Counsellor

Former Member

hey

as some of you may know I see a counsellor for self harm and a few other things. I'm approaching my final session with her due to leaving college and her being through there and although I'm really quite glad about this I'm also scared about going it alone. As I'm off to uni in september she is giving me a referal letter for there so if i need help then i'm covered but i need to tell her what to put in it. Any ideas?

Sorry if i should have just added this into the Depression and self harm thread

Former Member

You're always welcome to start your own thread about an issue Hyper, don't worry about that.

It's obviously going to be a pretty scary thing to move on, but hopefully that shows that the counselling is also helping. As to the letter I imagine she's asking you to help write it so you can define some of the issues you'll want to cover with the new counsellor, and as a useful exercise in letting you think about your situation.

So I'd say be honest and open, and just put in what you think will help you continue to deal with the main factors you might have been addressing so far.

Former Member

Jim V wrote: »

You're always welcome to start your own thread about an issue Hyper, don't worry about that.

It's obviously going to be a pretty scary thing to move on, but hopefully that shows that the counselling is also helping. As to the letter I imagine she's asking you to help write it so you can define some of the issues you'll want to cover with the new counsellor, and as a useful exercise in letting you think about your situation.

So I'd say be honest and open, and just put in what you think will help you continue to deal with the main factors you might have been addressing so far.

I think she wants me to think whether i want to mention whats happened in my past and the reasons behind my self harm but at the moment they are too painful to think about as heading down again

I dunno just too many feelings going through my head as really scared bout being without her though i've always avoided the appointments anyway

sorry everyone

Former Member

I got a very to-the-point letter saying

"**** has suffered from chronic depression, manifesting as bulimia and self-harm. If she presents with these symptoms don't be surprised"

Something like that...

I don't think it needs to be too detailed, I was happier talking it through again than wondering how it had been expressed by someone else.

Former Member

i dont know-i dont want to go through some of it again even though its major thing cos its all to do with emotional abuse and stuff but yeah

sorry

Former Member

Don't say sorry, everyone has different preferences

I found it hard to go through again, I admit.

Former Member

i think i just feel stupid and i said to her i just didnt know and i think at the moment everything seems so much harder-like theres too much to deal with cos i have to fill out health form for uni as well and have to decide what i put on there as well

sorry for being a pain

Former Member

You're not being a pain.

My experience with uni forms is that you have to give them some evidence and they give a letter to your tutors (if needed) saying "**** has a health problem and will need [insert form of help, e.g. to miss lectures sometimes]"

Former Member

well the my college been in contact with uni and they said it up to me but they want me too so they can set up counsellors and mentors from the start even though im not worth all that

Former Member

From my point of view, things would have been much smoother if I'd owned up from day 1.

I understnad what you're saying, it feels like a lot of fuss over nothing, but it will probably be what keeps you in uni if things get rough.

If you can bear it, it's so worth doing. The pros to my mind outweight the cons manifold.

Former Member

i know i should be honest and having the support would be good but dont want to appear weak or anything even though i know i am anyway

Former Member

Actually, it's much harder ot ask for support than to struggle on and hope it works out, so it's a very strong thing to do.

Hope you manage to work it out. xx`

Former Member

Letter to the university can be rather vague, what is relevant is how your mental health problems will affect your work and what they can do to help. They don't need to know the finer detail or about past issues.

Letter to future counsellors or someone else providing some type of therapy could have more detail if you want, if you feel you will be discussing painful past events with them a some point in the future sometimes a letter from your old counsellor will make it easier to bring it up again as saying it for the first time is usually the worst thing.

Former Member

hyper person wrote: »

I'm also scared about going it alone.

its always a bad idea to get dependent on people where you feel you need them to cope.

Former Member

otter wrote: »

its always a bad idea to get dependent on people where you feel you need them to cope.

:yes: *wishes she knew this before*

Former Member

Sofie wrote: »

:yes: *wishes she knew this before*

actually it is bad counselling when that happens. its happened to me before and properly fucked my head right up. its not at all what counselling is supposed to be about - its supposed to be about exploring you and your problems, developing yourself and becoming increasingly more independant and better able to cope with your problems on your own. counsellors who encourage clients/patients to become dependent on them are not maintaining boundaries with their clients/patients and are causing more psychological harm by doing so. making them themselves a crap counsellor. even if you have some dependency needs or transference going on, it should be properly looked at and explored in counselling and not allowed to persist. if you feel you can't cope without seeing a counsellor then you are dependent on them and you are fucked.
and tbh if i were you (to the original OP) i wouldn't seek more counselling if you're feeling like you cannot cope without it - where will it end?! try going it alone. counselling is a crutch in a crisis, its not a wheelchair for life!

Former Member

I dont think i'm dependent seeing as i try and miss the appointments if i can get away with it i just think it helped knowing it was there

anyway not sure what i'm going to do bout letter

sorry

Former Member

hyper, you really don't need to feel sorry for asking for advice in a situation - it's what this website, indeed this whole charity is for - it's great you're asking for help, and not a problem in any way.

As to the letter, can you get some information from your counsellor about what kind of thing she was suggesting to include or what other clients have written before?

Former Member

Jim V wrote: »

hyper, you really don't need to feel sorry for asking for advice in a situation - it's what this website, indeed this whole charity is for - it's great you're asking for help, and not a problem in any way.

As to the letter, can you get some information from your counsellor about what kind of thing she was suggesting to include or what other clients have written before?

i dont know-she said she wants me pretty much to tell her what i want in it and thats the reason for the final appointment-i just dont know what to suggest

feel so stupid

Former Member

she's asking you what to put because she has to maintain confidentiality so it comes down to you what you want her to say as she won't say any more or less than you tell her to.
do you want her to include:
about whatever your problem is?
and in how much detail?
what support you've got/already accessed?
or do you just want a referral and no more?

Former Member

yeah i know i should have some idea

so stuffed its tomorrow

Former Member

unless you specifically want something written, there is not much point in the letter if you don't

Former Member

what i'm saying is its not like it HAS to be written and you've got to search for things to put in it. if you had stuff to put in it, that you know you needed saying, then it needs to be written but as you can't think of anything, why bother?

Former Member

i know im useless-the letter is just incase-im sorry

Former Member

hyper person wrote: »

i know im useless-the letter is just incase-im sorry

incase of what?
if you go to uni you don't need a referral to see a counsellor, you just turn up
how do you know you'll need a counsellor then anyway?
if i were you, i'd see how you go and how you find things when you get there not go with the view of you're not going to be able to cope unless you have someone - you might go to uni and do just fine

Former Member

otter wrote: »

incase of what?
if you go to uni you don't need a referral to see a counsellor, you just turn up
how do you know you'll need a counsellor then anyway?
if i were you, i'd see how you go and how you find things when you get there not go with the view of you're not going to be able to cope unless you have someone - you might go to uni and do just fine

im only at the beginning of starting to sort out my self harm and only just starting to go through stuff but the stopping of counselling has been forced-i know i should be able to cope without someone i know im sorry

Former Member

hyper person wrote: »

im sorry

why, out of interest do you keep saying that?
i don't know you and you 'aint got nothing to be sorry about with me or on these boards.
do tell us how you get on tomorrow with the letter, if you do it. but till then try and stop worrying so much about it - it won't do you any good.:

Former Member

otter wrote: »

why, out of interest do you keep saying that?
i don't know you and you 'aint got nothing to be sorry about with me or on these boards.
do tell us how you get on tomorrow with the letter, if you do it. but till then try and stop worrying so much about it - it won't do you any good.:

its just me and the way i am

went this morning to see her and so am now officially counsellor free-feels kind of odd-she did the letter for me and well yeah i have it but dont think i'll use it so pointless exercise sorry

Former Member

it can be quite scary when you suddenly dont have someone there if you need them but you sound like i was. when i had a therapist-i didnt want to go. now i havent go one-i feel like i need someone!
i think its just my mind pissing itself off, so i just try and take each day at a time. i got through yesterday so i should be able to today aswell. ill worry about tomorrow later, and should the point arrive when i really cant keep going on my own then ill go back to my gp and sort something out again.

good luck.

Former Member

Thanks-just not coping at the moment as someone is now putting pressureon me to get rid of my blades-they say I'll never be better if i dont and at the moment as I've left my counsellor behind its not what i need to here-sorry anyway for the ramble-just scared to lose everything