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Thinking too much
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
im 24 and my girlfriend is 19. she lives 250 miles away while she is at uni.. but comes from the same town i do.. (long distance relationship). i travel at least for a few days every month to see her and vice versa, we do try to see each other at every occasion we get.
i love her to bits but i do think way too much.. everything she says or does i look way too much into it.. thinking she is up to something.
for example just last week i stayed at her flat for a week, for some reason i wanted to look through her old phone (you know just to check!). we had been going out since christmas day and i saw a message on her phone sent to her at 2 in the morning in march time, and it said " can i ring you now?". it was from a bloke called tom.. i left it a few days then decided to ask her about it. she said he is a friend, then i said why is he texting you at 2 in the morning? she said because she saw him out and wanted to say hi but he dissapeared so she text him.. she also confesses they had a bit of a thing at uni last year which didnt put my mind at ease but she assures me that it is nothing.
i got very paranoid thinking she had someone on the side.. i kept playing it over and over in my mind and the more i thought about it the more i was getting worked up about it. why wud she be that desperate to talk to someone that isnt that significant anymore and why want to chat at 2 in the morning.. questions, questions, questions i kept asking myself.
why cant i believe her?
we nearly broke up over it cos i was saying i dont trust her and to be fair she hasnt done nothing for me to distrust her and she is a wonderful caring girl.. i hate the fact that i get suspicious and paranoid with her.. i would love it if there was help available.. im insecure, jelous and paranoid but i dont want to be...
i love her to bits but i do think way too much.. everything she says or does i look way too much into it.. thinking she is up to something.
for example just last week i stayed at her flat for a week, for some reason i wanted to look through her old phone (you know just to check!). we had been going out since christmas day and i saw a message on her phone sent to her at 2 in the morning in march time, and it said " can i ring you now?". it was from a bloke called tom.. i left it a few days then decided to ask her about it. she said he is a friend, then i said why is he texting you at 2 in the morning? she said because she saw him out and wanted to say hi but he dissapeared so she text him.. she also confesses they had a bit of a thing at uni last year which didnt put my mind at ease but she assures me that it is nothing.
i got very paranoid thinking she had someone on the side.. i kept playing it over and over in my mind and the more i thought about it the more i was getting worked up about it. why wud she be that desperate to talk to someone that isnt that significant anymore and why want to chat at 2 in the morning.. questions, questions, questions i kept asking myself.
why cant i believe her?
we nearly broke up over it cos i was saying i dont trust her and to be fair she hasnt done nothing for me to distrust her and she is a wonderful caring girl.. i hate the fact that i get suspicious and paranoid with her.. i would love it if there was help available.. im insecure, jelous and paranoid but i dont want to be...
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Comments
Works for me.
am I the only one that thinks your way over reacting? She hasn't done anything to betray your trust by the sound of it, yet your the one breaking hers by going through her things without even asking.
People have drunken phone calls at silly times in the morning when they have been out.. it doesn't mean anything at all!
If you don't trust her and there is a distance like that then I don't think there is much hope for the relationship really.
The main problem is that whilst that person is off having fun, the other is left with their own routine, their job, their old friends etc... it does leave time for thinking.
As Namaste said... keep yourself busy... take up a new hobby - make sure that when you speak on the phone at night you both have things to tell each other...
It isn't an easy situation to be in, I know, I've been there too - you have to be careful not to make her feel guilty for her being away though which is what will happen if your not careful. Look forward to when you can be together again and make plans for your future, this will give you both confidence that the relationship will get past this distance blip!
Thinking, yes. Thinking that the other person is cheating on you, no. I'm sorry but long distance or not, trusting someone is a separate issue in my opinion.
When my boyfriend is out on a night and I'm stuck at home working hundreds of miles away I don't stop thinking about him, but I'm thinking about how much I wish I could have nights out with him more often and how I miss him. I never ever think that he'd be cheating on me.
Trust is so important and infortunately if you choose to violate somebody's by spying on them then you have to be prepared to find things you don't want to see.
For all you know Tom could a relative of hers. Just because she has male numbers on her phone, doesn't mean there's something going on between them, does it?
Why are you with someone if you can't trust her over something silly like this?