Home› Neurodivergence
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. For Crisis Support (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Please help us out!

We have our annual survey out, asking a few questions about you, your needs and preferences, and the impact of our services. It should take around 5-8 minutes and by completing it, you will be entered for a chance to win a £200 Love2Shop voucher (in line with our privacy policy)

Click here to fill out our survey.

I don`t understand myself

DancerDancer Community Connector Posts: 8,307 Legendary Poster
in Neurodivergence
Sometimes it`s as though the world is all in a foreign language and there is no Google Translate or Dictionaries to help. There have been a lot of battles I have had to fight over the past 18 months and it has changed me so much. I sometimes feel as though I don`t understand myself. I get trapped within my body sometimes and it is hard to move or speak and people see it as something that isn`t real but it is. And now one of my places where I felt like I could be me without masking has been taken away from me. People say that I have complex needs but I don`t understand it and it`s as though people don`t want to tell me as they don`t want to upset me but then it upsets me not knowing. I know that I am not a perfect person and I have done bad stuff but I don`t understand why.
"There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
"The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
"I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 

Comments

  • 63marie63marie Posts: 115 The Mix Convert
    Hey @Dancer, thank you for sharing this with us. I can hear how confusing and isolating this must be, especially when people aren't explaining things to you. I'm really sorry to hear that you've lost a place where you didn't need to mask. I know personally how exhausting masking is and how important it is to have places where you can just be yourself so it makes sense that that would hurt a lot.
    It's also completely valid to feel upset about people saying you have complex needs but not explaining what they mean. The fact you're reflecting on your experiences shows how much you want to understand them, and you deserve to feel understood and supported by those around you.
    We're here to listen and support you <3
  • DancerDancer Community Connector Posts: 8,307 Legendary Poster
    I know that it was kind of my own fault that I lost the place I don`t have to mask at. I made mistakes and I wasn`t always very nice to people but at the same time I didn`t always feel understood by the staff and I found it a bit difficult to settle in.
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
  • 63marie63marie Posts: 115 The Mix Convert
    edited December 2025
    Making mistakes doesn't mean you're a bad person, and being able to acknowledge your part in what happened just shows how much you care. It doesn't mean you deserved to lose that place where you didn't have to mask, it sounds like you were doing the best you could, as you didn't feel understood or supported very well, which can make settling in feel very hard. We're always here to listen, and you never have to mask here :)
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 3,814 Community Veteran
    Hey @Dancer , how are you doing? Firstly, thank you for putting this into words and for sharing with us a bit about how life's been feeling lately. From what you've written, I really got a sense of loss - does that resonate for you? It sounds like there's been so much change lately both internally and externally, and it's left you with a sense of grief almost for the way you used to understand for yourself and for that space where you felt you could be entirely yourself. So much has been happening, and with each and every change and transformation its maybe feeling harder and harder to understand yourself the same ways anymore. And then on top of this, when you do try to explain how you're feeling, it sounds like you've felt deeply invalidated by people who've said it isn't 'real'.

    Would you feel comfortable sharing some more about what's happen with the closing down of the place that you used to be able to unmask? We're here with you to listen.
  • DancerDancer Community Connector Posts: 8,307 Legendary Poster
    Sian321 wrote: »
    Hey @Dancer , how are you doing? Firstly, thank you for putting this into words and for sharing with us a bit about how life's been feeling lately. From what you've written, I really got a sense of loss - does that resonate for you? It sounds like there's been so much change lately both internally and externally, and it's left you with a sense of grief almost for the way you used to understand for yourself and for that space where you felt you could be entirely yourself. So much has been happening, and with each and every change and transformation its maybe feeling harder and harder to understand yourself the same ways anymore. And then on top of this, when you do try to explain how you're feeling, it sounds like you've felt deeply invalidated by people who've said it isn't 'real'.

    Would you feel comfortable sharing some more about what's happen with the closing down of the place that you used to be able to unmask? We're here with you to listen.

    It isn`t that the place is closing down. I have been told that I am no longer allowed to attend.
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 3,814 Community Veteran
    Ah @Dancer that sounds extremely hard, and I'm so sorry that space is being taken away. If you'd find it helpful to share more about what's happened, we're here to listen. That sounds really frustrating and disappointing.
Sign In or Register to comment.