Relationship with mum...

Former Member

Its driving me up the wall. How can you tell your mum to back off? If I tell her anything about hows things are going generally, she'll make it her personal problem to boot, and she'll constantly nag about it until its resolved. I suppose you can say dont talk to your mum about personal issues and situations, but thats what families there for! I know I can deal with things on my own and I've been pretty successful so far in life to prove this, but it seems none of this good enough, nothing is ever good enough! Nothing is ever positive with her and her negative attitude down the years I think has taken its toll on me. I hate coming home out of uni term time, and it shouldn't be like that. I know she wants me home because I'm her son, and she offers me a roof and food. But it seems when I take the liberty in taking them the novelty of it doesn't last long. Everything from bills, to education, to employment to relationships, she has to have a say in it all and its never good or constructive. She never lets it go! I mean a conversation will start of light heartedly and turn into a life concerning debate! Its bleeding ridiculous! I even try avoid her when I'm at home, and leave it to the odd conversation, but it always ends up a real stubborn stalemate. I never get any time with my little sister because shes always with her and I cant be arsed/doing with my mums lectures or concentrated negativity when frankly I've got enough of that going on at the minute. I feel like I'm being grinded down and my mums the only person on earth who could ever manage that.

I don't want her out of my life, but I cant hack her constant negative input and moaning! Her opinions seem to make situations harder not easier and its starting to get me down! Anyone ever had similar problems?

Former Member

I know how you feel. When I finished Uni and came home I had my parents constantly nagging me about applying for jobs. Every single day I would have to listen to them giving me "advice" about sending my CV off, writing letters to companies, going to agencies, listenign to what such and such's daughter has done. It drove me nuts! And we used to argue all the time. Then when they finally shut the fuck up I actually started getting somewhere with jobs! The nagging was so demoralising and exhausting that when they left me alone to use my own brain and my own motivation I did well.

If the only interaction you have with your mum is seeing her at home and getting into arguments then do you think it would make things better if you went out with her and your sister and did soemthing as a family?

Former Member

I know what you mean.

I used to be like that, my Mam is a proper nag. I had a massive falling out with her about two years ago because she was going on and on and on and I went the best part of a year without any contact with her at all. That was a bit extreme, but I think things will end up coming to a head and you'll probably end up having a big row about it.

Personally, I swallowed my pride and I'm on such good terms with my Mam now. There's a bit of physical distance which helps, but I think she's learned that I'm my own person and she's not quite so forceful nowadays. I'm a lot more respectful now too. I really do cherish my relationship with my folks now, you really do realise what they mean to you as the years go by.

Former Member

God I can completely relate to that ! Me and my mum are going through a bit of a rocky phrase at the moment its constant nagging and moaning and she never has anything nice to say. All conversations which start out nice enough turn into full-blown arguments about how I never do anything around the house which is so cheeky !!

Anyway .. back to your problem .. i would say talk to her about it but i know from experience mums dont like being told they are doing things wrong/ nags. Maybe get some space inbetween you and her, help her out with a few things around the house and the next time she offers you advice or an opinion just nodd politely and say, 'I'll take that into account'' thats what i do.

As for your little sister, how old is she? if shes young enough take her out to the cinema or something you mum might appreciate some time to herself or something

Former Member

its my mum who leaves me alone about getting a job. its my dad who nags us and about me starting college he giving out coz i dnt know wat course il be startin coz e wants to send the grant form away. like he tryin to help but it not my fault i dont know what will happen

Former Member

Hehe... I come back and my Mum is like "do this" or "do that" and if I get upset "ohh don't be so negative"...

It's only because she cares.

It gets on my tits... But then, I am glad my Mum cares enough to want to involve herself in my life because my Dad rarely does.

Former Member

i know how bad your relationship with your mum might be. Mines similar, she doesn't want to believe that i have problems, but then if i don't tell her she shouts and screams. The problem is my mum scares me; she can really hurt herself. the only good thing about my relationship is that me and my mum are two peas in a pod.

but i hate the way it makes me feel really down. nd all that stuff doesn't help my situation.

don't you evry just feel like running away? It can be painful, because like you say families are there to support. My advice would be when you have something to say which might bother her, take her somewher public, whilst shopping or something.


xxxx

Former Member

My mum and I always argue. It's all the catty, sarky remarks that are made that get me started and then her. But deep down she loves me and I love her.

Mums are like that, maybe you just need space.

Former Member

Yep. Mums are a problem. Remember though, they spent a large time of ther life bringin you up and showing you what to do, when you start to learn for yourself and dont need them anymore it can be difficult.

Former Member

lipsy wrote: »

I know how you feel. When I finished Uni and came home I had my parents constantly nagging me about applying for jobs. Every single day I would have to listen to them giving me "advice" about sending my CV off, writing letters to companies, going to agencies, listenign to what such and such's daughter has done. It drove me nuts! And we used to argue all the time. Then when they finally shut the fuck up I actually started getting somewhere with jobs! The nagging was so demoralising and exhausting that when they left me alone to use my own brain and my own motivation I did well.

If the only interaction you have with your mum is seeing her at home and getting into arguments then do you think it would make things better if you went out with her and your sister and did soemthing as a family?

Haha, I'm getting the same at the moment. They don't realise that the more they nag, they less I'm gonna do. Explaining that to them is fucking useless though. :mad:

Former Member

MancDan, I think u have good enough relations in fam.
But I think it`s not important to obbey ur mum so much... I often wanna to do something myself- so I don`t tell her before. But It`s my family/ u have another one///