Moving Forward in Work and Life

Im still struggling to talk to people at work and Ive been there 2 to 3 months now, I'm not sure what it is exactly or too much. It might be a mixture or things, overthinking which I think is a big factor, worrying that people don't want to talk to me too, then still my job. I still feel I'm looked down on, like thats a big factor too. I can't even say hi , I've been there all few months and i can't say hi, unless they say hi first. If I something is part of my job that needs doing but can't unless I ask then I can do it for example if the hoover isn't working I can say but pretty much anything else I can't do it, like I did ask if there’s any jobs in the store and I struggled with that like I felt so nervous when asking and talking about it, like I've asked a few times now, I'm very cautionate like if I'm annoying them over asking or when I asked last time they've said between themselves they don't want to hire me, they've said that they've not got any jobs each time yet and i do think if they just don't want to hire me. Im just quite cautionate too on every interaction I do get if I'm getting judged or mocked sarcastically or whatever, I'm probably being a little paranoid being this cautionate but I've had a lot of bad experiences and on going negativity in the past so it feels rubbish.

I’m trying to shake off the stigma of my job, at the same time looking for other jobs too and got support with that too, I'm applying to a few myself, not as much as I was before I got this because I'm not like urgently wanting something, like I can be a bit more flexible with hours and stuff now as I have this, its just like I'd feel screwed if I lost or got sacked this job, it would probably ruin my confidence again, ive had so many setbacks they've hurt. Ive lasted in this job though, im pretty surprised I've lasted this far, still fearful of getting sacked somehow but its lesser, I just take everything for granted like I'm looking at moving forward rather than I could lose this, I'm not prepared to lose this so things could come crashing down if I did, ive been planning upwards, finding a mrs, buying a new car, saving my money, getting into another job with more hours. Im looking at finding a mrs soon like I'd date the right person if they came up now, I'm looking for someone, I'm getting impatient, as long as it's appropriate, everyone is comfy, boundries and all that, I don't see why I can’t date someone from wherever I work. There was someone at my place, she helped me with this extention cable wheel I got tangled, said hi to me a couple of times, shes left and I did get like like thoughts "do I have a chance with her" kinda thing, that woman left, it probably wasnt anything but I do kind of like I maybe fall in love too easily, like I barely knew that woman, she untangled some cables for me and said hi, it was very likely just nothing just some kindness but I feel kind of a bit upset, I found out shes left. I could build other connections, not even romantic relationships just friendships or even just a nice aquatance kind of thing but I struggle to even say hi, its actually so stupid I can't even do it, I just really cant do it like I see someone, I can't say hi or anything, I really can't do it and I hope soon I can, I want to move into another job soon but in the meantime I want to atleast have people I can get on or chat with or maybe friends etc with at this place, I wouldnt want to leave without having that, they seem like nice people, I dont really ever need to but its just nice to, I might come across like boring person but I think people who knew me a bit, knew I like cars, have goals, passions I think people will maybe learn Im not that boring, Im not into some stuff tbh like going on holiday abroardon land Im not into which a lot of people are or clubbing I don't really do which young people might like to do but I do have a lot of stuff I enjoy.

I think Im a but cautionate coz past experiences, I'll be honest like in school especially secondary I was that weird kid kinda that laughing stock in school, like just stupid, dumb and I acted weird then when I finished I acted better so it was like no one wanted to be like caught dead with the laughing stock, that was on me but like since then I acted fine I think and I left school a while back now, 2017 so yh. Just yh I don't want to be that person who looks broken now, Im scared I do come across like that in person, Im just so nervous, quiet and everything in person like I've been that quiet person especially now after a tough job search, setbacks, they make me feel that I'm just broken, dumb behind and my job having stigma which I'm just overcome, I'm trying to shake off but look for other stuff, not getting to comfy. I do question have like a quarter life crisis, 24, cleaning part time but I think I need to be kinder to myself like I have a job, its a tough job market and I was looking for literally an age. I just take it for granted and don’t look much that it could all get taken and people have no jobs and I just want a better job, more hours which more money of course but I dont want to seem ungrateful coz I am grateful too. I've said this before, I think its important and the same for everyone, its important for our wellbeing not be stuck in the same place, like I wouldn't want to be stuck in this job, same car, no goals, same car, single, living at home long term especially permanent, like I want to move forward, if that was the case if I was stuck in this job long term / permanent, I would get pretty low about it all so I keep reminding myself its not forever its just a start and it's a good start. Thanks y'all