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Getting someone to like you
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
More a general query than something that belongs in relationships. Well, maybe not, but still, don't move it.
This isn't one of the usual "HI DERS DIS GUY I LYK BT HE DUSNT LYK ME I DONT FINK LOL SO YEA HOW DO I GET HIM 2 LYK ME!?" threads. There is this guy at work, but he doesn't have much luck with girlfriends. Us, being the good Samaritans we are have decided to help him out of pity. He has no fucking clue how to act around girls, to the extent any girl that talks to him obviously automatically likes him, at which point he proceeds to ask for their MySpace and hound them in comments until they completely blank him. It's for alot of the girls' at works sake as well, since there's a common consensus that he's somewhat... creepy.
Skip ahead, one of the other guys doesn't think it's possible to get a girl to like you. His mind is made up that either a girl likes you or she doesn't, whereas I disagree. There are ways to mix the right amount of ever-so-subtle flirting along with a few other things (not roophies) to eventually make someone fall for you if you know what you're doing.
So, what's your opinions on the matter? Do you think it's as black and white as either someone likes you or they don't?
EDIT: Yes, I realise on reading over this I sound like a pretentious asshole who thinks he can get any girl he wants. I don't care. It's not like that at all, and if you're too goddamn stupid to see past that, don't bother replying.
EDIT 2: Oh also, I seem to be the only one that thinks this. Everyone else seems to agree it is that black and white. (NEARLY TYPED BLACK AND SHITE THERE!)
This isn't one of the usual "HI DERS DIS GUY I LYK BT HE DUSNT LYK ME I DONT FINK LOL SO YEA HOW DO I GET HIM 2 LYK ME!?" threads. There is this guy at work, but he doesn't have much luck with girlfriends. Us, being the good Samaritans we are have decided to help him out of pity. He has no fucking clue how to act around girls, to the extent any girl that talks to him obviously automatically likes him, at which point he proceeds to ask for their MySpace and hound them in comments until they completely blank him. It's for alot of the girls' at works sake as well, since there's a common consensus that he's somewhat... creepy.
Skip ahead, one of the other guys doesn't think it's possible to get a girl to like you. His mind is made up that either a girl likes you or she doesn't, whereas I disagree. There are ways to mix the right amount of ever-so-subtle flirting along with a few other things (not roophies) to eventually make someone fall for you if you know what you're doing.
So, what's your opinions on the matter? Do you think it's as black and white as either someone likes you or they don't?
EDIT: Yes, I realise on reading over this I sound like a pretentious asshole who thinks he can get any girl he wants. I don't care. It's not like that at all, and if you're too goddamn stupid to see past that, don't bother replying.
EDIT 2: Oh also, I seem to be the only one that thinks this. Everyone else seems to agree it is that black and white. (NEARLY TYPED BLACK AND SHITE THERE!)
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I think the best way to get a member of the opposite sex to like you is to be a friend without trying to pull them all the time.
Fair enough a bit of flirting and the occasional innuendo filled comment is fine and probably lets them know you're interested but if its constantly all the time then i could imagine being quite annoying.
Hence subtly :razz:
And nah, the replies in Anything Goes are bound to be more realistic than the feel good reassurey stuff in Relationships.
Left it in the end, because i really need to forget about her anyway, and don't need people to reinforce my silly theories to still score with her...
hmm...
Whilst you can have someone who is not drop dead georgeous and doesn't have the perfect figure but who can to the sex appeal thing - its all about how you dress yourself, act and your inner glow.
I think that is the initial hook - however I don't know how realisitc it is that if you've not got the initial spark with someone in the first place to actively convince them to like you.
So with regard to Kiezo's friend - I think its possible to change him so that he can get a spark with and NEW person he meets (its all about first impressions after all - what i'm less sure of is exactly how to go about this - i spent hours talking to one of my friends on wednesday about how we might transform another of our friends.
With people you have already met I think its a lot harder to get them to change their perception of you - but not entirely impossible - i was not exactly hounded but fancied by the husband for 7 years before I started going out with him.....
Well, I had that once too. A girl that was just whining to me, that the boy she likes was such an idiot bla bla and I really had feelings for her, so one day getting desperate with her I just blurted out that how about she considers me for a change, since I am here and appreciate her for what she is.
There was a bit of a silence, but she confessed that she has never thought of me in that way, and well, a week later we were kinda going out (i.e. was living at hers and screwed like rabbits every day of the week, even tho we were purely friends before). I did not last very long, but I think principally it might work.
I still hold the opinion that this probably works once in a thousand times...
People can definitely, definitely change their minds. I know from personal experience that they can. I have known my boyfriend for almost a decade now and until a year or two ago he would never have even entertained the idea of our being more than mates. Obviously part of that coming from having different partners at the time and the fact that he didn't live in this country, but also because he had for some reason decided that it would never work. It definitely helped my cause that he spent so much time away and we only saw each other a couple of times a year... gave him the chance to get a bit of perspective on how fantastic I am, and so when we did see each other again he could be stopped in his tracks by how fantastically mature and fantabulous I had become
I definitely think that if they don't think you're a hideous troll with the personality of a dishcloth from the get-go then there's always a chance. If they think that way about you initially then it's probably a write-off. You can build on a shaky first impression but you can't wipe from memory an utterly abysmal one...
As for your mate, I've known blokes like that before both as friends as as... well, creeps. I'm not sure which part of the brain they're missing, it's something connected to either tact or getting the hint. I've always thought the problem stemmed from (and grew because) the fact that when those blokes creep around being generally strange and... creepy, not enough people tell them to fuck off or run away. A lot of girls do simper politely while waiting to be rescued by their mates, or laugh at hugely unfunny and weird jokes and comments. That doesn't help ANYONE, but obviously it's not most people's aims to be considered a rude bitch so it's easy to see why it happens. Creepy myspace people are the worst though, have you had a word about his online etiquette?
:yes: about sums up my thoughts on this.
I genuinely believe that there are some people who will never like you as a person no matter how hard you try. Couldn't give a fuck what they think to be honest. :thumb:
The oracle of Delhis latest descendant :yes:
*Don't ask creepy sexual questions to her
*Don't discuss World of Warcraft stats or Medal of Honour
*Wanting to know about her is much more of a turn on than telling her about you and football/magic cards/your sexual history yadda yadda
* When she asks you for a date via txt end it with something like "look forward to seeing you"
* If she puts herself down (a sign that she is looking to know if you notice she is putting herself down to get a compliment) then she is quite possibly interested and you should boost her confidence a bit.
Aye you got me, it's actually myself the thread is for
See, he just asks creepy/weird questions in general. One of the latest was, after a few minutes silence "How's your health?" Like, what the fuck?
See, girls like this aren't usually worth the effort :razz:
Compliments is another thing he royally fucks up. Put aside the fact he even does this shit via MySpace, he sits and comments each and every one of the girls' pics with the cheesiest stuff imaginable.
What is his body language like?
Who, me?
Please, do go on and explain why.
I am not attacking people with learning difficulties, but we (note I said 'we' as in I have learning difficulties too) sometimes communicate differently and have difficulty sometimes in social situations because of being unable to make small talk, or not having such a good grasp of body language.
I was asking if the guy had learning difficulties because "how is your health" is an odd question, often people with learning difficulties can be misinterpretted as 'creepy'. For example, a friend of mine has Aspergers and he can come across as 'odd' and some people are real dicks to him about it because they don't understand.
I would never attack people with learning disabilities. My post prior to the one enquiring about his social skills was kind of taking the piss a bit, but also reflecting on personal experiences if the guy is a bit of a geek (which he sounds like). I do not dislike geeks as I'm an eco-geek myself.
So please, don't drag threads down with personal insults, it's immature and there is no point to it.
Anyway on the main point, yes I think it's possible to get someone to think of you in that way by how you act around them, though obviously it's not possible to get them to find you attractive. There's always this whole friend zone idea where if you become friends with someone first, they'll never think of you as more than that, but if that was true then no couple would ever had been friends first. I think most of the best male/female friendships involve a huge amount of flirting, and that generally means that even if she doesn't find you attractive (or vice versa) you never end up in the "I see him like a brother" zone. Being really obvious when you're attracted to someone in a club or a bar is a good idea, but in a workplace or among friends, it comes across as creepy and desperate.
As for the "how's your health?" comment, I think that's pretty obvious. He was blatantly thinking of something to say to her just to initiate some sort of conversation, and that was the best he could come up with. That's the worst type of question. One where you don't actually care about the answer, and it just comes across as fake.
advanced rigor mortis :razz:
All I can contribute to it is, that the girls I got farthest with are those I was not initially interested.
I always try to bring up strenghts in a girl. So for example, I am a pretty decent tablefootball player (or foosball, or however you brits call it), and I always ask her if she fancies to play a game with me, vs two opponents, and whenever she saves the ball or shoots it past the attacker/blocker line (I always play attackers, to score points) I compliment her. I'm good at it, so it doesn't sound like I am complimenting a toddler to boost it's ego.
If we win, just add something like "wow, you play strong... was a pleasure" or something.
Do the same when she's eager the get new drinks after we emptied our last ones ("not a bad drinker you are
When she tells something I lean onto the table (if she is opposite me) to show I am listening and I ask again if I did not understand something (it gives me a good feeling, when somebody does that to me, so I know this someone is trying to absorb what I'm telling, so I do it too).
I think that might be specialities already, and it's something you have to develop for yourself, dunno if you can teach that someone.
bla bla, don't know where I was going with that one...