How to approach this/am I selfish?

Former Member

My Dad picked me up last Saturday to bring my boxes back up north from London as I have to move flat. I was gonna store them at a mate's house (it'd take around 20 minutes to unload) as he claims to have no room at his house.

Now I really am greatful that he didn't get me to pay for this journey and that he spent the day helping me out (in fact, surprised that he actually turned up as he said his girlfriend's Mum was in hospital and if anything came up he couldn't come... However, I found out later she was discharged on Friday)...

However, he phoned me Sunday basically saying that I have to get my shit out of his car and drop everything. I couldn't, I was on my way to Chester and argued the point that if he told me last night, or even in the morning that I could have arranged it around the day instead of going out with my Mum, my brother and his partner for a meal. He made me out to be really selfish and his girlfriend was screaming at me from the background... It unnerved me and I felt guilty for ever having bothered with him.

All he needed to do was get an organ in the car to take to church to play for a service... I mean the car boot was hardly full in the first place and even if there wasn't any room, he could have moved 2 binbags either in to his house, or in to the front. He said he didn't have any room in his house, literally no room at all (he has room to store a keyboard, but not a couple of boxes/binbags). My Mum told me off and said that I should learn to be assertive and not let him walk over me...

Anyway... He hasn't contacted me about my stuff and I'm a bit worried. All he did was txt me to say "****'s been referred to hospital, I'll be in touch as soon as I know what's happening" and has left it at that.

So I only have a few set of clothes and I am annoyed, but at the same time I feel guilty because she's an alcoholic and very ill...

I'm also terrified... I mean what if she dies? She was given 2 years to live a few weeks ago...

Now this lady is not a nice lady, she did some really terrible things to my brother and I and whilst Mum was going to go to the police to report child abuse, Dad stopped her. Basically, her and my father were big factors in my depression and it completely ruined my self-esteem and ability to trust people... But he's my Dad, right?

So if she does end up dying this time... I'm scared. She's one of the few people I actually dislike, I really really think that she is a psychopath and refuse to ever have anything to do with her, but my family don't know.

If anything were to happen to her, then several things could come of this:

A, My Dad might want to know us again
B, I would have to go to her funeral and face family and pretend everything is Ok when it's NOT
C, As much as I don't like my father, I'm worried it would kill him...

I know I probably sound like a sick, nasty, selfish and disgusting human being... But I was wondering if anybody else thinks I am justified in what I feel? or if I'm just a cunt who deserves to be shot.

Indrid Cold

You're absolutely justified, the way it all sounds.
So what if he's your dad? If you dislike him that much you don't have to do anything with him. Just forget he exists, same as you would if he wasn't your dad.

Former Member

if shes as horrible as she sounds then why should you be bothered what happens to her?
Funerals are generally for people to make their peace with the deceiced and to say their goodbyes but as i read it there is no love lost there so why bother going?
Youre not a little kid anymore and thus can make your own decisions, i know he is your dad and all but to be honest, he doesnt sound very nice. I wouldnt be doing him any favours in the future.

Former Member

I agree with the others... if you do love your dad though, then let him know that you do but you refuse to go.
Let this lady die and rot like she deserves, without your tears.

Former Member

You are absolutely justified Sel. I think youre being really laidback and lenient about it all, and If it were me, i wouldt have anything to do with either of them.
Just because he inseminated your mother, shouldnt give him the right to be titled as your dad.
What a bastard.