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how important is sex in a relationship?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Obviously sex shouldn't be the defining thing around which to base a relationship. Sex is great but there are other more important things, right?
But then again, sex actually is a really important part of a relationship. Otherwise it wouldn't be such a big deal for everyone and sites like this wouldn't have a whole section of a forum dedicated to it. Sex is one of the most meaningful experiences that life has to offer. So how much priority should you give to it in your relationship? How high up your list should it be of things you want to be good with your partner? Would you sacrifice other things to be with someone where the sex was really good? Or what good things would be important enough to make you sacrifice good sex?
You hear of couples who say they do love each other very much, but that the sex isn't that good. But they still have good relationships. I guess it matters different amounts to different people. I've recently split from my girlfriend and am still pretty upset about it. I'm missing the sex a lot, that's not to say it's the only thing I miss about her, there are many things I miss, but sex is indeed a big one. Before we met neither she or I had sex anything like as good as the sex that we had. I'm curious to see how I'd be in the future if I got into a relationship where the sex wasn't as good as with my recent girlfriend. I think I never realised before how good it could be, but now that I know, how would I cope with knowing it could be better if I didn't have the same sexual chemistry with someone else? I know that sex takes practice with new couples and that it can improve, but some people are, well, just good in bed. (Like, in my opinion, the girl I just split from, and, if you take her word for it, me.) Don't get me wrong about my breakup, there's looooaaads of reasons that I'm sad about not being with her, but I just got wondering about the sex thing.
Imagine two hypothetical extremes - I think there's not many people who would stay in a relationship just for the good sex if you also had nothing in common with the other person, argued all the time and generally hated each other. But then how many people would be happy to be in a relationship where you got on amazingly but never ever had sex? (I realise there could be a lot of reasons why a couple might not have sex, but I'm generalising here.) In one sense I think it's shallow to think that sex could have that much influence in what you look for in another person. In another sense, sometimes I think people aren't honest or open enough in attributing to sex the importance that it perhaps deserves, because it's such a unique thing. I find it hard to understand people who think that having amazing sex isn't that important, because it's means they're missing out on one of the most special experiences in life.
But then again, sex actually is a really important part of a relationship. Otherwise it wouldn't be such a big deal for everyone and sites like this wouldn't have a whole section of a forum dedicated to it. Sex is one of the most meaningful experiences that life has to offer. So how much priority should you give to it in your relationship? How high up your list should it be of things you want to be good with your partner? Would you sacrifice other things to be with someone where the sex was really good? Or what good things would be important enough to make you sacrifice good sex?
You hear of couples who say they do love each other very much, but that the sex isn't that good. But they still have good relationships. I guess it matters different amounts to different people. I've recently split from my girlfriend and am still pretty upset about it. I'm missing the sex a lot, that's not to say it's the only thing I miss about her, there are many things I miss, but sex is indeed a big one. Before we met neither she or I had sex anything like as good as the sex that we had. I'm curious to see how I'd be in the future if I got into a relationship where the sex wasn't as good as with my recent girlfriend. I think I never realised before how good it could be, but now that I know, how would I cope with knowing it could be better if I didn't have the same sexual chemistry with someone else? I know that sex takes practice with new couples and that it can improve, but some people are, well, just good in bed. (Like, in my opinion, the girl I just split from, and, if you take her word for it, me.) Don't get me wrong about my breakup, there's looooaaads of reasons that I'm sad about not being with her, but I just got wondering about the sex thing.
Imagine two hypothetical extremes - I think there's not many people who would stay in a relationship just for the good sex if you also had nothing in common with the other person, argued all the time and generally hated each other. But then how many people would be happy to be in a relationship where you got on amazingly but never ever had sex? (I realise there could be a lot of reasons why a couple might not have sex, but I'm generalising here.) In one sense I think it's shallow to think that sex could have that much influence in what you look for in another person. In another sense, sometimes I think people aren't honest or open enough in attributing to sex the importance that it perhaps deserves, because it's such a unique thing. I find it hard to understand people who think that having amazing sex isn't that important, because it's means they're missing out on one of the most special experiences in life.
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Comments
i'd be interested to see what people say about adult relationships without sex. it's something i'm interested in exploring for long and complicated reasons. obviously religious people may avoid it, but what other reasons are there and how open do you be about it? as an adult i think many people become put off if they hear there's going to be little or no sex in a relationship.
surely a sexual spark at least is vital to a romantic relationship? even if you're not actually...doing anything?
to me, i suspect its too important. I wouldn't stay in a crappy relationship for good sex but crap sex definately puts me off, because i (foolishly?) can't help but regard it as a personal insult. it's like - what, you don't want me?
Most long-term relationships go through period of draught at some point, and what's important is having enough else to keep going.
But a good sex life is healthy, releaves stress and between people who really love each other its a very powerful expression of feeling and increases the strength of theyre bond,
I think people are afraid to seem shallow by admitting how important sex is, i mean sexual attraction is a huge part of the reason people get together in the first place, (im not being shallow here different things are sexually attractive for different people im not talking about the classicly attractive look,) Being 100% honest i can say that a good sex life is important to me, and that deeper feelings often develop for me after the initial physical/mental sexual attraction, i dont believe in love at first sight, you see someone you find attractive, ask them out, then after a period of weeks/months/years your feelings for this person grow, its thwe instinctive desire to reproduce that innitiates the whole process IMHO
With my current partner there was real sexual chemistry from the start and tbh, If (God forbid) anything went wrong in this relationship I REALLY doubt id find sex as good anywhere else.
I would LOVE to say that sex isnt that important in a loving relationship but for me it really is. I felt like i was going mad with lack of sex in my marriage. Felt so undesirable and unwomanly, like i was the only one in the world living like that.
In my relationship now I would do everything in my power to keep sex and intimacy a priority, I think thats sex in itself, not just amazing sex, because although thats fabulous and fun, but its also a way to reconnect and show your love and desire for one another.
Once you dont want to have sex with your partner anymore, I think theres something deeply wrong.