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Spice it up with Arguing?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, so i have been single for a while now and thinking about it, i just wondered, and this is more for the girls then the guys, but, do Girls cause arguments on purpose, get stroppy over nothing, just to "Spice Things Up."
Because my Ex told me, she had to cause arguments with me over nothing because i didnt argue and was always "nice". And i have had a fair few mates with girlfriends who are like this too. Is it a typical thing or is it rare?
Because my Ex told me, she had to cause arguments with me over nothing because i didnt argue and was always "nice". And i have had a fair few mates with girlfriends who are like this too. Is it a typical thing or is it rare?
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So it isn't that arguements are fun or something nice, it's just that it might be a chance for someone to hear something that they suspect someone is feeling but is unwilling to vocalise it.
Our advance on communicating as a couple might be something you would find interesting.
A good argument can be good once in a while to get the blood pumping, but I would never wish fo, create or instigate an argument for that purpose. It's a bit... strange, to me.
Arguing for the sake of making a relationship exciting seems a bit redundant to me. If it's dull (or becoming dull) you'd be better served trying to work out why, or even finding someone exciting to have a genuinely exciting relationship with, rather than having a fake-exciting relationship all because you stir up some unnecessary conflict when the mood strikes. Weird, if you ask me...
I agree, i never saw the point in arguing when a simple discussion of any problems would suffice. But some how my Ex always managed to cause one, making out it was me who started it at the time, then admitting she caused it on purpose. And my best mate was telling me today his girlfriend does the same, which is what got me thinking about this. I have only had few serious girlfriends and the last couple wer eboth very similar in this way so i just wondered. Frankly i didnt understand the need for it.
(I mean in relationships not friendships)
Then there are the people who crave drama and who will never be happy with a peaceful life. Even the natural bumps in the road and little disagreements aren't enough... c'mon, haven't you ever heard them screaming at each other in the ASDA carpark? If that's an exciting, spicy relationship then I'd sooner take a bland one I think
The change in personality might not be anything to do with the fact you've scared them once you've got 'a little bit more firm'? And why does it need to always be sexual? There is far more to a relationship than sex, why do you need to degrade women into some sort of sexualised object that needs to be put in her place, that you won't take any of her shit, and that you're going to lay down the law if she doesn't take notice of what you want? But after all, that's what she wants, isn't it?
To be fair, I don't know you from Adam, thus I wouldn't normally say this, but based on what you've written, you're an arse, and your blind following of a prevailing male ideology based on fear and intimidation makes me sick.
lol you serious?
When you're with the right person and are happy and in love the last thing you want to have is any sort of friction/arguments! If you think you need 'make-up sex' for things to be good then you're sex life isn't good enough to start with.
think he's trying to say girls only argue because they're horny and want putting in their place with a shag. but don't get confused with the other type of girls who are actually psychos/bunny boilers.
I'd meet up with her and we'd be having the best day ever and then suddenly she'd pick an argument over nothing, and it would get really serious. She even 'broke up' with me for a few hours on many occaisions. It's like she found it funny and then she'd always make sure we made up before I went home.
Bitch.
see to me that just seems like you weren't right for each other. Not that she was a bitch!
There needs to be a common ground. No-one should wear the trousers so to speak, or be the 'sole' driving force in a relationship. Decisions need to be made mutually and in agreement with each other. Sounds simple, often not though. 'Some' people need urgent sense of direction, consequently I think its mostly down to lack of communication. If theres a lack of that, it can get a bit irritating, and arguments are sure to follow over the silliest of things OR your obviously just not right for one another. You need to be suggestive, communicate, and both take the relationship forward.
Lol Trust me, she was. You don't know the rest of what she did, not just to me but her parents and other people.
She had some sort of problem I think, so maybe it wasn't her fault. She was on brat camp...
oh
You know how to pick them don't ya!
Dont hate the player hate the game!
i do it all the time because my boyfriend lets me win and get my own way with everything so i entice him into an argument.
Do it everytime I'm drunk too... god im an awful person
Never before this moment have i felt we had much in common... but now i know we do!!!:thumb:
You sound like my ex...
Course, everyone has a point here, communication is key, except in the situations when you do try communicating they just talk over you and say you don't listen to them and hear what you want to hear, JUST because you disagree with them. That was my ex, if i disagreed then i "wasn't Listening" and if i pointed out something she clearly had just said then i was "remembering things how i wanted to and not how they actually were". So communication isnt always the problem because the other person has no sense of even trying to communicate.
Being a miss-match i think is more likely the cause of these things. Though in my ex's case she seems to have found and jumped into bed with a guy she believes is perfect for her, yet tells our mutual friends she is "being a girl" because she is getting pissed off over nothing looking for an argument. Same as she did with me. It just is weird. I don't know any guys who are like this though...?
To the OP (to get back on track), I don't think women intentionally cause arguments just to spice things up, at least not with any regularity. If a woman feels like she has to do that, then there's probably a fundamental problem with the relationship anyway, maybe that it's not exciting or as passionate as she wishes it could be. The only way to figure it out is the next time you're in a relationship is to see how you act as time goes on. It can be difficult to maintain passion in a relationship, but perhaps the reason your girlfriends 'get stroppy' etc is because they feel like they can't directly tell you that they're unhappy and want things to change. You have to make them comfortable from the get go and say 'you know what, if you're unhappy for whatever reason, tell me and we'll change it'. Keeping the lines of communication open is key, but plastering over the cracks and trying to make something lighthearted out of it won't help you in the long-run, despite advice to the contrary.
To be fair, this is a massive inference you're making. There is nothing in the OPs original post that suggests this is what's going on. You're reading far too much between the lines and adding your own interpretation.
[quote[Tell her off in a rude and playful manner. When i talked about tests, this is what women do, when they feel as you say "it's not exciting or as passionate" then a girl will do these things and get in a strop. I like to treat it like a "test", because in a sense that's what it is, a way for her to see if you're really going to end her strop or annoy her by trying to appease her.[/quote]
This is my point, you shouldn't have to tell her off. That's immature, patronising, and down right disrespectful. I've no idea what age you are, or the age of the women you're dating, but it seems like the women you've been have no idea how to actually talk to you about what's going on in their head, and are more willing to play mind games than communicate.
QFT.
Ockam's razor seems appropriate here. What's more likely, that a woman is in a strop because she's unhappy, or that somehow she's attempting to get a rise out of her boyfriend because all girls love drama, and the best way to deal with this is to 'treat them playfully and make it something sexual'?
And you're buying into the whole, 'treat them mean, keep them keen' ideology, which is sexist, damaging, and counterproductive.
Again, you're making assumptions based on *very* little information.
So in essence what you're saying is that in order to satisfy a woman there is a particular configuration of masculine traits that have to be adopted in order to do so?
Tbh, you're so set in your ways that you probably can't see what's wrong with how you approach women, sex, respect, masculinity and so forth, so I'm probably wasting my time typing this out, but oh well.
Anyway, to the OP's original question of 'do girls cause arguments on purpose, get stroppy over nothing, just to "Spice Things Up."'
In my experience, no.
thats whats its all about. Experience.
I've never been in a relationship where I've felt I've had to start arguments to spice things up because he was too nice, despite the fact that I've been in relationships where he was very nice and didn't argue with me
However, sometimes (in all relationships) I am grumpy, pretty much always due to hormones, those days where I completely got out of bed on the wrong side, and then I am a teensy bit argumentative, but that isn't to spice up my relationship, that's just because I'm in a bad mood, and anything anyone says is wrong.
I am with Jim as well. It may be the only way that some women (and men!) can feel like they can bring up an issue in the relationship.
To be fair though, you did say she could just be a 'freak', so I'll give you that.
What? Good for you, I'm so glad YOU'RE having good experiences from women, but you're assuming that your experiences will port over to every man in the land, as well as every woman. I'm saying that's not the case. Everything you've said is based on suppositions and assumptions. You're inferring loads from what the poster has written. What I mean is that you're drawing conclusions (that she's just horny, that all women love drama, that putting her in her place is what she wants etc etc) from VERY LITTLE EVIDENCE. Your advice (contrary to your thinking) doesn't give the OP any possibility of getting to the root of what's going on in his relationship. You're advocating behaviour modification when his behaviour might not be the problem, it might be the fact that the women he's been with don't know how to communicate, and think that playing mind games is a decent strategy in a relationship. You're playing right into the hands of that kind of thinking by suggesting that instead of getting to the root of what's going on in his relationship that he should just trivialise what his girlfriend is doing and shrug it all of. Rather than manning up and him asking his girlfriend 'listen, why are you being a bitch? Am I too nice to you or something, and are you trying to get a rise out of me?' No, you're suggesting that he takes that as said and acts like an arse, treat it sexual, trivialise it, slap her on the arse and 'get on with loving her'. What I'm saying is that UNLESS he gets to the bottom of what's going on in his relationships this kind of thing is going to continue, and glossing over the cracks by trying to play it off as some kind of immature bullshit all women do isn't going to help him get to the root of why this is going on.
I don't know why I bother arguing with people in this place. It's like trying to eat soup with a fork: frustrating and impossible :banghead: