Do I like torture??

Former Member

Seriously i have been in an on/off relationship now for almost 4 years!!! I know this person is no good for me, is constantly letting me down and is generally a selfish arse hole!! So why do i let him back into my life over and over again forgiving him!! The thing is when we are together and everything is fine i look at him and think "god i love you" and that is why i am going through this over and over! When do i stop?? Where are the limits? People say that you reach your limit, but what if you dont?? Is this my life???? Looking after this person?????

I cant talk to anyone because they have heard it a thousand times and even i am bored of it!! Where do you find the strength!! What do i have to do to get my life back!!!!

This is just a general rant but i am so confused, hurt, angry, bitter yet in love!! How does a human deal with these emotions at once!!!

If someone has the answer, please help!

kels xxxx

Former Member

maybe write down a list of bad things about him - things he does that annoy you, what he does to make you feel bad (i.e. leaving you on and off) and keep adding to it?? remind you that, although you think he loves you and you love him, he isnt doing you anygood!!

Former Member

Thanks guys i really appreciate your responses! I just feel that i am broken at the moment and really dont know what to do, its not as easy as writing a list because my head and heart say two different things! This is the battle i have as i know he is hard work but i do believe he is worth fighting for but to feel this way every few weeks and not having anyone to help me along the way is very hard!

Former Member

xlittlexstarx wrote: »

I know how you feel, I've been through exactly the same thing.

I suppose you need to look at the situation and ask yourself whether:
a) you can see this person ever changing
b) you can see a future with this person or
c) whether this person really makes you happy.

When you've really thought about that and answered yourself honestly, you can then decide whether you want to stay or you need to let go. If you can't see them changing, if you can't see you two having a real future and if they don't make you happy, then what is the point in repeatedly getting hurt? It will probably be hard to let go, but you will come out the other end a stronger person for it and realise that you deserve so much better.


However, on the other hand if you think they will change, you think you do have a future, and they do make you happy....then sometimes good things are worth fighting for.

Either way, good luck! I know how hard this must be for you.

What did you do xlittlexstarx? Did you leave or fight? xx

Former Member

I think one of your difficulties might be knowing what your own identity is without him, when you're with someone for four years, even on and off, a big part of your life is that person and so a big part of you is being with that person. In order to break off the relationship you have to not be scared of who you are or what you could be without him. Also, there may be a bit of 'but at least if I have him, I won't end up an old lady who smells of pee and has cats.'

You already know what you are with him. Have a think about what you could be without him. Some people like the drama in their lives, others want a smoother relationship but you don't sound happy and you don't sound like being with him makes you feel loved and secure, more like not lonely and needed.

Former Member

Thanks Katralla,

What you said makes a lot of sense, the thing is we have been apart - i think the longest was 2 months and i was fine and got on with things and i was probably slightly more sane! lol

I definately want a smoother relationship thats for sure. I guess when it comes down to it i love him and dont want it to end and that is why i cant let go.

Thanks again everyone for your advice.

Cherry xxx

Former Member

Cherrypie2882 wrote: »

This is just a general rant but i am so confused, hurt, angry, bitter yet in love!! How does a human deal with these emotions at once!!!

YES I know EXACTLY what you're talking about!

I dealt with the same shit for two and a half years. It became a daily struggle to keep her from getting angry at me for stupid reasons. Where a normal relationship would consist of doing things to make her happy, I was going out of my way to keep her from getting pissed at me. I recall one time where I told her that it had been two weeks since she had been mad at me, and that I was overjoyed for that reason. Two days later, she broke the streak. I still loved her, though, for the beautiful moments we had together, although they were becoming less and less frequent. I couldn't imagine life without her.

I finally decided that enough was enough, and we wound up breaking up a month later.

Life is much better without her. I am SO much less stressed, and I'm meeting girls who are way nicer, more attractive, and just plain better. You may think that you can't live without someone, but don't knock it if you haven't tried it.