For all you mums and dads

Former Member

:wave:

I'm just doing a bit of research as I'm helping a charity called Tommy's write a guide to teenage pregnancy. There's going to be a chapter on dads and how to help them feel involved/included/excited in the pregnancy.

I was hoping that anyone here that's had/having a baby could have a think about the pregnancy time and how you/your partner was feeling.

Men: Were there any particular concerns you had? Did your partners help you feel involved or could they have done more? What about when you went for appointments etc?

Ladies: Did you do anything special to involve your men? Were you worried about them feeling left out at all? Can you remember anything that they were concerned about?

Be great to hear what you think...

Former Member

I am not a Mum (yet ) but I just wanted to say that Tommy's is a wonderful charity... The company I work for do quite a bit of work with them and I think what they do is fantastic!

**helen**

*bump*

Former Member

spanner wrote: »

Men: Were there any particular concerns you had?

Dear God yes. Do you want a list?

Is the baby okay
is my wife okay
is all progressing well
what do I do if... (huge list here including baby comes early, short labour, long labour...)
what route should I use
what if baby comes while I am at work...
what imapct on my life (first child)

Did your partners help you feel involved or could they have done more? What about when you went for appointments etc?

For me the two go together. I was involved right from the start. As many appointments and scans as I could get time off for. It also helped that I mentioned it to work friends as well as close personal friends. They kept asking and so I made sure I was up-to-date with everything...

Indrid Cold

Unless I misuderstood what they're looking for, MoK, you're just a little bit out of their target age range

Former Member

I usually am

Former Member

[QUOTE=spanner;2062255
Ladies: Did you do anything special to involve your men? Were you worried about them feeling left out at all? Can you remember anything that they were concerned about?

[/QUOTE]

Im 19, and 28 weeks pregnant.

My boyfriend involved himself, he wants to be involved, he cant wait to be a dad so its not like I make him do things, but we talk about the baby, he feels my belly at night and he can feel her kick, he also talks to her aswell he comes with me to scans, and he will be coming with me to the antinatal classes. We both go shopping for baby things e.g. we both chose the pushchair, cot and even the clothes! He's decorating her room - wallpapering and painting it, so thats his job, and only he can do it so I think that makes him feel included.

Im a little worried about him feeling left out when I've just had her, cos the midwives seem to just want to encourage bonding with mum and baby, like skin to skin contact, and breastfeeding, and I'll be with her in hospital (if we have to stay in) and he has to go home:( If I decide to bottle feed then he can feed her and bond with her aswell.

He is concerned about loads, about both our health, if there are any complications during the pregnancy/birth. He doesnt like me lifting heavy things.

If you need any more info, just pm me:)

Former Member

spanner wrote: »

Ladies: Did you do anything special to involve your men? Were you worried about them feeling left out at all? Can you remember anything that they were concerned about?

Be great to hear what you think...

Not really. I think men are encouraged a lot nowadays, or at least it seemed that way to me. The midwives and doctors were more keen for the father to be involved than I was... sometimes you just need a bit of space I can't say I worried about any potential feelings of him being left out, as I was always pretty confident that once the babies arrived he'd be incredibly involved (or it'd be the worse for him!). But in seriousness, I think pregnancy in contemporary relationships is more often than not very much a shared experience.

I didn't do anything special to involve him, he was just involved. It seemed pretty natural, and I didn't really feel the need to artificially involve him anymore than he wanted to be. Becoming a Dad made him about as involved as he could be! But yeah, we did all the scans, appointments, check-ups together and we spent a lot of time talking about what if this and what if that eventualities. We both had quite a relaxed and reasonable approach to the entire situation, to a point, anyway. I don't think he ever wanted to be more involved than is humanly possible, and I don't think he had any issues concerning the fact that I might bond with the babies more than he would at first... I think we both just accepted that as a given. Kind of. I think he worried a lot that he might not take to fatherhood and it might be a huge, huge mistake... that worry kicked in a bit too late for any changes to be made. But it was a worry we both had, and got over...

I can, however, remember every other niggling, tiny, huge, random worry under the sun. All he did was worry, seemingly, about the things that worrying can't solve or help.

Pretty true to what MoK has already said

What if they arrive early (very apt worry, really), what if there are complications, what if I'm not there when labour starts, what if they aren't healthy babies, what if they need to stay in hospital for a long time, what if one is ugly and one is beautiful?

We had every worry in the world - though he moreso than I - and quite a few of them were well-founded! Not the beautiful/ugly one though, of course...

Hmm, random thoughts are pouring out of my head (parenthood does nothing to aid a coherent mind or train of thought, I'll say that). I'm sure I'll be back

Former Member

I'm even more outside, I'm older than MoK