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Partner too good looking for you?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katchika wrote: »
    Does anyone ever feel like they just don't match up to their boyfriend/girlfriend in terms of looks?

    I think my boyfriend is really nice looking, plus he's tall and has a nice toned body :D

    Which is obviously a good thing, it just makes me feel a bit paranoid about what he's doing with me.
    We get on really well but I just feel like he could do a lot better than me, lookswise.

    I don't think I am totally ugly but I feel like I have to make quite an effort to look decent with my hair and make up etc.

    Oh and the fact that he's tall means I feel silly when I go out with him in flat shoes/trainers. I can't reach him!

    He showed me a photo album from when he was at uni and there were all these pics of him at some ball, with loads of pretty girls in. Ah I dunno. Is this just something I'm gonna have to get over with? I don't want to air my insecurities to him!

    He wouldn't be with you if he didn't want to be.

    Just fuggedabowdit.


    Now, don't make me yell at you! ;):lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    He wouldn't be with you if he didn't want to be.

    Exactly...
    Plus everyone has a different opinion on attractiveness... you think these girls in the photos are really good looking, he might find you far more attractive. Its all subjective.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know you said you don't want to air your insecurites to him, but it would probably do you good to mention it to him. You don't need to make a big deal of it, just mention that sometimes you feel a little bit insecure. He can't reassure you if he doesn't know how you're feeling :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Backing up what the lads just said, try not to worry too much as if he didn't think you were lovely he wouldn't be with you. Know where you're coming from in a way as i used to date this lovely designer clothes loving bloke and i used to feel like i had to make a bigger effort with my clothes/make up etc. when i was dating him but then i look back now and i don't think he'd have probably cared as he was a good bloke. Don't worry about wearing flat shoes, i used to hate being called petite or god forbid cute by boyfriends when i was smaller than them but the above bloke made me realise it's not a bad thing. He thought it was great, maybe appealed to his macho side me being the "little female" :rolleyes: :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Na he likes you mate wouldnt worry :)

    altho bit rich coming from me because i have been prone to my paranoid spells.

    i wouldnt voice your concerns to him though because my ex said to me in a drunken moment why are you going out with me u could do so much better which a) wasnt true because i was a bitch HE could have done better and b) put me off him a little because he came across whiney and not as confident as i first thought
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    xjust-thinkingx wrote: »
    Na he likes you mate wouldnt worry :)

    altho bit rich coming from me because i have been prone to my paranoid spells.

    i wouldnt voice your concerns to him though because my ex said to me in a drunken moment why are you going out with me u could do so much better which a) wasnt true because i was a bitch HE could have done better and b) put me off him a little because he came across whiney and not as confident as i first thought

    Very good point! To be honest- and not wanting to sound up myself because I'm not a cocky person- no, I have never felt that my partner is too good looking/too well dressed to be with me. But yeah, so I keep being told, a lack of confidence is not sexy or particularly attractive, so perhaps don't mention it too much? As someone else said, he wouldnt be with you if he didn't want to be. Chill, honey :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah a lack of confidence is a bit of a put off. My ex lacked in confidence and was always going on about how she thought she was fat and all this other stuff, which was NOT true. But it affected my opinion of her, and it started affecting her confidence in the bedroom, which was a definate put off.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pill 'ed wrote: »
    Yeah a lack of confidence is a bit of a put off. My ex lacked in confidence and was always going on about how she thought she was fat and all this other stuff, which was NOT true. But it affected my opinion of her, and it started affecting her confidence in the bedroom, which was a definate put off.

    Which is why I think it's important to share any insecurities, before they become so big that the actual relationship is affected.

    If you're in a serious relationship it's not wise to pretend and hide behind fake confidence when in fact a little bit of reassurance can make all the difference :)

    Obviously this is only in the case of an actual relationship, you don't want to hit someone you've known for three days with it :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katchika wrote: »
    He showed me a photo album from when he was at uni and there were all these pics of him at some ball, with loads of pretty girls in.

    I usually find that my opinion of what's attractive is completely different to my female friends opinion. Similarly, I'm often confused when an apparently "gorgeous" guy walks into a room, and just looks like a normal bloke to me. Maybe boys and girls look at different things when determining how attractive someone is?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yess quite a lot. I think that my boyfriend is ridiculously goodlooking and brilliant in personality and wonder what the hell he is doing with me. It all just comes down to insecurity and they may even be thinking the same thing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pill 'ed wrote: »
    Yeah a lack of confidence is a bit of a put off. My ex lacked in confidence and was always going on about how she thought she was fat and all this other stuff, which was NOT true. But it affected my opinion of her, and it started affecting her confidence in the bedroom, which was a definate put off.

    bad idea

    if i am feeling fat or minging then the last thing id want to do is tell people because the minute you open up your mouth it will draw attention to your insecurities.

    for example me and a few mates were getting ready to go out and everybody looked lovely and it was going fine until one of them said ohmygod my thighs are so fat ! the minute someone says that even though your reassuring them your still gonna look at their thighs and they're still gonna look bigger after shes said something (unless annorexic).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some days i think my boyfriend looks way better than me :( lol only some days though :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It might surprise you that the majority of men like real women, and find some imperfections (not saying you have any) endearing, as a pose to stick insect models and airbrushed celebs found in magazines, which not many guys are that crazy about. I think you're probably getting hung up about nothing anyway, and like someone said, everyone's idea of attractive is different...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote: »
    Yess quite a lot. I think that my boyfriend is ridiculously goodlooking and brilliant in personality and wonder what the hell he is doing with me.

    thought i was the only one wondering...


    :razz:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote: »
    Yess quite a lot. I think that my boyfriend is ridiculously goodlooking and brilliant in personality and wonder what the hell he is doing with me. It all just comes down to insecurity and they may even be thinking the same thing.

    Totally agree, especially since mine is like a super genius, I always wonder why is he with someone not as smart.
    But then I'm taller than him by like 4 inches, so he has his complexes too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    thought i was the only one wondering...


    :razz:

    cheeky sod :razz:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A lot of my previous partners have worried about this, but then I am of a high standard.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    budda wrote: »
    A lot of my previous partners have worried about this, but then I am of a high standard.

    Yeah, we've all seen you now budda! You have a full head of hair.

    See, that's why I don't want to say anything to my bloke, I don't want to give him a big head

    :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I used to be seeing someone for a while (hes one of my best mates now like) and I seriously would think, all the time, you're gorgeous, what are you doing with me. he was really cute looking and a genuinely nice guy, and loads of girls fancied him, and like on myspace he had about a million girls on there who'd left him picture comments. whenever we were out together like for a drink or something i'd be thinking that girls would be looking at him and me together and thinking 'ew he could do soo much better'.

    im not the most confident person anyway but being with him really made me worse! i never told him what i was feeling because i didnt wanna put him off and make him think i was a freak but in teh end he knew something was kind of wrong. he was like 'dont be stupid! you're beautiful thats why im with you...'. it tailed off in the end anyway cos we realised we were better off as just friends but yeah. i felt like i couldnt be myself with him but i think if we'd have been together longer my fears would have gone away a bit.

    this is a ramble isnt it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel a lot like this at the moment and it sucks.
    I didnt feel that way when we first got together, but im over 2 stone heavier now :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katchika wrote: »
    Yeah, we've all seen you now budda! You have a full head of hair.

    I know, its impressive I havent even a bald spot at my time of life!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    budda wrote: »
    I know, its impressive I havent even a bald spot at my time of life!

    What is your true age?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    What is your true age?

    x2

    you can't keep acting like a granda now that we've saw your pic :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katchika wrote: »
    See, that's why I don't want to say anything to my bloke, I don't want to give him a big head

    :naughty::D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    z- wrote: »
    x2

    you can't keep acting like a granda now that we've saw your pic :D

    haha, i agree!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He looks younger than me, and I don't look THAT old (apart from when all stubbly and sexeh like now hahah).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I heard a rumor he was 23...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Young and sexy wrote: »
    I heard a rumor he was 23...

    no way haha
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    z- wrote: »
    no way haha

    ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I used to... Well... Anyway...

    Without getting anecdotal, often we think that somebody is above us in some way or that we aren't worthy, but it is also so very possible that they feel the same way.

    If somebody is with you, or even just likes you it is because they see some sort of beauty within you. You should cherish that and feel glad for that and celebrate your togetherness because nothing sucks more than pushing somebody away because you think they're in a league above you.
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