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Bossy boyfriend/ Could it be more?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been seeing this guy for about 2 and a half months and he is so bossy! He is sometimes controlling. I am totally ok with how things are now but I'm wondering if it could be more than just him being bossy? like if he could actually get violent int he future.
* He always tells me to "be good" and "don't get into any trouble, like he doesn't trust me"
*If he calls me and I'm not home he gets kinda angry and always has to know where i am and what im doing
*When someone else calls me he has to know who it is.
*When I'm going down on him if i dont let him touch me or i do something to make him "upset" he forces me to gag on his D***(I don't mind, I like it : )
*He YELLED at me once because I wouldnt give him head while he was ont he phone with one of his employees.
So what do u all think? he says he's just being bossy, not to be mean thats just how he is. I dont mind that I'm just a little worried that he could change it up in the future? Please give me ur opinions.
One other thing:
*I'm 17 and hes 30 (I know I know EW! I dont wanna hear that)
* He always tells me to "be good" and "don't get into any trouble, like he doesn't trust me"
*If he calls me and I'm not home he gets kinda angry and always has to know where i am and what im doing
*When someone else calls me he has to know who it is.
*When I'm going down on him if i dont let him touch me or i do something to make him "upset" he forces me to gag on his D***(I don't mind, I like it : )
*He YELLED at me once because I wouldnt give him head while he was ont he phone with one of his employees.
So what do u all think? he says he's just being bossy, not to be mean thats just how he is. I dont mind that I'm just a little worried that he could change it up in the future? Please give me ur opinions.
One other thing:
*I'm 17 and hes 30 (I know I know EW! I dont wanna hear that)
0
Comments
Sorry but the age thing isn't relevant here. Control is and Sarah you need to get away from this man.
This isn't just about control, there's a hint of voilence in there too and TBH he's just not going to be worth it...
what does tbh mean?
And yeah, i agree that you should possibly get out of this one. he's already being controlling and possesive, and if you're worried about it getting worse then what's in it for you? x
It doesnt sound good to me at all.
psycho man.
Sorry, that's harsh, but I wouldn't put up with that kind of behaviour.
Based on what you've said, I wouldn't put it past him. I also wouldn't put it past him attempting to seperate you from all your friends first, wreck your self-esteem, and make you become reliant on him. Fuck him off while you've still got your self-confidence and find someone who's not a twat.
Some warning signs to look out for
However, I don't know too much about the whole dom/sub thing, so I'd strongly suggest looking for more specialised information - thesite does have a very good information section, but I don't know if there's anything there to cover this sort of thing.
Anyway, to answer your question: no, him behaving like this doesn't mean it will lead to non-consensual violence, but there may be an increased risk. I'd strongly suggest talking to him about the relationship, discussing what you both expect, how you say no, where the boundaries are and stuff. And how you will report him for assault without hesitation if he ever hurts you.
ETA: I'd be out of that relationship quicker than spit, but you have to make your own judgements
Chris Evans and Billie Piper were together for quite a while.
But my mate is in a relationship where he has turned 18 on tuesday, the other guy turned 35 a few weeks ago, splashes out on massively expensive gifts for him (designer sunglasses £180, new car, new clothes, holiday, etc.) and it just makes me think it's akin to grooming or something.
*shrugs* Live and let live though...
On to the original question, I think the relationship doesn't sound that healthy and if you're concerned about it turning violent perhaps discussing his behaviour could shed light on the issue. If he's understanding and realises that although you don't mind sometimes - like him pressing you down on him - that you don't want it to be a case of him taking advantage but a case of a mutally accepted and agreed thing.
Lol yeah cos those couples always announce the age gap publicly. Relationships with 30/17 age gap have lasted I'm sure!
But yeah I'll agree with you the likelihood of these two lasting is not great and part of the reason will be because of the age gap. But it's not doomed purely because of the gap, more because the guy in question is a crazy f*cking control freak. :crazyeyes
No doubt he can't handle birds he's own ages so takes it out on younger girls who he knows will take he's shit
To OP - have fun with him, let him buy you nice stuff etc. But don't allow him to control you completely else he'll destroy your confidence in yourself and men.
I didnt make apost about the same thing....it was different and I'm already wayyy past the other thing, this is a new thing and I guess everyone just thinks i should leave him...
:yes: I would rather be single than with someone like him...
To be honest, it seems to me you're trying to get people to tell you to leave him. Which suggests that you know this isn't right for you. I would guess you lack the self-confidence to go ahead and leave him, and want us to tell you what to do.
So here's my advice: Stick with him, he'll treat you like a doormat, maybe knock you around a bit, but he'll get bored and leave you, I'd guess within a year, perhaps two, so it'll all work out without you having to make a decision or stand up for yourself.
As for him forcing you to gag on his penis, forcing a woman to do anything sexual that she does not consent to is a form of rape. It is no excuse that you "like" doing this. You sound like someone with terribly low self-esteem. Get away from this nutter, and start meeting some real friends and some real men.
My ex started going out with another of his exes when he was 37 and she was 18 - and they stayed together for 3 years and were engaged; I don't think that's too bad going...
Obviously I can't comment on your bf hun, but I can on my ex.
When we started seeing each other last year, he was 43 and I'd just turned 23. We met through his work (he's a bus driver) and we were only together for 6 months, but he was quite controlling:
From the start, we were going out to the pub every Sunday without fail, with his friends - never mine; I barely saw my mates the whole time I was going out with Phil. When we were out he'd be ok for a while, then he'd suddenly 'dismiss' me - he'd just tell me to to go home and he'd be home later, and I'd be expected to go without any fuss.
He'd visit his mum 2-3 times a day, every day, and I was expected to go too. If I didn't want to, he'd make me feel like I was a horrible person for 'neglecting' his 74 year old mother. She'd also have to cook all our meals, which was a pain in the arse.
I couldn't go out without him at night - the only time I went out without him was with his 3 best mates, for 2 hours while he was at work (and that was only because he didn't know I was going; they saw me out in town and invited me out) - when he found out I'd been out with them he was suspicious, thought I'd cheated.
He had a woman that he'd exchange flirty texts with, have stay overnight(supposedly in seperate beds) whebnever I wasn't there, and one time he even texted her a msg saying he loved her and missed her - I was supposed to put up with it as she was 'just a friend', yet I couldn't talk to anyone. He even tried to get me to stop texting my male friend of 10 years, who lives 200 miles away!
Wherever he wanted to go; shops, pub, whatever...I had to go. He even got me coming on the bus with him most nights and I'm sure it was just so he knew exactly where I was all the time.
If we were in the pub or whatever, I couldn't talk to anyone men - if I did (even if it was one of his best mates), I'd get accused of cheating. I think in the 6 months we were together, I was accused of cheating with about 10 of his friends!
If I had a problem with something, I couldn't tell him or talk about it.
He acted like a complete dick and used to put me down (telling me to "shut up, stupid", and stuff like that), slept on the sofa and refused to share the bed with me, and even said some really inappropriate stuff in public - once at his mums he started talking about...well, lets just say he said I was a bit 'loose' down there - he said it to his mum, about me! I was mortified... he never saw a problem with what he said or did, and if I ever mentioned it he'd just say he wouldn't change, and none of his other exes ever had a problem with him.
He was always comparing me to his exes, and still does now we've split up.
Apparently, compared to me they were saints.
There's so much stuff, I could go on all day...the thing is though, I never saw any of it at the time. Don't get me wrong, I was happy with him a lot of the time, but I think I looked at the relationship through rose-tinted glasses and anytime we were good and getting on well, I'd forget all the bad stuff. There was a lot of bad stuff though...
A couple of things you said in your first post really set alarm bells ringing - oh and by the way, not saying your ex will turn violent, but mine did.
I went through his mobile once to find a mutual friend's number, and found the name 'Paula'. I asked him who it was and without flinching he said it was his sister and even said I'd meet her soon at some family party they were having...I spoke to his mum later who said there was no family party planned all year and he didn't have a sister called Paula.
When I asked him again later on, he went mental and grabbed my throat, pinned me down on the sofa and squeezed as hard as he could; he left me so shaken up that I went running over to his mum's in floods of tears (who ended up persuading me not to call the police).
After that, he found out it was his new favourite trick, and a guaranteed way to shut me up. Once I think he choked me half unconscious, because the room started pulsating and I was aware of everything, but just couldn't move or speak.
So yeah basically, this was a long-winded way of saying be careful.
I'd say talk to him, don't put up with any bull or controlling behaviour; tell him you don't like the way he treats you sometimes and see what he says. Hopefully he'll listen, apologise and change - if not, or if he says he won't change/you're the controlling one or tells you not to be silly, leave him.
ETA:
This is pretty much what happened with me and my ex. He left me after 6 months, ironically because I'd started to defend myself; when he grabbed my throat, I pulled his hair or slapped him. He said I was "too violent" and left. I really wish I'd been the one to leave ages before things got so bad.
Your young and probably won't be with him forever, i think you should be with someone closer to your own age (i know many realtionships work with a large age gap but i don't think this one is right) or at least someone who RESPECTS you and doesn't force you in to thing that you probably wouldn't do out of choice.
Good luck & leave him i think, you deserve so much better x
However, someone can only be beaten down so many times before they rise up in anger.
I suppose love is blind, my aunt used to get beaten up by her fella yet she still married him despite that, he then tried to kill her and got put in jail.
However when she met him he was in jail already for beating up his previous wife yet she still went to see him all the time in prison. It's beyond me why anyone would start a relationship with someone knowing that.
some of the things uve said arent right he shouldnt shout at u cus u wont give him head either talk to him about it or get rid cus u dont want be with some one who's dead controlling