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Was I in the wrong?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Okay dokes, here's the situation:

Been seeing a guy for around four/five months, so we're still in the new fun stage but its getting pretty serious now, and it's all been great so far. We have fun, we're relaxed and it as all just cool.
Since around the 2 month mark, I stayed over at his and it's become a regular thing seeing as he's extremely busy so we take advantage of the few hours a week we get together.

I've met his mum (as its just him and her) and that's all good, but he is seriously reluctant to meet anyone on my side. He says that he's a really reserved and shy person around new people, which is true, but it's created some awkward positions.

As I still live with my parents (im only a baby-20), and there are 6 of us living in the house, they like to know who's in and who's out because it gets busy at times- plus we're a really close family (coz there's loads of us), so it's just curiosity as well. At first, when I was going to go see him, I said that "i'd be going to a friends, or going out here or there", but since it's been getting serious and my mum isn't stupid, I told her the truth (hated making up the stupid little stories anyway).

Now when he picks me up or drops me off, my mum has said comments like, "He is allowed inside you know", and I have to answer with"...yeah, i know, but we're in a rush" or something like that.

I told him that my mum has said things like that, and he got seriously pissed. Basically telling me off for mentioning him at all, and putting him in a lose/lose situation (lose if he goes to meet them because he's shy, lose if he doesn't because of the bad impression)

Now i'm cool with him being shy and not being ready and all that, its just he got so pissed that i had spoken about him stayed with me.

Was i in the wrong to talk about him to my mum?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, you're not in the wrong. Next time she asks you, tell her the truth- that he knows he's welcome but is too shy to come in.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No - of course not! You're a close family, he's a new bloke that you like - seems normal to me!

    But you maybe could have just said to your Mum "I'd like you to meet him, but he's really shy"...just so that it wasn't a big deal for your Mum, and to ease the rpessure off him a bit too, maybe?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's kinda cute that he's so shy really, but it just got on my nerves that he made me feel like i fucked up the whole relationship by just talking about him.

    I've told my mum this all as well, as i told her that he was a bit intimidated as there are always at least 5 different, really loud, really nosey arse people in my house, and she was understanding, but now he's all paranoid and wont let it drop.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    foxysoxy wrote: »
    it's kinda cute that he's so shy really, but it just got on my nerves that he made me feel like i fucked up the whole relationship by just talking about him.

    I've told my mum this all as well, as i told her that he was a bit intimidated as there are always at least 5 different, really loud, really nosey arse people in my house, and she was understanding, but now he's all paranoid and wont let it drop.

    There's shy, and there's taking the piss and using it as an excuse. It just becomes plain rude after a while, and this is one of those situations.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It probably is just an excuse, but then, he's going out with you and not your family so it doesn't really matter does it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't say you are in the wrong no.

    You seem to understand that he gets nervous and shy about meeting your family but when you have met his mother and she knows about you, I don't think it is really fair for him to be saying that your family cannot know about him.

    To me it is a bit like having one rule for him and another for yourself which isn't really on especially when you are as close as you appear to be to your mum.

    From my own experience, especially when you have a close family, they seem to pick up on this sort of thing themselves anyway so you could argue that you didn't need to really tell her and that she figured it out herself.

    Also, its not as if you are ashamed of him so it is natural to want to tell your parents about him and you should explain that perhaps and that you don't want to keep your relationship a secret as he is important to you, just as your family are.

    It seems clear that you understand his feelings and you respect that but he needs to respect your feelings on the matter too. Can you not come to an agreement or something?

    You are not exactly forcing him to see your parents, the least he can allow is for them to know about him, as parents naturally want to know about things like this if only to look out for them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont mean any offence by this, so please dont feel that i do

    there is a fine line between being shy and being rude

    i am very shy, but i would never deliberatley avoid my fella's family

    i'm sure it wouldnt be THAT hard for him to come in, even stand in the hallway or at the living room door while you get your shoes on or something

    try small steps like the above, short stays, then gradually increase the length of time he's there until he feels comfortable enough to sit in ya living room
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It isn't really rude3 to not want to meet someone's family though is it? I am not shy and yet, I don't DO families. Like, what the hell for- why do I wanna know another couple of ole wrinkleys?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    It isn't really rude3 to not want to meet someone's family though is it? I am not shy and yet, I don't DO families. Like, what the hell for- why do I wanna know another couple of ole wrinkleys?

    i think it's very rude actually

    especially if the parents have noticed you avoiding them

    i think it sends out bad signals and causes unnecessary angst

    different stokes for different folks tho :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    It isn't really rude3 to not want to meet someone's family though is it? I am not shy and yet, I don't DO families. Like, what the hell for- why do I wanna know another couple of ole wrinkleys?

    Depends on how much it means to your partner. It seems it means a lot to the OP, especially if they're a close family. Relationships are about give and take - if it's important to the person you're with then suck it up and go and shake someone's hand, wrinkly or not.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, well, you know what? huh? you're probably right, if I weren't in a foul mood I'd go schmooze the parents, but only if I wasn't expected to do it all the time- like it wasn't opening the gate to "come in, come in" after every outing.
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