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Patching things up/ closure
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, I reckon this is the longest post I’ve ever written, sorry it’s an essay, you’ve been warned!
I have had the same person on my mind for ages now, and am running out of ideas as to how to forget about him.
In my first year of uni (now I’m third year) I went out with someone I thought was the ideal person for me for about 3 months. I met him unexpectedly in the union, and he was the one who approached me, asked me out properly etc. Then as soon as I did start to like him a lot, and he said he felt the same, the whole truth came out about him still having feelings for his ex gf, so we split up. One day he was in my life, the next day he’d just dropped out of it.
After that we just used to run into each other around campus occasionally, and want to talk so had brief conversations, but they were always awkward and I always used to end up in tears after, because seeing him made me realise how much I still liked him. He was the first person I slept with, and in the meantime I have slept with other people, gone out on dates etc and tried to move on, but have not felt as much for anyone else as I did for him.
Now he finishes uni this year, whereas I went abroad so have a year left. A case of out of sight, out of mind this year, yeh, but now many friends I started with at uni are graduating, and knowing I will never see many of them again makes it all so final. I doubt I will see the ex again either, but just feel sad and disappointed that we have never made up, ended up being friends or even talked about what happened, even though so much time has passed.
I never thought such a short relationship would hit me this hard, and the more time that passes without the memory going away, the worse I feel, thinking why haven’t I got over it by now? I don’t see him or speak to him anymore (although I have his email address), I occupy my time with other activities, but it is a topic always lurking at the back of my mind. I just want to shout at myself ‘get your ass in gear, GET OVER IT,’ but it’s not so simple.
I am wondering whether it is worth trying to patch things up now, since uni is ending. Part of me thinks it’s not worth it; he already has a new gf and I don’t want to go dragging up the past. If I were him, would I want an ex trying to talk to me now about something practically irrelevant that happened ages ago, or would it be nice to hear from her? Yet something still feels unresolved and unfinished, and I think I might be happier if we ended up talking, just once.
So my question to you is, is it worth bothering to get in contact, or should I just let it go and forget about the whole saga completely? How do you personally go about finding closure?
Answers and any other comments/advice welcome.
I have had the same person on my mind for ages now, and am running out of ideas as to how to forget about him.
In my first year of uni (now I’m third year) I went out with someone I thought was the ideal person for me for about 3 months. I met him unexpectedly in the union, and he was the one who approached me, asked me out properly etc. Then as soon as I did start to like him a lot, and he said he felt the same, the whole truth came out about him still having feelings for his ex gf, so we split up. One day he was in my life, the next day he’d just dropped out of it.
After that we just used to run into each other around campus occasionally, and want to talk so had brief conversations, but they were always awkward and I always used to end up in tears after, because seeing him made me realise how much I still liked him. He was the first person I slept with, and in the meantime I have slept with other people, gone out on dates etc and tried to move on, but have not felt as much for anyone else as I did for him.
Now he finishes uni this year, whereas I went abroad so have a year left. A case of out of sight, out of mind this year, yeh, but now many friends I started with at uni are graduating, and knowing I will never see many of them again makes it all so final. I doubt I will see the ex again either, but just feel sad and disappointed that we have never made up, ended up being friends or even talked about what happened, even though so much time has passed.
I never thought such a short relationship would hit me this hard, and the more time that passes without the memory going away, the worse I feel, thinking why haven’t I got over it by now? I don’t see him or speak to him anymore (although I have his email address), I occupy my time with other activities, but it is a topic always lurking at the back of my mind. I just want to shout at myself ‘get your ass in gear, GET OVER IT,’ but it’s not so simple.
I am wondering whether it is worth trying to patch things up now, since uni is ending. Part of me thinks it’s not worth it; he already has a new gf and I don’t want to go dragging up the past. If I were him, would I want an ex trying to talk to me now about something practically irrelevant that happened ages ago, or would it be nice to hear from her? Yet something still feels unresolved and unfinished, and I think I might be happier if we ended up talking, just once.
So my question to you is, is it worth bothering to get in contact, or should I just let it go and forget about the whole saga completely? How do you personally go about finding closure?
Answers and any other comments/advice welcome.
0
Comments
Saying that, I'm the absolute worst person to ask about closure. Every time I speak to my ex we always try and be friends but one of us usually convicnes the other to give it another go, so it goes round in circles.
i suggest you send him a quick email as well, nothing too meaningful, and see if/how he replies. if he replies, good on him, that may help break the ice a bit and give you some direction.
be prepared for the worst though, and remember, you will be able to heal through time, and if you want to just get over him, the less time you spend with him the better. i know it's painful, but that's what works out best in the long term, rather than acting on your emotions.
hope ive helped at all