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dexedrine, rehab, alcohol-CAUTION-ESSAY ALERT!!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
its long..u hav bn warned.....



im terrified. god i dont know where 2 start. so im gonna try n do this in a timeline sorta way.
started smokin draw-15yrs
at 17 after a year of smokin, drinkin, speed and E, i fell into a drug psychosis- severe paranoia, conspiracy theories.
tried to kill myself-stopped smokin draw n found myself drinkin more.
saw a headdoc, told him bout my drug/alcohol history so he sent me to a rehab 4 six wks cheers mate o + get this his name was Dr. Nutter. i was in a weak state so i went along wiv it, with his promise that wen i came bck he'd help me with the other probs.
had my 18th B.day in da rehab, came bck n all my doc wanted to do was send me to AA.
I KNOW i dint have a drug.alcohol abuse prob at this time. Got bck n started drinkin a lot so i could cut myself, suicide attempts-lots of dramatic shit.
Got out of depression wiv new doc + antidepressents.
Still VERY paranoid but forced myself to go out, w/out drinkin so i could stop bein so nervous round pple again.

Felt almost normal soon so decided it was ok 2 drink again when i wanted.
Now.... ive always bn a bit of a pisshead! not so much wen i was smokin ganj tho.
But in the past year, ive bn gettin quite pissed up n havin really bad hangovers. Im also on anti-psychotics so the paranoia is fading. Now mynew headdoc has put me on dexedrine-speed basically, to help me lose weight! (hes obsessed wiv wantin to make me lk stunnin)
and i feel an addiction comin on. Im worried bout my drinkin, my dad was an alcoholic and now hes a proper toker. Mum says he 'always has to have somethin'

I know i hav a problem cos i get too pissed wen i dont want to, but i cant say this, especially after bein in rehab and havin loadsa alcoholics n junkies tellin me ill b back.
Thing is I used to be so confident B4 this all began. I was nver bothered bout what pple thought of me, I didnt wonder if i was sayin the wrong thing, i was popular, I loved attention and had no problem talkin in front of groups of pple, makin new friends(nver been gd at keepin them), introducin myself or doin n e thin.
Now i talk so quietly sumtimes pple dont hear me, i mumble, i analyse everythin i do, i worry constantly and i get so nervous bout spendin time wit pple.
Im scared. There i said it. Im terrified that i need alcohol.
Im terrified of not bein able to b myself
Im terrified that i am an alcoholic after all and cant control my drinkin.
Shit. I hate this.
if only i could smoke draw again, i swear everythin wud b alrite.....

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear that about you.Some people can control their use and others cant,but you should just try and keep off everything and get back to normal then you might be wised up and just get bit of dope now and then.Who knows
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yo man i have an idea wot ya goin thru, i am like wot u used to be, really paranoid, even leavin the house, i used to have a drink problem then a smoke problem then bak to drink, now im off the drink but my cannabis problem is not gud. ive had whizz and e's b4 i luv em, im gettin some soon i think they're gr8 but one thing bout us is i dont wanna go to a rehab for six weeks or anything like that, id ratha juss keep gettin off my face, chillin wif pals, meetin new birdies and try to ignore the paranoia. i often get depressed but when i do i really do, cuz when i am im always thinkin wot to take to make me feel better, ive kinda relied on dope to take my problems away. but try and stay off the alcohol and use ya tablets that ya got and in time when ya feel ok mentally about life and personal issues then go on the drink, gettin sorted shud be the main priority. and i know how hard alcohol is to quit, mite not be to sum people but i got no sleep bak in my days, sweatin, sometimes hearin voices that arent there. juss put ya life in perspective

    peace and gud luck
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First of all I'm relatively sure that dexadrine shouldnt be prescribed for weight loss, unless you are morbidly obese I wouldnt touch it. It will NOT help in the long term.

    Secondly you should NOT be drinking with most anti-psychotic medinces, they dont mix well and may well be the reason you are getting monster hang overs. Its really bad for your liver and kidneys.

    I would suspect that it is the mix of drugs that you are taking that is making the problem worse not better. If you feel you need the anti-psychotic then I'd advise strongly against mixing it with ANYTHING else at all.

    If you cant do without the boose etc, then I would phone your local health authority and see if they can put you in touch with a local drug treatment center.
    I'd also say if you doctor is giving you speed to look "stunning" then perhaps there is something wrong there.
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