sex with a partner you don't fancy anymore

Former Member

Hi all i'm new here and have a big problem, any help appriciated. i have bn with my husband for 6years and it's now at the point where i just don't fancy him anymore. it's bn like this for about a year. we do have sex sometimes but i think of men i do find attractive. we had had other problems that we have always worked through but this one seams to be going on and on. i think of him as more of a mate than a lover! and if i'm being honest that sexual chemistry as never really bn there like it has with other men in the past. i hate that i feel this why as the guilt is overwhelming but it's now at the point where i know i will end up cheating on him as everywhere i go i'm looking at men! the problem is i am a attractive young women and do get attention. please help if anyone has been in the same situation or not any advice welcome!

Former Member

Reading this all I get is a sense of selfishness. It's all about you, how attractive you are, how he's not sexy enough for you anymore (and never was) and how "i know i will end up cheating on him" which makes it sound like you have already decided what you are going to do.

At no point in this have you commented on what you are doing to help your relationship with your husband. It's almost like you have given up on him and he deserves better than this.

Your married, don't those vows mean anything to you?

NB I've been married now for nearly 15 years. We've had rough times but you don't just give up. Not if you really love him. Besides what makes you think that the grass is greener elsewhere?

Former Member

Are you asking if you should carry on having sex with your husband even tho you do not fancy him any longer?

Either break up with him and both move on with your lives. It'll hurt but least you'll be honest with yourself and to him, surely he is entitled to that much!?

Or if you do not want to break up for whatever reason (financial etc) try talk him into an open relationship. It'll mean your selfish needs get satisfied and he's free to go with woman who might actually fancy him!:p

Former Member

if you dont fancy him any more then unless hes up for an open relationship i reckon you two should call it a day as you would probably end up having an affair any way.

**helen**

Hi lynne,
It sounds like you are going through a confusing time - you like your partner and you're married, so maybe it feels like you should stay together for those reasons. At the same time you feel as those your sex life has hit a brick wall and other men seem more appealing. This leaves you with some tough choices to make.

You could ask yourself if you can pin point when/why you stopped finding your husband sexually attractive - is there a way to get those feelings back?

Do you still go out on dates?
Do you spend time having intimate conversations?
Do you go on holidays?
Have you considered couples counselling?

Finally, it's important to consider whether or not things are over. Take a look at this article If you honestly believe that your relationship is past saving then the most important thing will be to openly and honestly tell your husband before you venture into new relationships - this isn't just for your husband, but also your own mental wellbeing.

Take care.

Former Member

Man Of Kent wrote: »

Reading this all I get is a sense of selfishness. It's all about you, how attractive you are, how he's not sexy enough for you anymore (and never was) and how "i know i will end up cheating on him" which makes it sound like you have already decided what you are going to do.

At no point in this have you commented on what you are doing to help your relationship with your husband. It's almost like you have given up on him and he deserves better than this.

Your married, don't those vows mean anything to you?

NB I've been married now for nearly 15 years. We've had rough times but you don't just give up. Not if you really love him. Besides what makes you think that the grass is greener elsewhere?

well said. congrats on ur 15 years btw. people give up far too easily now.
do u have any children?that really throws a spanner in the works nah they're great.think of the things u did when u were dating and do them again!! what would he like u to do??

Former Member

Harmless wrote: »

Are you asking if you should carry on having sex with your husband even tho you do not fancy him any longer?

Either break up with him and both move on with your lives. It'll hurt but least you'll be honest with yourself and to him, surely he is entitled to that much!?

Or if you do not want to break up for whatever reason (financial etc) try talk him into an open relationship. It'll mean your selfish needs get satisfied and he's free to go with woman who might actually fancy him!:p

wtf are u talking about? don't marriage vows mean anything anymore???
my nans sisters grandson just split up with his wife, they have a baby and they're still paying for the wedding!!!

Former Member

Please stop bringing up old threads...it's kinda annoying

Former Member

I don't see what all the hate is in this thread about.

You can't help it if you don't fancy someone as much you fancy others!! And you can't just enjoy sex with them because you took vows :rolleyes: