Worrying about people dying

Bunnie

I have been inspired by the thread in Anything Goes. I however, do not worry about myself dying so much, just more those close to me.

I have put this in health as I would say it is a problem in my head, as it is boardering on obsessive sometimes.

I have kept this mainly to myself because I know it is a bit odd. I have no idea where it came from but I remember being about 13 on holiday, when my mum, step dad and brother had gone out for the day. The first thought that came into my head was, 'Oh my God, if they die while they are out, what will I do?' however, a more normal response would surely have been 'Wooo I am on my own, what havoc can I cause?'

It is continued all my life, and tbh it is starting to piss me off due to its controlling nature. I worry when my dad is 20 mins late home from work because I think there must have been an accident, I check the traffic reports when my boyfriend is driving down to see me so I know there has been no accidents, and therefore is ok. I worry when my friends stay out in town after I have gone home, I think they will get in a fight and that will be that.

It is so bad that when my boyfriend once went out with his mates he forgot to call when he got home (possibly due to the wasted state of him ) and I couldnt sleep a wink. He had about 50 missed calls and numerous texts asking him to call me. Luckily he knows what I am like so it isn't too bad on that part.

But I worry when I have children what I will be like, will I ever dare leave their side? What if they stop breathing when they are asleep? What could I do to prevent it?

It is not as though I have experienced loads of people dying. In my life I have only had a handful of deaths, for which I am grateful for, but then I feel I may perhaps 'jinx' myself soon.

I dont really know what I am asking for here. Perhaps if you know someone who used to be like me and sorted themselves out? If you think counselling would work (last option) if you are like this? Or if I am just a barmy nutter!?

Sorry for the babble

Former Member

I have similar thoughts

my dad died a few years ago and now i am obsessed with my mum dying

she isnt good on her feet and when she goes out i am constantly worrying, i worry if i cant hear her snoring at night, worry if she dosnt answer the phone right away

AND i am convinced i will be murdered..

not really helpful, but thought i'd share lol

Bunnie

No it is helpful babe, because now I know it isn't just me. I do the whole 'snoring' thing too.

But without sounding a tad blunt, I would say in your situation it is understandable as your dad died - I assume quite young. The only person who I know who has died young have been friends in car crashes. But this all started before any of them died.

Former Member

yeah suppose i get ya, i didnt really think about people dying until my dad died

but i think it's normal anyways, you care about people which means you worry about them

and i do the same thing when my fella dont ring when he is supposed to haha

Former Member

I'm a bit concerned about this at the moment. I worry with moving away that someone might die and I won't get the chance to say goodbye or whatever. I think it's related to separation anxiety for me, I've always felt like this, especially about my mum for some reason. It's also related to a feeling of utter helplessness that - eventually - you just have to embrace and realise that there's nothing you can do. It's shit, but that's life.

Maybe your imminent move up north is bringing some of this to the surface (more so than usual)? I can imagine why it might. I can relate.

I get what you mean about traffic reports, leaving friends in town etc. But it's not doing anyone any good to fret about these things. Basically that's down to your [too] caring nature, and while it's a good thing to worry about the welfare of others you really have to trust that they can and will take care of themselves! You say you don't worry about yourself in the same way, well I'm sure they wouldn't want you worrying yourself sick over them

As for children, it doesn't bear thinking about, but you will cross that bridge of sheer panic and worry when you come to it Lots of - most, even - parents feel that panicked feeling about cotdeath and the fragile nature of babies' lives but they are more resilient than you give them credit for. You'll also probably come 'round to a way of positive thinking, I was convinced my girls weren't going to make it but they did. Most babies grow up healthily and don't stop breathing in the night, it's just so easy to hear of one example of this happening and suddenly think it's something you'd have to constantly watch out for and something that you can prevent.

You're never going to change your worrywart ways, but that's not entirely a bad thing. You care, and that's good, you just need to keep telling yourself that the chances of these bad things happening to your loved ones are slim. But that when death does come to people that it's not something you can change by wrapping them in cotton wool. Keep focused on life, because thoughts of death really can be all-consuming.

Former Member

Sometimes I get this. Especially when either my mum or dad don't come home from the pub till 4 or 5 and I know the pubs are closed. Keep thinking they get knocked down or fall somewhere. Other than that, it's grand.

Bunnie

Thank you Briggi, you nearly made me cry, but thank you!

I think I will bookmark this, because I think that is what I need to hear when I get into one of my ways.

I know people dont want me worrying about them, and a lot of my friends think I am a tad (well more than usual) barmy when I explain why they need to call or text me as soon as they're home.

I just wish I could harden up a little, and not have these things running around in my head. I know they are not good for me, and I know I need to calm it down. But I think that is something I am going to have to do for myself in someway. And children should perhaps not be on the agenda until I have done that

Former Member

my sister and brother in law died a few years ago and now i get really panicky sometimes especially if i phone someone and they dont answer i start getting really scared that theyve had an accident, or if one of my family is late home from work and i dont know why i cant phone them because if i try to phone and they dont answer i start going crazy, obviously the not phoning isnt a good idea either as it does nothing to calm the paic. also when my boyfriend goes home after visiting me for the weekend i get really worried if he doesnt phone when he gets home. its been getting a bit better recently, i suppose because mine was started by my sister dying and thats not as recent as painful as it was.
if its something thats been bothering you for a long time counselling might help, it can only be a good thing for it to go away maybe not completely but a little