If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
My Lecturer: Should I?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've fancied my lecturer for a year.
We have a common interest and as such have recently become friends, swapping emails and dropping by for chats (not related to studies).
Now I have graduated, but I expect we'll continue to see each other at least as friends... but sometimes I wonder whether he also feels the same way, and whether if circumstances were right, something might happen.
Two things:
1. Any tips on working out whether he feels the same without giving my own feelings away?
2. Is this allowed - a graduate and their ex-lecturer sleeping together?
Advice appreciated!
-Jess-
We have a common interest and as such have recently become friends, swapping emails and dropping by for chats (not related to studies).
Now I have graduated, but I expect we'll continue to see each other at least as friends... but sometimes I wonder whether he also feels the same way, and whether if circumstances were right, something might happen.
Two things:
1. Any tips on working out whether he feels the same without giving my own feelings away?
2. Is this allowed - a graduate and their ex-lecturer sleeping together?
Advice appreciated!
-Jess-
0
Comments
If you are no longer a student - give it a go.
I don't think there are any issues if you are no longer a student.
Spend time together, especially over a few drinks - that usually makes things happen if there are going to.
i agree with this. definately think it through.
For many reasons, if s/he hadn't waited, it would be illegal. (I think)
I see nothing wrong with it, assuming your lecturer is single.
Oh no, not illegal! lol
Although possibly against university rules, as the essays that lecturers mark go towards the final degrees....
To the OP, go for it, what have you go to lose?!
It's not illegal, and it's generally not against university policies. It's not encouraged, and it'd would likely be a conflict of interests if the lecturer was teaching the student. Some universities have policies that if a lecturer gets involved with a current student then contingencies have to made to have that course taught by another member of staff, or have the student transferred out. Since this is usually hugely inconvenient for both parties, it can act as an effective enough deterrent.
Really? That's surprising. I know they're all consenting adults, but I'd have thought that student-lecturer relationships would have created far too many hassles so not allowing it would just give the uni authorities an easy life!
i expect it would have caused problems tho, other students would accuse him of favoring you even if he didnt, had the same thing when i dated a junior at work i had to favor her less than anyone else so i didnt get accused of favoritism, also his colleagues might have made life uncomfortable for him
Hi guys
Firstly...LOL @ cheese on toast.... yes, many times I wished I could do something as a student at the time but actually things have only really got more active between us since the last few months of study.
Thanks to everyone for all the positive and informative replies... so you think the Uni couldn't do anything against him now I am a graduate - there's no 'ex-student' rules in general? At the moment I am emailing his university address so I need to be careful...
As far as having nothing to lose - I guess because we are friends and likely to see each other through another means I don't want to embaress myself too much.
Does anyone have any tips that can help me guage whether he'd be open to this kind of relationship - how do I know that he doesn't consider student-lecturer relationships taboo.
I mean on the one I think maybe he would be completely against the idea, but on the other hand my friends say his emails are quite friendly, and sometimes I think that maybe a lecturer who was strictly against student-lecturer relationships would not even dream of engaging in friendly emails and coffee invites (yes he's invited me to meet for coffee before now)...what do you think?
Other things to consider... well, we both share the same sporting interest (hence the common interest that got us talking to begin with) and he's mentioned joining the club I am in sometime next year (hence why I might see him again and so can't risk complete humiliation lol). He seemed really interested in coming to one of the club social dinners once when I asked (under the cover that he could 'meet everyone before joining' lol). In the end he couldnt make it but he seemed really apologetic.
Also, the first time we chatted properly he asked me to send him pictures from a sporting thing I was involved in - he seems genuinly interested. I sent him a link from Facebook to the pictures. Then a couple of months later, he joins Facebook - nothing more than a basic account so sadly no juicy information - although I haven't added him yet as a friend, don't want to be too obvious. I'm planning on dropping it into the conversation casually next time I chat to see if he says anything.
His age is on their too - he's 36 (I'm 23) - yet another reason why I worry incase he considers the whole idea as taboo... argh!
As far as being single, well, obviously I don't know more sure (asking would be a bit obvious, lol) BUT he doesn't have a ring, I saw some pictures of him once at a uni work social thing and he wasnt pictured with any women (although all the other lecturers were by their wives/husbands). Also, he's never mentioned anything that involves kids/family/wife. And, I happened to randomly meet another girl from the same department who had been to another work social where he was, again no indication of being with anyone. Of course thats not a definate answer either way but at least its not an obvious Yes, blatantly happily married. As you may have read from my other post, I feel very uncomfortable doing anything with someone with a partner so that would really close the deal if it was.
I dunno, I find it confusing, whether he's just being friendly or whether theres likely to be more to it.
All I know is that he is gorrrgggeeeouussss LOL. I fancied him from the first lecture and at that point I said to myself that I have to have him, but then of course I thought what are the chances of him even noticing me- so even though we are just friends, I am still kind of amazed I managed to get this much teehee.
.......ho hum.
-Jess-
Lol.. actually he's a senior lecturer and researcher, I think he really cares about his subject :eek: