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Making friends...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hello.
I know there have probably been some threads about this, so I'm sorry... But anyways,
I've never been good at making friends.. I'm the type of person who is sometimes to herself, who usually just "observes" the crowd, and is not "in" it. This isnt about popularity either..I don't care about that at all.
But I just let everybody else approach me, I never approach. I've never felt as though there is someone out there like me, except my boyfriend.. And its hurting our relationsihp, because since my best friend dont even call me anymore, I drop all my petty problems all on him, every time, when he has very bad things goin on...
I go to youth group, well I started to, to my Church. I went last Wednesday, and it was really fun. But I havent made friends yet...
They have certian ones on Monday, Wednesday and Saturdays...
I really want to make friends so itl be better for me emotionally, because I dont have anyone else to tlak to other than my boyfriend, and were in a long distance relationship, and I dont want to loose him over my stupid insecurities and problems...

So what would be your tips? because mainly I'm afraid of making new friends cause I think they will fuck me over, or be fake, or even ignore me....And my biggest fear is that once I think they'll be my friends, we'll drift apart and barely talk anymore..[:(]

Thank you.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The most important thing to do is just be yourself cos then u no the freinds u make are liking u for u! Ask some questions usually about themselves so they can open up to you a little and then they may ask you and things just progress. Dont leave it all down to other people coming to you cause if theyre thinking the same way as you then whos gonna approach who? try and mingle a little and ask people if theyd like to do somet ratha then meeting at the youth club. Its like starting a new school-all new faces and if u dont no anybody then its really hard, but with time you start to talk and make friends without even noticing. Just being approachable like giving a smile can easily attract people! Good luck!! x x x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by **Cinderella**
    The most important thing to do is just be yourself cos then u no the freinds u make are liking u for u! Ask some questions usually about themselves so they can open up to you a little and then they may ask you and things just progress. Dont leave it all down to other people coming to you cause if theyre thinking the same way as you then whos gonna approach who? try and mingle a little and ask people if theyd like to do somet ratha then meeting at the youth club. Its like starting a new school-all new faces and if u dont no anybody then its really hard, but with time you start to talk and make friends without even noticing. Just being approachable like giving a smile can easily attract people! Good luck!! x x x

    :) Thank you for replying.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there,
    The best way to make friends is to be your self as cinderella said. You have started out good by joining a youth group, give it time im sure you will make plenty of mates, you can't force friendship you know.
    This article on the site might help you

    Making Mates


    Good Luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Making friends...
    Originally posted by athalia
    So what would be your tips? because mainly I'm afraid of making new friends cause I think they will fuck me over, or be fake, or even ignore me....And my biggest fear is that once I think they'll be my friends, we'll drift apart and barely talk anymore..[:(]

    athalia you have to stop thinking that all friends are going to turn their back on you. If you find really good friends they don't usually do these things to you.

    If you learn to let go of your fears you will begin to realise they are totally unfounded!

    Good luck me dear. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Like cinderella said just be yourself. I used to have problems finiding new friends, when I started college it was awful, I felt left out and made friends with this girl who I had nothing in common with and she also didnt quite fit in and we were illiminated from everyone else in the group. I was even considering leaving college things were that bad, but then one day things just turned around and I came out of my shell alot and spoke up and got myself noticed and now I have a very large circle of friends who I can tell anything to and its great. Just dont appear desperate, sometimes its easy to see who the people who have little friends are as they try to hard when their talking to you, laugh at things you can see they dont actually find funny, and try to agree with everything you say so that people like them. Thats not the way to be, just be yourself. Dont think that all friends are gonna turn their back on you, thats not true, real friends stand by you no matter what and thats what counts, so just try and come out of your shell abit and talk to people, dont worry about what their gonna think, you just need to act yourself and see what happens

    Good Luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are right to make friends, you can't rely on one person for everything. Trust me, I have done it. When I met my ex, I had quite a few good friends, then we lost touch and I only really had him. It puts too much pressure on the relationship and besides, who do you moan about your boyfriend to?

    You are making the right steps, but don't hurry and just be yourself. It takes time to make friends. I found it frustrating at uni as so many people seemed to be fake and acted like best friends after like, a week. Some people take longer to get to know and trust people, in my opinion this makes them more genuine. But this doesn't mean you can't be friendly. Ask people lots of questions, would they fancy going to see such and such film..you can say it in a way that doesn't make you sound desperate or over friendly.

    Good luck, I am sure you will make friends. At least you are getting out and doing something, for you will never make friends sat in the house (bar internet friends, who are nice but not the same as "real life" mates).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by PussyKatty
    You are right to make friends, you can't rely on one person for everything. Trust me, I have done it. When I met my ex, I had quite a few good friends, then we lost touch and I only really had him. It puts too much pressure on the relationship and besides, who do you moan about your boyfriend to?

    You are making the right steps, but don't hurry and just be yourself. It takes time to make friends. I found it frustrating at uni as so many people seemed to be fake and acted like best friends after like, a week. Some people take longer to get to know and trust people, in my opinion this makes them more genuine. But this doesn't mean you can't be friendly. Ask people lots of questions, would they fancy going to see such and such film..you can say it in a way that doesn't make you sound desperate or over friendly.

    Good luck, I am sure you will make friends. At least you are getting out and doing something, for you will never make friends sat in the house (bar internet friends, who are nice but not the same as "real life" mates).

    About my boyfriend...
    I keep whining and bitching to him about how 'horrible' everything is...when compared to his situation, my 'little problem' is NOTHING, trust me...
    Its just lately Im not happy at all, I wish he was here w/ me, and my best friend dont call back, she's too busy or whatever..
    SO i have no body to talk to except him, she is basically my only friend...
    And because I put all that pressure on him he needs some time, because things are really hard for him, and i feel extremely guilty..:( :(

    This week the youth groups wont be on I think because most of em went for camp, so yeah. I havent slept all night, its 7am here...because I just hope he is doing okay...
    This has got me really stressed, and I just wish I could talk to him like now...
    Im just so tired of everything right now. The only person I can talk to right now is God, and I just pray everything will be alright..

    For the longest time ive acted very anti social..Im just afraid of being fucked over..I dont know why I feel this way. I always have.

    But thank you for all of your responses...I really really appreciate it.
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