Home Health & Wellbeing
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

suicidal thoughts

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok, i know there is a thead for depression and self-harming but i wanted to seperate this.

for so long now i've been getting strong suicidal thoughts, almost to the point where i don't think there is a way out. the thing is, i know i can hide it really well. i don't feel as if my life is worth living and i feel completely lost.

i can't turn to anyone about this as it has got too out of control.

has anyone here got any advice or been through it themselves?

:crying: :confused:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i've had suicidal thoughts..this summer was a rough period for me. but i would definitely say talking to someone whether it be your doctor or family member or trusted friend.. i felt like i wouldn't actually do anything but having them in the first place is a very scary thing for someone so young and you shouldn't have to go through it alone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And the Samaritans http://www.samaritans.org//
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Firstly, I'm really sorry you're going through a tough time. About two and a half years ago I ODed on some painkillers. It was my third attempt at suicide. I'd been feeling really depressed for a long time and I was just so exhausted with all the crap that was going on. I was in hospital for a week. When I was in the ambulance and A&E and for months after ODing. I was very angry at my brother for calling the ambulance. I kept wishing he would have just left me be when he found me. In the ward, I was on a bed next to a window and there were many times I wanted to just jump out of the window. Before ODing, I kept crossing the road without looking (hoping a lorry might bang into me and kill me), I kept going out alone at night hoping I'd get murdered, I even looked into paying someone to shoot me. I cried virtually every second of the day. I just wanted to be dead. I couldn't imagine ever feeling happy, or even just content or satisfied. Then in hospital the doctor said they may have to put me in the psychiatric ward and it hit me that I needed to get help so I talked to a counsellor.
    I looked forward to my weekly sessions with my counsellor cos it was just so nice to talk to someone about everything and anything without being judged. I quit college and re-enrolled for the following September for some time off to just reflect and get my life together. That, with my counselling, helped me a lot. I know its hard to talk to your friends or family about your suicidal thoughts - I never talked to my friends or boyfriend about wanting to die, obviously until I ODed and they came to hospital to visit, so that's why talking to a counsellor really helps because they won't judge you or anything. It took me about a year and a half to feel OK again and be happy again. I would strongly suggest going to your GP and asking to see a counsellor. You could also try letting out your feelings in a diary whenevery you feel suicidal. Also take some time off to clear your mind. I hope you feel better soon x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    crystalx2 wrote: »
    Firstly, I'm really sorry you're going through a tough time. About two and a half years ago I ODed on some painkillers. It was my third attempt at suicide. I'd been feeling really depressed for a long time and I was just so exhausted with all the crap that was going on. I was in hospital for a week. When I was in the ambulance and A&E and for months after ODing. I was very angry at my brother for calling the ambulance. I kept wishing he would have just left me be when he found me. In the ward, I was on a bed next to a window and there were many times I wanted to just jump out of the window. Before ODing, I kept crossing the road without looking (hoping a lorry might bang into me and kill me), I kept going out alone at night hoping I'd get murdered, I even looked into paying someone to shoot me. I cried virtually every second of the day. I just wanted to be dead. I couldn't imagine ever feeling happy, or even just content or satisfied. Then in hospital the doctor said they may have to put me in the psychiatric ward and it hit me that I needed to get help so I talked to a counsellor.
    I looked forward to my weekly sessions with my counsellor cos it was just so nice to talk to someone about everything and anything without being judged. I quit college and re-enrolled for the following September for some time off to just reflect and get my life together. That, with my counselling, helped me a lot. I know its hard to talk to your friends or family about your suicidal thoughts - I never talked to my friends or boyfriend about wanting to die, obviously until I ODed and they came to hospital to visit, so that's why talking to a counsellor really helps because they won't judge you or anything. It took me about a year and a half to feel OK again and be happy again. I would strongly suggest going to your GP and asking to see a counsellor. You could also try letting out your feelings in a diary whenevery you feel suicidal. Also take some time off to clear your mind. I hope you feel better soon x

    wow. your story makes me feel more positive. i can relate to some of the things you mentioned.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote: »
    wow. your story makes me feel more positive. i can relate to some of the things you mentioned.

    aw thats really touching thanks.
    i just hope people and OP see that there is hope of getting out of the vicious cycle that is suicidal thoughts and hope they can find the strength somewhere to stick it out and find happiness. it takes a long time but its possible. i wish there was some sort of mental a&e so when you're going crazy or have a mindfuck or have a suicidal thought you could just go there and talk to someone and let it all out though i suppose thats what samaritans and the like are there for.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    crystalx2 wrote: »
    there were many times I wanted to just jump out of the window. Before ODing, I kept crossing the road without looking (hoping a lorry might bang into me and kill me), I kept going out alone at night hoping I'd get murdered, I cried virtually every second of the day. I just wanted to be dead. I couldn't imagine ever feeling happy, or even just content or satisfied.

    thankyou for replying. in the worst way possible, its nice to know that someone can understand and i guess, realate to how i feel. you talked about taking some time off college- i've just started college and i'm in the middle of a refferal to a london hospital as the one i was in before didn't work out.i scared about taking time off college and starting again next september as im already behind in my work.
    without sounding silly, i hope that one day i'll be in a place where i feel happy like you, and i know it wont be easy going but if you've been through all you talked about and come out the other side? its very inspirational.
    thanks :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i scared about taking time off college and starting again next september as im already behind in my work.
    thanks :)

    i was scared too about taking time off college because it would mean taking an extra year to complete my a levels. it felt rubbish knowing all my friends were off to uni when i had to stay for another year but it was all worth it in the end. i don't know what ur situation is but if you're already behind that's another reason to start again in september cos hopefully your mind would me refreshed a little more and you''ll have a fresher start.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nice to hear a positive outcome.

    thanks for writing that
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey

    Sorry to hear you feeling down and that way. Dunno if you wana talk bout it but do you have any plans or anything? PM if you don't wana say on here. Anyway...

    I've been having suicidal thoughts for about a year n a half now and can completely relate to what ur saying. I've OD'd and had problems with self harm, been in hospital too many times and almost been under section. Somehow after everything I'm still here battling away. It hasn't been fun. And I still have mixed feelings about everything and I'm not going to lie saying that I'm OK or close to it.

    But I'm very very good at hiding it all to. When I first started feeling like that i tried to get help but basically wasn't taken seriously and i learnt to block it all out. but it eventually all came up and i was in a right mess. Its great that you know that you can hide it. But my advice is don't. the longer you feel like that the worst it could get. And there will be reasons as to why you feel like this in the first place. Have you spoken to anyone around you about this? Tried going to your GP? Anyway your not alone in it and if you wana chat I'm here

    xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i've been a self-harmer for 3 years now. its progressively got worse, and i've been sectioned from it, when i was 15 but i was taken to a high-secure ADULT ward. it was weird.

    I see two psychiatrists on a regular basis, one i see more than the other as i'm waiting for this assessment in london. I find it so hard to explain to them the exact thoughts i get, i mean, i could be with my friends at college and in the back of my mind it goes around, as if i should do it, i deserve it...? or if something fails, 'i should have known better' and 'do it worse next time.'

    Last year i had an eating disorder. i would starve myself and i managed to lose almost 3 stone in 2 1/2 months. it got to the point where i was vomiting if i touched any food. Anyway, i've gone back to vomiting up my food. people think, wow, amys doing well- not self-harmed for 2 weeks now but the vomiting is somehow...keeping me going and for the fact that i did OD last week but the hospital had the wrong contact details for me so they let me go(thank god).
    With the thoughts i'm already 'planning' the next time. Its so draining, do you know what i mean?

    people are aware but i feel that as i've had mental heath input for so long now, as if they don't take my serious problems-serious?

    wow, i've gone on xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dancin_k8i wrote: »
    Hey
    xxx

    by the way, i really like your signature message

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    -kenny- wrote: »
    Dwelling on something gets you nowhere

    With all respect, I think these guys know that already :rolleyes:

    The fact that you're opening up here and talking to one another is very positive. It might not seem like much, but it can help enormously.

    Remember there's always a place to turn - The Samaritans, our askTheSite service, these boards, to mention a few.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    by the way, i really like your signature message

    :)

    aw thanks :) i feel really strongly about stuff like that x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but the hospital had the wrong contact details for me so they let me go(thank god).

    lol i can relate to that. sounds like you'd had a pretty hard time. if it helps i get the same thoughts; i've hidden everything, EVERYTHING and still do to seem as normal as i can with daily life, when i'm actually constantly planning and imagining everything and anything. and no-one takes me seriously AT ALL and says that there is nothing they can do except put me on a ward, which is more of a threat than anything but to be fair it keeps me from doing anything. But whatever jst want u 2 know i get what your saying x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dancin_k8i wrote: »
    i've hidden everything, EVERYTHING and still do to seem as normal as i can with daily life, when i'm actually constantly planning and imagining everything and anything. and no-one takes me seriously AT ALL and says that there is nothing they can do except put me on a ward

    as silly as this sounds, i hate knowing that your going through it, keeping it to yourself but its so good you feel able to express yourself on here, that is a step forward. and i know what you mean about being put on a ward, most doctors don't understand. anyway, hope you know im always here if u need to chat.:)

    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hope you know im always here if u need to chat.:)

    xx


    thanks right back at ya x
Sign In or Register to comment.