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Am i been out of order
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been with my b/f about 18 months and when we moved in together last year we decided that cos we saw so much of eachother it would be a good idea if went out with our own groups of mates seperately at the weekends.
This was fine and has worked well for the last few months but now im starting to feel like he doesnt wana go out with me at all. i asked him the other night if we could go out next week as we havet been out together in months, he just got really annoyed with me and said No because,
1st Excuse: I dance too flirty and he hates watching other blokes looking at me.
2nd Excuse: The last time we went out we had a fight and he doesnt wana fight with me (this was 6 months ago).
3rd Excuse: He doesnt wana go to town cos he'l spend too much money
This has annoyed me soo much cos i feel like im good enough for him to sleep with me and go local pub etc but not good enough for him to come out and have a proper night with. Am i just been silly or is this out of order. Any advice?
This was fine and has worked well for the last few months but now im starting to feel like he doesnt wana go out with me at all. i asked him the other night if we could go out next week as we havet been out together in months, he just got really annoyed with me and said No because,
1st Excuse: I dance too flirty and he hates watching other blokes looking at me.
2nd Excuse: The last time we went out we had a fight and he doesnt wana fight with me (this was 6 months ago).
3rd Excuse: He doesnt wana go to town cos he'l spend too much money
This has annoyed me soo much cos i feel like im good enough for him to sleep with me and go local pub etc but not good enough for him to come out and have a proper night with. Am i just been silly or is this out of order. Any advice?
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She wants to go out with her boyfriend, I can't see the 'why' in there...
I dont mind us going out seperately cos i love been out with the girls, its just it'd be nice for us to go out occasionally together..
And the fact that he got so annoyed and completely dismissed the idea of us going out is pissing me off..
I dont wana start going out with him again every weekend but every now and again would be nice.
And i did try and talk to him but he just refused point blank to even consider it.
I've already tried this.. tried talking to him tonight, and he asked why i wanted to go out with him, when i said i just thought it would be nice for us to have a night out cos we havent been out in ages and he just said No..
I ended up getting so annoyed again, that i told him theres no point of us even been with each other if we cant even have a night out togther, and he just said i was been silly to get so annoyed over it, i know it is stupid but i just cant understand why he wont even consider it.
You need to reassure him!
I know and it does drive him mad, so i even said we wouldnt go clubbing if he didnt want, that we could just get something to eat and go the pub..
And still this didnt suit him, i just feel that i shouldnt have to be tryna coax him out he should wana come out with me without me having to beg.
:yes: I don't think you're being unreasonable in your request at all, neither do I think it is unreasonable for you to question whether or not the relationship is right if he doesn't want to go out for the night with you. It sounds like he is being lazy and taking you for granted. From what I can gather it's not like you are expecting him to pay for a night out - you would split the cost right? So perhaps try this suggestion again
And or ask him if there's anything he would really like to do.
If you still feel like getting him out with you is like getting blood from a stone, then without getting angry, gently tell him that you feel really upset about it and that you feel he is taking you for granted (assuming that is how you feel). Explain that you've tried to meet him in the middle and try and encourage him to be honest about why he's refusing to budge.
If you don't feel content with the outcome, you could perhaps consider going away for a few days. It might give both of you a chance to think about what you really want and work out if you are both happy with the way your relationship is going.
You are acknowledging that going clubbing with you makes him upset, so he should acknowledge that him not going out with you at all makes you upset - bit of give and take eh
*hugs*
I explained to mine how important it was to me that we did go out together occassionally, not always, and that he didn't want to do this or include me in the stuff he does with his friends made me feel very rejected and like he was ashamed to have me around. I don't think he had realised how upset it made me, and he's now promised to include me once in a while.
It sounds like you've already been very honest with your man about how you feel about this, but if you haven't, maybe try explaining exactly how you feel. He might be like mine, and just not really have thought about how much this could be affecting you.
I don't really have any other advice than that, but if you work out what the problem is, gimme a shout!
My husband never used to take me out no matter how much I wanted him to, and I would beg and plead and every now and again he would come out, he would sulk and ruin the evening and it got to the point where I didnt want to go out with him, and we drifted apart because we just didnt connect in the way we should.
Its good not to be dependant on each other for everything but its also good to spend special one on one time where you re connect and bond.
I told him i'd leave him to think about it and that i had said all i was gona say on the subject, that it was up to him now to decide what he wanted to do and we'd talk about it today.. He agreed to do this but today he's just ignored it and went to bed early as he's had a long day working..
So i feel like i've gotten my answer, although he says he doesnt want us to break up, he's not exactly making any efforts either and it seems like he's not really bothered weather we break up or not, so im just gona leave it till friday night when we are both home and tel him then that i want to finish it..
Thanks guys for all your advice..
I'd imagine you wouldnt be too please which is exactly why he doesnt want to go on a night out with you.
That has never happened though, yeah i might get fella's chatting to me but although im friendly i always stay with him, he just hates other fella's looking at me..
And i've already told him it'd be fine if we didnt go clubbing, i dont really care where we go i just really wanted us to go out and have fun together.
Had the same problem with my ex which is why i never liked going to town with her at night either.
It didnt mean i didnt want to spend time with her though, try asking him to do something different - maybe a meal or the cinema?
Have already suggested a meal and he still said No, so it just seems like he doesnt wana do anything with me.
If he doesnt want to go out with you anywhere, thats a pretty clear statement to me, especially since youve made it clear how much it means to you.
Didnt wana have to resort to playing games, but maybe your right, i will give it a try tomor and see what happens if he says nothing then thats it he obviousally doesnt care, thanks icey
He might have something planned for that weekend or he might be making a point that you can't click your fingers and get your own way.
Let it go and try going out on another night. You girls can't have it all your own way!
Anyway, I'd have words. All well and good making time for mates too, but I don't think they should be a constant priority over his girlfriend if you ask me.
crap excuse IMO
if he was that bothered about her getting chatted up, he would WANT to go out with her, not the other way round
That's what I would have thought as well - and on top of that would possibly have enjoyed being there showing other people she is his girlfriend and not available!!!
The fact that he is being so inflexible with not accepting any of your suggestions really doesn't bode well... it's one thing to not enjoy clubbing with your partner but when it comes down to not wanting to go for meals/cinema/anything couply then it sounds like your flogging a dead donkey!
As for playing games - I wouldn't go there if I were you but it is your decision...
If you like/love/trust someone then you know deep down in your heart that there not going to cheat on you BUT that doesn't stop the arguments when the beers being flowing and you see a lad trying to get it on with your woman!! Sometimes its easier not being there, you know lads might be chatting up your lass, you know she might be dancing a bit sexily with someone but your not there to see it so you can put it to the back of your mind and basically forget about it!!
Also something girls don't seem to understand, when a lad flirts with a lass the lass is thinking its just a bit of fun, when a lass flirts with a lad the lad is thinking "she wants to fuck me", sad I know but true!!