why don't they want me?

Former Member

I am driving myself slightly crazy here…

In the last month, I have had 2 let’s call them…liaisons with 2 different guys…and after this I’ve tried calling them, and both have got other people to tell me that they don’t want to talk to me any more…

I’ve done a lot of deep thinking, and I now know, with my dyslexia, that I do have a lot of problems relating to other people and that I need people to be blunt with me and tell me exactly how they are feeling about a certain situation, because I can’t take hints…

And thus, if someone doesn’t pick up the first or second time, or doesn’t reply to my text messages, I will just think that they have no credit or no signal or something…

And I will be the first to admit that I can be a little obsessive when it comes to matters of the heart, I’m a complete romantic, and I seem to think that everyone else that shows me any affection is too…

But I’m making myself very upset trying to work out what I’ve done wrong…
Am I too intense? Do guys just see me as a piece of meat to temporally please them? Do guys think I’m completely over the top and incredibly obsessive?

I actually don’t know how anyone is going to be able to give me any kind of insight, but anything to soothe this aching heart (sorry, I should write mills and boon books for a living)

Former Member

Aw, well it really sucks when you want more than the other person. I guess in future you'd be better off finding out what they want from you before you do anything physical with someone that you would feel bad about if it was only casual. Happens to us all though, really, ok not the not getting a hint bit, but the bit about feeling hurt and confused a tad used- that I can relate too. *hugs*

Former Member

i didn't want more than 1 person! one person drops me like a sack of stones that was more than a month ago, and then over the week end an old friend starting making moves and has since asked me to stop calling...

nothing makes any sense any more...i'm starting to loose trust in men all together

Former Member

twisted_trinity wrote: »

I’ve done a lot of deep thinking, and I now know, with my dyslexia, that I do have a lot of problems relating to other people and that I need people to be blunt with me and tell me exactly how they are feeling about a certain situation, because I can’t take hints…

Hello - just trying to work out exactly how dyslexia causes the above? It's a condition that causes difficulty with reading or writing, not reading situations/other people...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyslexia

... are you referring solely to SMS based situations?



With regards to the blokes, you obviously caught a couple of bad ones... Just forget about them and be a bit more careful who you have liaisons with

Former Member

just starting? you're doing well then I think! lol

Former Member

g_angel007 wrote: »

Hello - just trying to work out exactly how dyslexia causes the above? It's a condition that causes difficulty with reading or writing, not reading situations/other people...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyslexia

... are you referring solely to SMS based situations?

maybe it's dsypraxia, or a bit of both?

Former Member

it's a bit of both, sorry i should have said that in the first place...trying to get my point across in a logical and understandable manner isn't always easy...see above!

i feel quite sad sometimes, very day i try to get the london paper, and look in the "I saw you in blah, and thought you were lovely" section, hoping that someone has decided that i was lovley and would like to meet up...never see anything even vaguely matching my description...maybe i am just the piece of meat, there to use and abuse

Former Member

you need to change that way of thinking about yourself, before you get stuck thinking that! You can't be someone bit of meat if you don't allow yourself to be. Wait til you have the level of commitment you're after before doing anything physical or getting emotionally involved with someone where they could leave you feel crappy and used.

Former Member

I'm pretty sure we've all been in this situation where a guy has used us for sex or they seem really interested and then all of a sudden go cold. It makes you question yourself, your attractiveness, your personality, the way men see you, the way you communicate with men, what they want from you. I think what you need to realise is there is nothing wrong with you - we all have rough times. You sound like a bit of a dreamer when it comes to love, you're always thinking about who you might meet next or hoping for someone.. Try to concentrate on other areas of your life and take the pressure off for a bit.

Former Member

i should really...

what gets be badly is both these people were reasonably good mates, one i would go as far as to say one of my best friends....i think thats why it hurts so much

Former Member

twisted_trinity wrote: »

i should really...

what gets be badly is both these people were reasonably good mates, one i would go as far as to say one of my best friends....i think thats why it hurts so much

That is a bit strange...

After you slept with them, did you barrage them with contact or anything that could make them want some distance?

Saying that, if they were actually mates, then that shouldn't matter and they're just a couple of wankers.

Former Member

the first one...maybe to an extent...the second...no definatly not...

i really fucking choose them don't i?

Former Member

twisted_trinity wrote: »

the first one...maybe to an extent...the second...no definatly not...

i really fucking choose them don't i?

That is a bit strange.

Also a good idea not to sleep with your friends - it can easily ruin things.

Former Member

It doesn't appear like you've explicitly done anything "wrong", as such. These blokes may have seen these "liaisons" as simply that. It's not for me to know what went on, but I suspect these guys weren't in it for the long term, if you catch my drift. Try to concentrate on other aspects of your life for a while.

Former Member

Hiya

When I last got ditched, a mate said to me that I should "teach people how to treat me by how I treat myself". At the time I thought that was callous, but reflecting on it since, I reckon shes right. If we have low self esteem (and lets face it, loadsof us do!), we arent going to be giving out the signals to be treated nicely, because often we dont treat outselves nicely (man, I hope that makes sense!!).


What say you? It doesnt stop rejection stinging, but it made me feel stronger in a way, because I need to take some resonsiblility for how I allow myself to be treated, because of the crappy way I treat myself.

Obviously, am trying hard to sort this now...

Former Member

if you've only just come out of a relationship then maybe you should just leave it for abit?

Former Member

twisted - I spent 7 months going through exactly what you did; except with 8 different guys, and I've come to realise that it was down to me simply being desperate to have someone to love and to love me back. A lot of the time you see what you want to see, and if there's a guy who's going to mess you around you simply don't notice the signals that tell you he's a knob.

Give yourself more time before getting involved with anyone; get to know them really well and as Lankygirl said, make sure they know that you're taking care of yourself. If they're worth it, they'll respect you for it.

I found myself an amazing guy by realising that not everyone is worth my time and my love, and that by me choosing who I want, rather than taking whoever might show a little interest, my heart is safe.

Hopeless romantics feel like they're wasting their time by being single because they have so much affection to give, but you've just got to find the balance between that and your own emotional safety.