, breaking up with you may have just been a really big mistake for her and again, knowing either way will make it easier for you to make the decision.

If you do decide to give it a go, you may find our article on long distance relationships helpful.

Take care and I hope things work out for the best

Former Member

I'd stay well away, obviously don't know the full situation but that text saying she loves you I doubt she meant it, shes just trying to get you back and using the L word to do that!! She finished you, let her deal with that, you go off and continue your life like you planned, do your travelling and your masters etc. and don't let a girl that didn't want you before to change all that!

My two penneth!!

Former Member

Hmm yeah, it did strike me as a bit strange that she sent the "L word" text. She does say that she thinks she made a mistake in dumping me. I also think she is a bit insecure, because I came back to my phone yesterday after not checking it all afternoon and found 4 texts from her saying things like she doesn't want me to forget her, she didn't mean to upset me, am I not speaking to her now etc.

I came really close to saying we could give it another go but I chickened out, still not sure! Damn my indecisiveness :rolleyes: