I'm just confused

Former Member

hi, i'm new here but my friend told me about this and said it was really good so i was wondering if u could help. i tried to kill myself on sunday night i slit my wrists up pretty good, i dnt no what happened i was looking at old fotos and gettin teary n then the next thing i no my wrists are bleeding copiously n tears are running down my face, i bandaged myself off n tried to ring the samaritans bt cdnt get thru n didnt want to wake ne of my friends up. however i awoke on monday morning rely early after getting hardly ne sleep n rang the docs he saw me n patched up my wrists n refered me to the crisis team, iv seen them yest n today bt they dnt seem to no what to do with me as i cnt even identify what triggered it which scares me even more bcoz it means it cud happen again if i dnt think of ways to stop it, my mum is so hurt my sister is so angry n my friends just confused i feel like i've let everyone down and feel so so guilty i want to just end it all bt if i survive i cdnt stand the looks on their faces. iv been to this mindspace so many times b4 and had years of counselling etc bt none of it seems to be working now, i no i have an amazin life i love uni im doin well, i love my job and i have the most amazin friends so why do i feel like this? ppl always say i can ring them in the middle of the night bt i no when it came to it theyd be all sleepy n id feel guilty so yeh i guess im just rambling now bt wondered if ne1 cud help.
thanks
Holly

Former Member

Are you sure you wanted to kill yourself? The fact that you immediately bandaged up your wrists suggests not. Clearly you were struggling to cope with stuff and it was a way of letting some kind of feeling out that you weren't able to deal with in any other way. You said that you were looking at photos so maybe you were missing someone who's died or your life as a kid, I don't know.

I'm not gonna give you loads of advice. There's a thread in the health forum called "Depression and self-harm" which I advise you to skim through. It's really long but you'll see that there are loads of people in the same situation as you (you're not alone honey) and there's loads of good advice on there.

Best of luck.

Former Member

Sometimes no matter how many people we have around us and how perfect our lives may seem, we have problems and emotions we can't let loose. Cutting yourself seems your way of release.

First of all, think of why you cut yourself. If you were having a bad day, pass it off as an experience but if it happens continually then you need to see a doctor. They can prescribe you anti-depressants which do take the edge of wanting to feel the physical pain to kill the emotional pain.

If you wanted to kill yourself you could have done it but you woke up and you went to seek help. If the cutting is beneficial to you just as a release, it's a lot better than wanting to die but you still need to seek professional help. As much as friends will want to be there for you and may know what it feels like, sometimes a stranger is the best person to confide in. Especially a professional who has probably dealt with a lot of cases like yours.

Good luck.

Former Member

hey

firstly im really sorry that your going through a hard time cos even if you dont know the reason you wanted to die this whole experience after is probably really tough.

secondly the reason these people(mum,sister,friends) are reacting in these ways is because they care not because of any other reason-they just really dont want to see you upset.

thirdly by going to see and speak to someone you are doing the right thing and trying to get help-even though at the moment it feels pointless stick with it and im sure you'll get somewhere

as to not knowing the reason you did it in the first place i can understand thatfeeling totally-been there so many times-i personally think that you didnt want to die as you bandaged it all up straight away-as ellantalia said about it being a beneficial release it could just be you were hurting to much but couldnt understand it so making it into physical pain makes that easier to deal with-please though do get help even if you say your not going to do it again as you may full into the trap of self harm-of feeling im fine i wont do it again but next time you feel really rubbish turning back to it

anyway I've rambled on for far to long now-good luck with everything and let us know how you get on-if you ever need anyone to talk to just pop into the depression and self harm thread or PM me

most importantly take care of yourself!!!

xx