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Oh my good god...I slept with him!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
First of all, apologies for starting a new thread, I was thinking of just pposting a reply in my thread down the page somewhere, but thought this might get read more!
Secondly, I promise you this post isn't the start of many, many thousands of "what does this mean?" postings - so anyone who was bored by my phil-threads earlier in the year, please don't flame me
Anyway...I moved to my new house on the 9th. By the 10th, Phil had found out where I was living (due to me and my big mouth; he asked where I'd moved to, I answered) and at first he was lovely, helping me get my mattress upstairs and offering me his washing machine, so stupidly I let myself get sucked in again, he asked to stay over and I let him, couldn't go through with sleeping with him but after that he asked to come out every day - every SINGLE day, for a week!
He posted notes through my door apologising for times he hadn't shown up (only happened once, actually), brought food round after work then got moody/upset when I didn't eat it and even asked to stay at mine for a week, while his brother was staying at his house! Needless to say I refused that one!
On the plus side though, we were getting on really well, he swore (and still says) he wants to be at the birth, kept rubbing my tummy, talking to the bump etc, it was all quite sweet really. But then on Tuesday he finally got what he wanted, we had sex and the next morning he left with barely a goodbye, and hasn't spoken to me properly since. He says it's because Tuesday night I'd said he was always around and it made me feel uncomfortable - he reckons that upset him, but I'm sure the real reason is
he got me into bed again.
Either that or he wants what he can't have (as my mate thinks), and the slightest little disagreement is enough to put him off the idea of being with me.
Anyone fancy taking a guess as to why he managed to wrap me around his little finger like that?! I was doing fine without him, then we started getting on again and I turned to mush.
The thing is, I fancy him but not hugely, and the sex is...well crap, quite frankly. I'm not comfortable about my body at the moment (being 8 months pregnant can do that to a girl!) and I never feel comfortable having sex with Phil, so I pretty much just lie there looking embarrased, moving...but not much. Nothing like I used to be!
So the sex is bad, I don't want to be with him (too much hassle), so why the hell do I keep going back?! *kicks self*
Secondly, I promise you this post isn't the start of many, many thousands of "what does this mean?" postings - so anyone who was bored by my phil-threads earlier in the year, please don't flame me
Anyway...I moved to my new house on the 9th. By the 10th, Phil had found out where I was living (due to me and my big mouth; he asked where I'd moved to, I answered) and at first he was lovely, helping me get my mattress upstairs and offering me his washing machine, so stupidly I let myself get sucked in again, he asked to stay over and I let him, couldn't go through with sleeping with him but after that he asked to come out every day - every SINGLE day, for a week!
He posted notes through my door apologising for times he hadn't shown up (only happened once, actually), brought food round after work then got moody/upset when I didn't eat it and even asked to stay at mine for a week, while his brother was staying at his house! Needless to say I refused that one!
On the plus side though, we were getting on really well, he swore (and still says) he wants to be at the birth, kept rubbing my tummy, talking to the bump etc, it was all quite sweet really. But then on Tuesday he finally got what he wanted, we had sex and the next morning he left with barely a goodbye, and hasn't spoken to me properly since. He says it's because Tuesday night I'd said he was always around and it made me feel uncomfortable - he reckons that upset him, but I'm sure the real reason is
he got me into bed again.
Either that or he wants what he can't have (as my mate thinks), and the slightest little disagreement is enough to put him off the idea of being with me.
Anyone fancy taking a guess as to why he managed to wrap me around his little finger like that?! I was doing fine without him, then we started getting on again and I turned to mush.
The thing is, I fancy him but not hugely, and the sex is...well crap, quite frankly. I'm not comfortable about my body at the moment (being 8 months pregnant can do that to a girl!) and I never feel comfortable having sex with Phil, so I pretty much just lie there looking embarrased, moving...but not much. Nothing like I used to be!
So the sex is bad, I don't want to be with him (too much hassle), so why the hell do I keep going back?! *kicks self*
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Comments
I am wondering why you do as well?
You talk as if you just do it, like you dont have any control over the situation and he wants to know where you live so you tell him, or he wants to have sex, so you lie there and let him.
:yes:
Either that or it's a case of not thinking
here here
i find it soooooo disturbing that she is older than me AND is about to become a mum, yet still acts like she is 16 in a "puppy love" relationship
harsh words on their way...if u dont like them, heed the warning and dont read them
YOU are about to become a mother, YOU will be responsible for another human being!
YOU need to stop thinking "me me me" and put your mind into mother mode!
YOU need to grow up, hopefuly within the next month, but i wont hold my breath
might be harsh, but it dont think hearing it does any good, u need to see it in black and white
Do you feel loved? Do you love yourself?
Are you making the moves or is he?
At the end of the day, you need to do what's best for you. The fact that you posted this up shows that you feel something isn't right, or that you're unhappy or unsure of things going on right now.
But you're bringing a little one in to the world, would you continue the way you are going whilst you're bringing them up?
Jesus, when I think of all these couples bursting with love and respect for eachother who physically can't have children and spend thousands of money on IVF etc and someone like you...gets pregnant at the drop of a hat and you advocate this prat being in your life...christ.
In the time it's taken to grow his baby in you, you're still indulging this situation.
You're a sandwich short of a picnic, honestly.
I think like namaste said you need to think about loving yourself and your baby and not worry about him, so you had sex and he started keeping his distance, soon you will be too busy with a baby to worry about him and hopefully you will sort your head out once and for all.
Then, he comes round being all lovely, friendly, helpful, supportive and caring. All of which on face value are fantastic things, and just the kind of guy you want around, especially with a littlun on the way.
BUT he's not, he's fickle and generally after one thing. You need to set yourself higher standards missy, and remember that you are perfectly capable of looking after youself, you don't need anyone else just because they seem to care slightly and are vageuly useful. Before letting anyone into your life this much, make sure they have proved themselves to be reliable.
He has repeatedly failed to, so please remember to keep him at arms length, and even when it seems he's being helpful, don't let him weedle his way back in too much, keep any contact strictlyt limited.
Ideally to nothing!
Please, for the sake of yourself, your baby and your sanity, just leave him.
SCC had it spot on, you have the ability to say no, and you dont just have sex without thinking etc. It doesnt JUST happen.
Be friends by all means, but I personally dont think that will do you any good!
have you read her other threads? People have been through all of this with her hun, believe me.
Well goodness me, I didn't realise I'd logged into nothingoodtosaybutillsayitanyway.bitch
Having been accidentally pregnant myself, I know and understand the desire to make a happy family unit, even with a guy who is a cockface. Myopinion on Alisia's relationship with twat-face is similar to those I am critisising now, only I don't agree with trying to belittle or insulting a young vulnerable pregnant young lady into seeing the situation as I view it.
I don't know whether little-[atroniser is giving the best or worst advice, I do know that Alisia needs and deserves compassion.
/rant
Well that's really harsh and uncalled for. You wouldn't say that to a friend would you. Sure you'd be frustrated but she's still going to love and care for her baby regardless of how she got pregnant and what relationship she has with the dad.
We can all see that this guy is no good for her and Alasia probably does too. But she's heavily pregnant and probably needs some love and when Phil gives it to her it's probably hard to resist and she probably hoped he could be different this time. She'll sort it out eventually I'm sure but she's only young and I think this is her first relationship therefore she's still quite inexperienced when it comes to it. It's only as you have more relationships that you learn what you do and don't put up with and what you actually deserve.
From recently past experience, I'd say you think what you think and say is correct, yet you have no legal or personal background to verify your beliefs. The issue of whether scool is compulsory or not is a recent example.
Well said.
What's that got to do with this thread?
Yeah, but she's not my friend and everyone's tried the 'nice' route with her. I know she'll love the baby and do the best she can, but I just feel that she doesn't really seem to care much for the situation she's about to bring her baby in and THAT riles me.
I dunno, I feel this is a lost cause and there's only so much time and attention we can indulge her in. I know her hormones are shot to pot and the rest of it, but she can't seriously expect us not to go off our head a wee bit?
What I said was a bit harsh, and I'll put my hands up.
Although I don't think it's really sunk in what a miracle she's been given - cheesy as fuck but sue me - and she keeps bringing herself emotional torment willingly, and I've came across so many situations where people voluntarily allow themselves this pain after agreeing to my advice and it's just not on.
But there's a point where you need to let go, but she is worth more than this bloke, she truly is. And I don't know the lengths and endurance she needs to suffer to find this out for herself and that's the disheartening thing about it because she is a bright girl - just no common sense where relationships are concerned. But we've all been in that boat.
Myself included, and I had to learn the excruciatingly HARD way and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. Which is an explanation why I'm so quick to jump the gun where these situations are concerned.
:yes:
If people get fed up with what they're reading... Nobody is forcing them to reply either.
there is only so much nicey nicey advice you can give someone like alasia
her posts are more or less the same everytime she makes them, they aint "updates" as she likes to call them, they are repeats
this is at least the 4th topic with a similar feel
you can only pussy foot around someone for so long, then you need to give them the hard hitting facts, in a HOPE that it'll knock some sense into them, sometimes people NEED to hear is straight
she is 23 and expecting a baby, yes this lad is being a complete and utter twat, no-one is denying that, but he only behaves the way he does because she lets him and she needs to realise that
there is only so much "compassion" you can give to someone when time and time again they've made posts and have been given advice yet choose to ignore it/dismiss it/ridicule it
i mean, he was threatening to have a restraining order put on her! she makes excuses for every bad thing that she does, and at her age, and her situation in life, that's just not good enough
hopefully when the baby comes along she will have a new focus and all this stuff with the knob will be forgotten, i think we all wish her all the best, but she is heading down a dangerous path....
i apologise to alasia if i have offended her