when the butterflies in your relationship have gone

Former Member

i was just interested to hear how long it's been with different couples untill the butterflies went in your relationship? like,you know, that initial feeling when you always have that excitement and buzz. ive been going out with my girlfriend for nearly 11 months, and i would say the exteme excitement went after about 4 months. after that, things have still been great, we have found ways to keep excited about each other and doing really sweet things for each other. it's maybe only been the past month or so that iv begun to notice things getting slightly less exciting. the frustrating thing i think for me is that i feel exactly the same as the day i first met her, and i would be prepared to show my excitement all the time, its just a lot of the time i dont get it back from her and i feel that there is no point in being all excited if im not getting anything back. i would just be interested to see what other peoples views and experiences are on this sort of thing. for example, has anyone here had the same problem but is still goin strong with their partner even though that buzz has gone?

Former Member

Try seeing each other less often, if you go from seeing each other every day to having a week apart you will get some excitment back in the anticipation.

Former Member

I've had the same thing, i've been with my boyfriend for 10months, it was great to start with, the butterflies and all that, it started going after 6 months, we do the sweet little things too but now it just feels like a habit, i am so confused!! Help!

Former Member

I got that with one of my exes... we were together for 2 years but I should have ended it after the first. The second year, I'd fallen out of love with her, she was starting to let herself go and it was just getting so boring... I was only staying with her for the sake of it and because I didn't know anything else at the time.

Former Member

I only ever used to get butterflies because i was nervous about seeing him! However 2 and a half years on i still sit in the window waiting for him to pull into the drive every now and then

Former Member

squeal wrote: »

However 2 and a half years on i still sit in the window waiting for him to pull into the drive every now and then

Aw, that's dead cute!

Former Member

I think at the start of a relationship both of you always have butterflies, which is why you remember those times really fondly.

The key is not taking each other for granted.

Former Member

Im not sure about butterflies, when they went or even if they ever did. Im still always excited to see him and theres still lots of passion, which isnt bad considering he works from home and im home all day too with the baby.

Former Member

thanks for your advice and experiences everyone! i know i love her, im not bored of her and i know it happens to everyone so i feel slightly better now! as long as we both still make each other happy, it's all good!

Former Member

A lot of its biology- when you first go out, you have lots of sex because you don't know when you'll be able to procreate again, but when everything settles down different chemicals come into play and you start nesting.

It gets bad when you spend a Sunday afternoon painting the rendering on the outside of the house, and it gets worse when you start enjoying it...

Former Member

I still get butterflies after 26 months

They were never really frequent anyway, so nothing's changed there. Only thing I think has changed is that we spend less time doing couply things, like going out for a meal, or coffee, or to the cinema. Partly money issues though.

Former Member

Kermit wrote: »

It gets bad when you spend a Sunday afternoon painting the rendering on the outside of the house, and it gets worse when you start enjoying it...

Thats just as biological though isnt it. Building a home together. When you dont enjoy nesting and building a home and a life together, then its time to wonder if its really a long term thing.

Former Member

Yeah, its all about nesting after a while, preparing a nice place to raise children. I think that is even more emotionally fulfilling than the horny honeymoon, because it means there's a deep bond there, not just carnal.

Former Member

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Former Member

Kermit wrote: »

A lot of its biology- when you first go out, you have lots of sex because you don't know when you'll be able to procreate again, but when everything settles down different chemicals come into play and you start nesting.

funny thing is, when we first started seeing each other, we had sex maybe only bout once every two weeks or so, it didnt really bother us. now, we do it nearly every time we see each other, which is a bit strange dont u think.

Former Member

Kermit wrote: »

Yeah, its all about nesting after a while, preparing a nice place to raise children. I think that is even more emotionally fulfilling than the horny honeymoon, because it means there's a deep bond there, not just carnal.

All this nesting makes me think of us as little birds, is it just me?

Former Member

girl with sharp teeth wrote: »

I never ever thought I'd get you to admit that you find DIY emotionally fulfilling

Christ, he has no excuse not to do it now. Fool...

Former Member

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 7 months now and I gotta say, that if we didn't live together, we would never see eachother because of our job schedules. But eveytime I call him, say hello, or kiss him, I know that the butterflies are still there.

Former Member

I see my bf everyday as I work down the road from him and I stay at his place every night. Last week we spent two nights apart as I had the flu and didn't want to get him sick and when we did see each other again it was really sweet. He'd run in from the kitchen and give me a hug every 5 mins and say how much he missed me. We've been together for 6 months and sometimes the butterflies have gone but we still love each other very deeply.

Former Member

My butterflies are still there. They're maybe not as strong as they were ten months ago (god, time flies...), but they are there. Then again I only see him once a week, so during the week I miss him like madness and then at weekends I get to jump on him and things.

Yeh.

Former Member

i think its important to maybe see each other slightly less and to vary the things u do with each other. that certainly seems to have helped me a lot!

Former Member

Man Of Kent wrote: »

Christ, he has no excuse not to do it now. Fool...

It's a blessed respite from the constant nagging.

Former Member

Kermit wrote: »

It's a blessed respite from the constant nagging.

:chin:

Former Member

with my ex husband, the butterflies went after about 6 months but we still got married 2 years later and only finally split up after nearly 8 years! and most of the time we were pretty happy, although you could argue that i should have finished it after the 6 month mark.
I was determined not to get into the same situation again. New relationship, the butterflies lasted nearly 2 years because we were living 100 miles apart!!! Once he moved in, a few months on it was all routine. We're still together and quite happy, but i can't say it's exciting or passionate. I'm not sure if everyone is capable of being "excited" for ever (don't think i am!!!) so then you have to decide, chuck out a good relationship once the thrill goes and start all over again, or hang in there and work on what you have? Past a certain age, my guess is that the starting over thing will get less and less appealing!