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I SERIOUSLY need help with my self confidence
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm putting it here as I think it's most appropriate but feel free to move it if need be.
Basically- I have really bad issues about my self confidence and image, to the point where it's really interfering with my relationship with my boyfriend. I'm always thinking that he's looking at other women when he's not, and I'm always thinking he's comparing other women to me which he's also not doing. Things have come to a head today and really, if I don't sort myself out I'm going to be unable to stay in this relationship, which is the last thing I want. I really need to battle my demons and I don't know what to do. Please help.
Basically- I have really bad issues about my self confidence and image, to the point where it's really interfering with my relationship with my boyfriend. I'm always thinking that he's looking at other women when he's not, and I'm always thinking he's comparing other women to me which he's also not doing. Things have come to a head today and really, if I don't sort myself out I'm going to be unable to stay in this relationship, which is the last thing I want. I really need to battle my demons and I don't know what to do. Please help.
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my main issue is weight
when i met my fella i was tiny, really slim, about 7.5 stone...since then i've put on about 3 stone!
so i think if i shift it, i'll be ok again
but its never that easy i suppose...as soon as i slim down, i'll find something else to stress about
its me, its how i am and i dont think it'll ever change
Dammit I'm so screwy today I can't even type properly
"Love like you've never been hurt"
The fact that you said that is seriously freaky because I had those exact words tattoo'd on me a few years ago
I used to sometimes get like that. The minute you start thinking these things stamp them RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD paranoia (sp) isn't healthy.
Even if you do think these things confide in a mate as she should put you straight. My best friend was a godsend when i was in these situations she would just say, 'Sort it out stop being a paranoid mess he likes you no one else etc.'
Never, EVER mention to him things like:
'ooh do you think shes prettier than me'
'shes faarrr thinner than me'
'are my thighs fatter than hers?'
'i wish my arse was a small as hers'
because it will make you out to be whiny and will probably end up putting him off you and make him start to think, 'Actually shes right .. that birds arse IS smaller than hers' etc.
Good luck anyway and if you don't feel confidence fake it because boys wont be able to tell x
It's difficult but I try and deal with something as it arises - if I'm with him I try and put it out my head or tell myself I'll think about it later. Then I do think about it later and try to be logical.
And I ask my boyfriend for a bit of reassurance sometimes - in a long-term realtionship, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
If you come up with a good solution, let me know :thumb:
I think we might be quite similar. I have unresolved eating disorder stuff too and I worry about a lot of the same stuff as you've written.
I think body-wise you have to remember that people with current or past eating-disorders are likely to have an unrealistic view of their own body. For example I just found out that I weight 20lbs less than I thought I did. I'd been genuinely seeing myself as 20lbs heavier and judging myself like a woman of that size, when the reality was entirely different.
Secondly, beauty is subjective. You might hate your ass because you think it's chunky, but maybe it's your boyfriend's favourite part of you because your booty jiggles pretty. I learned to love mine because of the proper look of wonder on the boy's face whenever he saw/touched it. Compliments do wonders for my self-esteem, partly because it's nice to feel that someone really loves what your body is and partly because I trust other people's judgement of what my body actually looks like better than I do my own.
I understand feeling like your boyfriend is going to run off with some other woman, or find someone else more attractive than he finds you (and in my case, it's substantiated, but that's a different story). If your boyfriend didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be with you. If he didn't like you as a person, he wouldn't be with you and the same goes for how attractive he finds you. Maybe Girl A has nice tits or Girl B has a good ass, but if he preferred that to you, he'd go and chase that.
I understand finding it hard to believe that good stuff can happen to you and feeling like you're unworthy of the person you love, but you have to start believing in yourself. I think of it this way- the man I love is amazing and in my opinion, could be with anyone he wanted to. But he chose to be with me, and that must mean that there is something special about me. There is something about you, I don't know what it is, maybe your boyfriend couldn't put a finger on it either, but there is something about you. He is special (insert all adjectives you'd use to describe him here...) and he chose you. Start believing you are wonderful because your boyfriend does. Start trusting in his choice of girlfriend.
I'm not sure if this'll make proper sense, but I hope it helps a bit.
Love. x