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Cracking my anxiety on the head
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, well, my anxiety is annoying, and has got worse since I was cheated on. I mean, I get paranoid about whether she's cheating on me even though I know she's not (it's hard to describe, like mentally I know she's not, but emotionally I get the unease / upset).
Whenever I think of the guy, it still brings up a lot of negative feelings for me, and I feel like I'm going through it all again. But we're in a different situation now, and although a lot of people on here don't like my girlfriend (although I'll humbly ask to try to curb the prejudice for the purpose of this thread) she's not doing anything wrong at all. In fact the only gripe atm is she has a slightly lower sex drive than me lol.
But anyway, due to my anxiety which I've always had which has never been diagnosed officially (except for one referral by my doctor, but when I phoned up to make an appointment she said anxiety was normal and I felt like a hypochondriact, so I said I'll be fine - when really it still effects me a lot), I guess I can be dependent in a relationship. Not massively, but I think I need to feel like I'm trusted and loved, none of this half in half out business personally.
It affects what I do in general, like going out, I'll sometimes get down and nervous and won't want to go somewhere because I feel blue. Then if I do go, I feel like, you know when you're about to cry but not crying - like that.
So I've been thinking about it because since she was unfaithful it has got worse and upsetting me more, maybe I should consider psychotherapy. I know it's expensive but I'm sure my mum would help with some of the costs, and apparently anxiety is quite treatable. I know it takes a long time to get over someone being unfaithful and trust them again, and I think I'm 75% there to trusting her, but I get emotional feelings attatched to random things.
Like, before, she used to come on MSN, wouldn't talk to me because she was talking to her bit on the side. Now on MSN when she's not talking to me (and I don't mind because I don't talk that much on MSN) I feel anxious again and wonder if she's talking to a guy. When she can't be, because she removed him off her friends list.
I feel like I'm causing unneccessary tension, yes it was her fault she cheated and it will take time for the trust to heal, yet it's my anxiety and feelings that are making me upset. I mean, I still think about it a fair bit, and get in foul moods and want to spite her somehow, but if you were an outsider looking in I think now she bends over backwards to accomodate me. If I get mardy, she never says I'm being irrational and mean (and I might be), she just apologises and asks me what I want her to do.
I thought maybe a bit of space would help, and it does in a way, but my anxiety has always been there and still is there. I mean, I still get anxious about things that happened years ago. One friend I saw recently I had a fling with when I was 15 (I'm now 19) - I was nervous about going because she had a boyfriend and was wondering whether he would attack me or something lol.
So yes, I'm a little anxious, but I don't want to consider myself a hyperchondriact, I may not be the most anxious person ever, but it is effecting my life and my relationships with friends (just last night I was laying awake thinking all my friends must be talking about me behind my back).
Need a bit of support though, feel stupid just walking into the doctors, because he might just say it's normal. He will instantly write off anxiety if I suggest it because he hates self diagnosis (even though he referred me a few years ago), so I need to say I get nervous going out and things, and then he gets a bit specific and I say I'm not sure and he says 'just answer yes or no' and then I feel stupid. But he's a good professional doctor, just doesn't like treating you for things you don't have (once when I was low on energy mum took me, and I said one of the things it could possibly be was diabetes and he ripped into me saying it wasn't diabetes, did a test and then offered no treatment - mum thinks I'm anaemic).
Whenever I think of the guy, it still brings up a lot of negative feelings for me, and I feel like I'm going through it all again. But we're in a different situation now, and although a lot of people on here don't like my girlfriend (although I'll humbly ask to try to curb the prejudice for the purpose of this thread) she's not doing anything wrong at all. In fact the only gripe atm is she has a slightly lower sex drive than me lol.
But anyway, due to my anxiety which I've always had which has never been diagnosed officially (except for one referral by my doctor, but when I phoned up to make an appointment she said anxiety was normal and I felt like a hypochondriact, so I said I'll be fine - when really it still effects me a lot), I guess I can be dependent in a relationship. Not massively, but I think I need to feel like I'm trusted and loved, none of this half in half out business personally.
It affects what I do in general, like going out, I'll sometimes get down and nervous and won't want to go somewhere because I feel blue. Then if I do go, I feel like, you know when you're about to cry but not crying - like that.
So I've been thinking about it because since she was unfaithful it has got worse and upsetting me more, maybe I should consider psychotherapy. I know it's expensive but I'm sure my mum would help with some of the costs, and apparently anxiety is quite treatable. I know it takes a long time to get over someone being unfaithful and trust them again, and I think I'm 75% there to trusting her, but I get emotional feelings attatched to random things.
Like, before, she used to come on MSN, wouldn't talk to me because she was talking to her bit on the side. Now on MSN when she's not talking to me (and I don't mind because I don't talk that much on MSN) I feel anxious again and wonder if she's talking to a guy. When she can't be, because she removed him off her friends list.
I feel like I'm causing unneccessary tension, yes it was her fault she cheated and it will take time for the trust to heal, yet it's my anxiety and feelings that are making me upset. I mean, I still think about it a fair bit, and get in foul moods and want to spite her somehow, but if you were an outsider looking in I think now she bends over backwards to accomodate me. If I get mardy, she never says I'm being irrational and mean (and I might be), she just apologises and asks me what I want her to do.
I thought maybe a bit of space would help, and it does in a way, but my anxiety has always been there and still is there. I mean, I still get anxious about things that happened years ago. One friend I saw recently I had a fling with when I was 15 (I'm now 19) - I was nervous about going because she had a boyfriend and was wondering whether he would attack me or something lol.
So yes, I'm a little anxious, but I don't want to consider myself a hyperchondriact, I may not be the most anxious person ever, but it is effecting my life and my relationships with friends (just last night I was laying awake thinking all my friends must be talking about me behind my back).
Need a bit of support though, feel stupid just walking into the doctors, because he might just say it's normal. He will instantly write off anxiety if I suggest it because he hates self diagnosis (even though he referred me a few years ago), so I need to say I get nervous going out and things, and then he gets a bit specific and I say I'm not sure and he says 'just answer yes or no' and then I feel stupid. But he's a good professional doctor, just doesn't like treating you for things you don't have (once when I was low on energy mum took me, and I said one of the things it could possibly be was diabetes and he ripped into me saying it wasn't diabetes, did a test and then offered no treatment - mum thinks I'm anaemic).
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Comments
Some doctors seem to be better with dealing with physical compliants than mental health issues... I felt like that with 3 of the doctors at my surgery... one told me to grit my teeth and get on with it when I was actually very near having a complet mental break-down and I just didn't want to go back there because I knew they'd be unsympathetic and crap. So if you can, try seeing a different doctor first off. It's important to get someone you can actually talk to and who'll listen to you. I don't think you're being a hypocondriac, it's pretty obvious from what you've said that you do suffer from anxiety... worrying about being hypochondric and exepcting doctors not to take you seriously about it seems to be part of the package... I felt the same way.
As for the psycotherapy... I'd say a definate yes to the idea. :yes: It is extremly helpful for anxiety and panic and gives you stratagies to deal with these feelings which eventually make them seem to disappear. It's really worth a try.
How you're feeling about your GF, to me suggests it is part of your anxiety problems rather than what happened between you too. Of course it takes time to get over being cheated on and you might find you'll always have a bit of a niggle about it... But I think if someone feels emotionally stable and secure within themself they are strong enough for these types of feelings not to affect them; or a least not as much. So I'd say it's probably 10% to do with what happend and 90% to do with you feeling all anxious in general. I tend to find when I'm low or feeling anxious or just feeling unstable for some reason I then feel lonely and a bit paranoid ect... if I'm feeling confident and happy etc within myself, outside influences don't affect me. Hope that makes sense.
Yeah I can empathise with that. You really have to try so hard to get some help for yourself though... and when you're in a bad patch is probably better because you can explain what it is you feel like more acuratly.
If you need to, tell your mum that you need forcing to go to the doctors or something... When I've been really bad in the past I've taken someone with me to doctors appointments... just easier to have that moral support and someone to actually make you physically get there, even if they don't stay with your through the appointment.
You're obviously geering yourself up to getting this anxiety thing sorted though; which is positive. :thumb: Took me a good year of saying I'd do stuff and then cancelling at the last minute and making baby-steps before I really was able to deal with it... And I feel great 95% of the time now.
If you need to chat about anything then feel free to PM me.
Splodgey
I've had counselling before with the school nurse (i.e. talking with a cup of tea) because I said 'i wish everyone would die' in a jokey way (well, a frustrated annoyed 'i hate school' way) but never got round to my anxiety.
But from what I've heard, counselling to pyschotherapy is different because counselling just helps you to deal with it a bit while your body naturally copes with it (like aspirin, lol) and psychotherapy is actually treatment that looks at why you feel that way and helping you to do something.
Thing is, where do I go from here. Said I might to my mum and she thought it was a sensible idea, but said 'you're 19 now' in a 'you can do what you want' way. And she knows me pretty well, so I started second guessing myself and thinking maybe I don't need it.
But I'm determined, I'll pay to go private (the cheap ones) if I have to
You are quite right about the differences of councelling/psychotherapy (in my opinion) - psychotherapy will help you understand your thoughts/actions and then find a constructive way of improving them... if you are looking for hypnosis as well though you will narrow your search as not all psychotherapists use hypnotherapy....
I would suggest having a look online for some therapists in your area - you could ask for a referral from your doctor but this may not be the right way for you to go seeing as your previous experiences with them haven't been great! Ideally if you can, I would go with recommendation... do you know anyone that may have seen a psychotherapist in the past that you could talk to?
Would you mind me asking where abouts you are? I could always have a look to see if I know any therapists in your area...
Splodgey
x
The only person who I know that's been to a therapist was a friend
That really is disgusting
In the end I was lucky enough to get psychotherapy through the jobcentre. Basically in the first session I had, my therapist asked what problems I wanted to sort and we made a list; he told me I could add more if I wanted to as we went. Then we decided which to tackle first. He took lots of background information and found out what triggers and stuff caused my anxiety and panics; he talked to me a bit in a sort of explanatory way about cycles of panic and body and mind connections with setting up patterns with panic ect... which was helpful in that it explained a lot of my symptoms and helped me feel less stupid for feeling how I was. He also gave me a list of stress symptoms to keep so I can check how I'm doing every so often incase I need to relax more.
Then he introdced me to a couple of different techniques to use to stop the cycle of anxiety and panic attacks... I won't try to explain them because it's too hard to without a demonstration...
Anyways, just wanted to tell you all that so you go an idea what psycotherapy was like in comparison to counselling. It's a lot more proactive and a two-way thing. :yes: Absolutly no harm in trying it at least once... and it might just be the thing you need to help you move forward.
So stuff like fatigue can magically disappear too.
Sorry it has taken a while for me to get back to you - unfortunately I don't know anyone in your area but i have had a look online for some associations - this is often the best way to find a therapist without personal recommendation as at least you know they are part of a professional body!
This link is to a search facility for Psychotherapists in your area who are part of the British Association of Councelling and Pscyhotherapy...
http://www.bacp.co.uk/seeking_therapist/index.html
There are a number of other good sites out there... (BAP - British Association of Psychotherapists could be worth a look too)...
Good luck!